fix: edited five and six

chapters/chapter-001.md

@@ -9,15 +9,15 @@ teaser: >
 
 > For eight generations, the Sterlig Family crafted some of the most treasured string instruments throughout Kormar. --- _History of Traditional Music_
 
-Linsan bounced on her family's new couch. With a flip of her green skirt, she did a somersault along the cushions before flopping again opposite arm. The couch creaked from the impact but she didn't care. With a grin, she pushed herself over the edge until her head dangled over the blue-and-white patterned rug below.
+Linsan bounced on her family's new couch. With a flip of her green skirt, she did a somersault along the cushions before flopping against the opposite arm. The couch creaked from the impact but she didn't care. With a grin, she pushed herself over the edge until her head dangled over the blue-and-white patterned rug below.
 
-In her mind's eye, she saw white snakes crawling around the blue waters and slowly reached out to catch one of them before it escape.
+In her mind's eye, she saw white snakes crawling around the blue waters and slowly reached out to catch one of them before it escaped.
 
 Her fingers bumped against the short hairs of the rug. Stretching further along the arm of the couch, she tried to grab more.
 
 "Are you still alive over there?"
 
-She peeked up past the back of the couch and into her father's brightly lit workroom. He sat at his customary chair behind a heavy wooden table while peering down at the disassembled parts of his latest work. His lenses reflected the light from the chandelier above him; he always put his glasses up to his forehead whenever he worked on small details.
+She peeked up past the back of the couch and into her father's brightly lit workroom. He sat is his customary chair behind a heavy wooden table while peering down at the disassembled parts of his latest work. His lenses reflected the light from the chandelier above him; he always put them up to his forehead whenever he worked on small details.
 
 Linsan took a deep breath, taking in the smells of sawdust and stain. It was a comforting scent, like the flowers inside her mother's pillows and the little bottle of perfume her parents saved for special occasions.
 
@@ -25,13 +25,13 @@ Linsan took a deep breath, taking in the smells of sawdust and stain. It was a c
 
 She giggled. "No! I'm right here!"
 
-"You weren't crashing around. I wasn't sure. I always heard four-year-old girls who weren't screaming dead."
+"You weren't crashing around. I wasn't sure. I always heard that if a four-year-old girl ever stopped screaming, she was either sleeping or dead."
 
 She rolled her body up the arm of the couch and over the back until she was bent over it. One bare foot toyed with the edge of the couch cushion as she watched her father pull out one of his delicate carving tools and hold it over the wooden board on the table.
 
 Lifting her other foot, she waved it. "See? I'm not dead! And I'm five, Daddy! You know that. I'm five and not dead!"
 
-"Oh, good, I was worried there for a moment," he said with a smile. His eyes never left the wood as he carved out a little curl of red. His fingers flexed for a moment before he cut another curl to match the other. Each one was smaller than the ridge of her fingernail.
+"Oh, good, I was worried there for a moment," he said with a smile. His eyes never left the wood as he carved out a little curl of red. His fingers flexed for a moment before he cut another curl to match the first. Each one was smaller than the ridge of her fingernail.
 
 He paused for a moment before he wiped the side of his cheek. Sawdust clung to his beard but quickly disappeared among the auburn and gray hairs.
 
@@ -59,17 +59,17 @@ From behind her, her mother spoke up. "Why am I yelling at Daddy?"
 
 Linsan spun around. "Mommy!"
 
-She launched herself off the couch, her bare feet hitting the rug before she remembered the imaginary snakes. With a shriek, she stumbled forward. "Snakes!"
+She launched herself off the couch, her bare feet hitting the rug before she remembered the imaginary snakes. With a shriek, she stumbled forward while trying to step over the snakes. "Snakes! Snakes everywhere1"
 
 Her mother dropped the cloth bags in her hand and caught her. Groceries poured out across the floor.
 
-Linsan pressed her cheek against her mother's. The scent of her mother's perfume surrounded her in a cloud. She must have picked up food on the way from her latest show. She turned and pointed to an patterns near the middle of the rug. "There are snakes in the rug," she whispered dramatically.
+Linsan pressed her cheek against her mother's. The scent of her mother's perfume surrounded her in a cloud. She must have picked up food on the way from her latest show. She turned and pointed to the patterns near the middle of the rug. "There are snakes in the rug," she whispered dramatically.
 
 "Oh no, did Daddy get rid of them?"
 
 "He's working on Palisis."
 
-Her mother frowned as she knelt down. "Palisis? Who's that?" Her head looked up as her loose curls rolled off her shoulder. "Who is Palisis?"
+Her mother frowned as she glanced at Linsan's father, her loose curls rolling off her shoulder. "Palisis? Who's that?"
 
 From the other room, her father grunted.
 
@@ -83,7 +83,7 @@ There was a brief silence.
 
 "Marin was daddy's first wife. That's who the violin is for. She's getting married to mommy's best friend from when she was a little girl."
 
-She kissed Linsan on the top of her head. "Now, if daddy is trapped by the snakes, that means we have to rescue him. How do we do that?"
+She kissed Linsan on the top of her head before lowering her head to speak the voice she used for her dramatic parts. Her mouth opened in mock surprise and shock. "Now, if daddy is trapped by the snakes, that means we have to rescue him. How do we do that?"
 
 Linsan bounced, her smile growing broader. Her auburn hair fluttered everywhere as she spun around a few times. "We dance! They can't bite us if we keep moving!"
 
@@ -93,6 +93,6 @@ Before long, they were spinning in the living room. Linsan loved when her mother
 
 There was the brief hum of a fiddle and then a cheery tune filled the room. In the middle of a twirl, Linsan peered over the couch to see that her father had abandoned his work and picked up Katsaril, an old fiddle Linsan had named when she was three.
 
-With the music no longer imaginary and the snakes forgotten, Linsan danced happily in the living room with her parents.
+With the music no longer imaginary and the snakes forgotten, Linsan danced happily in the living room with her mother while her father played.
 
 As far as she was concerned, that would never change.

chapters/chapter-002.md

@@ -13,7 +13,7 @@ Linsan sat on her father's work chair in the center of the living room. Her bare
 
 "Now, hold it out to the side like this," her father said. He sat on their worn couch with one of his own violins under his chin. His arm held out at a comfortable angle, elbow bent and the neck of the instrument as solid as the ground beneath their feet.
 
-After four years, the couch was threadbare and worn. She still remembered how springy it was when they had first gotten it. But years of abuse left it flattened and barely comfortable.
+After four years, the couch was threadbare and worn. She still remembered how springy it was when they had first gotten it. But years of abuse had left it flattened and barely comfortable.
 
 "Pay attention just a little longer. Hold it like this."
 
@@ -21,9 +21,9 @@ She concentrated on her position. Her arm shook with the effort to keep her viol
 
 "Don't focus too much on me. Just look at my bow. Bring it up to the violin like I'm doing and rest it right on the strings."
 
-The bow quivered as she tried to move it gracefully like her father. The hairs bounced against the tight strings. She managed to stop it from jumping, but when she accidentally drew the bow down, she was surrounded by the jarring screech.
+The bow quivered as she tried to move it gracefully like her father. The hairs bounced against the tight strings. She managed to stop it from jumping, but when she accidentally drew the bow down too fast, the screech rattled her teeth.
 
-Linsan cringed and yanked the two apart. Tears blurred her vision. "I can't get it!" she wailed.
+Linsan cringed and yanked the bow away. Tears blurred her vision. "I can't get it!" she wailed.
 
 "It's okay. It's okay." He held up his bow. "Everyone gets those notes. It happens all the time."
 
@@ -33,9 +33,9 @@ Linsan cringed and yanked the two apart. Tears blurred her vision. "I can't get
 
 "Mommy is going to be here in three days. I'll never be able to play this in time."
 
-He slid off the couch and onto his knees. Even then, he was only a few inches shorter than her. Crawling over, he leaned against the chair to straighten his posture. "Listen. You've never wanted to play the violin before. You may know a little piano and the pipe, but string instruments are a very different creature than those two."
+He slid off the couch and onto his knees. A groan escaped his lips as he crawled over to the chair next to her and then used it to prop himself back onto his knees. "Listen. You've never wanted to play the violin before. You may know a little piano and the pipe, but string instruments are a very different creature than those two.They require patience."
 
-"But, she'll love if I can play this, right?" It was her idea as a present when her mother came home. Though, at the time, she was convinced it would only take minutes to gain her father's mastery.
+Linsan stared at her father. On his knees, he was only a few inches shorter than her. "But, she'll love if I can play this, right?" It was her idea as a present when her mother came home. Though, at the time, she was convinced it would only take minutes to gain her father's mastery.
 
 He hugged her firmly. "And I'm so proud of you thinking about it. But a nine-year-old girl isn't going to pick this up in minutes. It takes time."
 
@@ -55,11 +55,11 @@ She sniffed and struggled to grin. "That's like a mile away."
 
 "Yes because you've been bouncing, rolling, and twirling in this house since you were five and I was carving Palisis."
 
-"That was only four years ago."
+"That was forever ago."
 
-"Feels like forever."
+He chuckled. "It was only four, Honey."
 
-Palisis. She remembered when her father's assistant, Dukan, had come to the house to package the violin to be shipped out. There was so much silk and velvet while he crafted a custom box for the violin that he made her a small bear with the scraps. She still had a ribbon of the deep purple material in her bedroom and the bear on a shelf.
+Palisis. She remembered when her father's assistant, Dukan, had come to the house to package the violin to be shipped out. There was so much silk and velvet after he finished crafting a custom case for the violin that he made her a small bear with the remains. She still had a ribbon of the deep purple material in her bedroom and the bear on a shelf.
 
 She looked up to see the sad look in her father's eyes. Something had happened and the violin came back a few years later. Her father had put it up in the attic and never said another word. "Daddy?"
 
@@ -83,33 +83,33 @@ Linsan pictured the last dance her mother taught her, the one she was no doubt u
 
 "I guess. While playing, the next step is this note." He played the two notes repeatedly. "So, try it again. Back and forth, moving in steady strokes."
 
-Furrowing her brow in concentration, she struggled to find the right way of getting her body to listen. Her father's guidance made it easier. Frustrated, she used her bare foot to mimic the maneuver, working her toes along the carpet. Together, she found the right balance of music and movement.
+Furrowing her brow in concentration, she struggled to find the right way of getting her body to listen. Her father's guidance made it easier. Frustrated, she used her bare foot to mimic the maneuver, working her toes along the carpet. It didn't take her long until she found a comfortable balance of music and movement.
 
 "There you go. Now put the two together."
 
-She did, moving her foot and the bow together to chain the two notes together.
+She did, moving her foot and the bow in tandem to chain the two notes.
 
 "And again."
 
 "Again."
 
-It took her eight notes before she realized what song he was teaching her. She giggled.
+It took her two measures before she realized what song he was teaching her. She giggled. It was one of her favorites, _My Ass for a Glass of Milk_.
 
-His smile almost lit up the room. It caused the wrinkles around his eyes to crinkle and his beard to stick out slightly. "Figured it out."
+His smile almost lit up the room. It caused the skin around his eyes to wrinkle and his beard to stick out slightly. "Figured it out?"
 
 "Mommy hates this song."
 
-"Well, it is rude and you were singing it quite loudly in the middle of church. The pastor's scowl matched your mother's." He gave her a playful wink. "But, I bet you can tell what the next note is going to be."
+"Well, it is rude and you were singing it quite loudly in the middle of church. The pastor's scowl matched your mother's. Neither of them are here though and I figured you'd be motivated to learn." He gave her a playful wink. "I bet you can tell what the next note is going to be."
 
-"Yeah," Linsan said with a giggle. She played the first eight notes and followed by the next one. To her surprise and relief, there wasn't a single screech.
+"Yeah," Linsan said with a giggle. She played the first eight notes again and followed by the next one. To her surprise and relief, there wasn't a single screech.
 
 "Good girl!"
 
 "I did it!" She dropped her violin to hug her father.
 
-His eyes widened as he caught it but then staggered back from her embrace. "Careful!" he said before he landed on his rear.
+His eyes widened as he caught it but then lost his balance when she pushed him back. "Careful!" he said before he landed on his rear.
 
-"Sorry, but I did it!"
+"Sorry!" She was't.
 
 He hugged her tightly. "I'm so proud of you!"
 
@@ -117,7 +117,7 @@ Someone pounded on the front door.
 
 Both of them jumped in surprise.
 
-Her father frowned as he scrambled to his feet. His brown eyes turned toward the dark window. "It's really late, who would be coming at this hour."
+Her father frowned as he scrambled to his feet. His brown eyes turned toward the dark window. "It's really late, who would be coming at this hour?"
 
 "Daddy?"
 
@@ -135,9 +135,11 @@ She jumped. This time, she set down the violin and bow. "Daddy?"
 
 In the entry hall, her father was speaking to Dukan. The younger man had dark black hair and a short beard that stretched up both sides of his cheeks. Unlike her father's pale skin, Dukan had a tan from the hours outside.
 
+Both of them had serious expressions and she cringed at her father's frown.
+
 "Are you sure, Sian?" asked Dukan. He didn't look at Linsan.
 
-"There isn't anyone to watch her." Her father's voice was sharp and tense. It sounded like when he was furious at someone.
+"I don't have time to find someone to watch her!" Her father's voice was sharp and tense. It sounded like when he was furious at someone.
 
 Linsan cringed.
 
@@ -157,15 +159,15 @@ She looked down at her nightgown.
 
 "Grab your bathrobe. I'm sorry, but this is important and I don't have a lot of time. Please? For me? Don't ask questions, just do it."
 
-Minutes later, she was sitting in the saddle of a spirited horse and cradled by her father's arms and legs. She clutched the pommel with one hand and her father's thigh with the other.
+Minutes later, she was sitting in the saddle of a spirited horse and cradled by her father's arms and legs. She clutched the pommel with one hand and the shirt gather at her her father's elbow with the other.
 
 Her father held his arm over her chest to hold her in place as they raced through the dark. The only light was a lantern that Dukan held up to lit the way.
 
 As the crisp air of fall rushed past them, she shivered and held herself tight against her father.
 
-He looked nervous, his face pale and his grip tighter than she expected. They were moving too fast for her to ask questions.
+He looked nervous, his face pale and his grip tighter than she expected. They were moving too fast for her to ask questions but she knew exactly where they were going, to the large building that housed most of the family's workshop with the bulk of the wood working tools, drying racks, and half-finished commissioned instruments.
 
-The family workshop was about a half hour ride during the day. The trip took them through a few valleys to a small woods nestled between two mountains. That was their family forest, the source of the wood that made her father's violins and the unique sound that came from his craft.
+The half hour trip took them through a few valleys to a small woods nestled between two mountains. That was their family forest, the source of the wood that made her father's violins and the unique sound that came from the instruments he crafted.
 
 There was a fire. She saw the glow of orange two valleys away and smelled it in the next. The stench of burning wood flooded her nostrils, choking her.
 
@@ -175,13 +177,13 @@ Sian's grip tightened. She thought she heard him whisper a prayer to the Divine
 
 He didn't answer.
 
-They came up to the familiar ridge that marked the border of their family lands. The bright oranges lit up the dark, billowing clouds that rose up over the burning trees.
+They came up to the familiar ridge that marked the border of their family lands. The bright orange lit up the dark, billowing clouds that rose up over the burning trees.
 
 Sian yanked on the reins.
 
-The equine reared.
+The horse reared.
 
-Linsan let out a cry as she felt dizzy. Her hands tightened on the pommel and reins until her knuckles turned white.
+Linsan let out a cry as she felt dizzy. Her hands tightened on the pommel until her knuckles turned white.
 
 Her father sobbed as he released the reins. "No, by the Couple, no. Not that."
 
@@ -191,11 +193,11 @@ The workshop was engulfed in fire. A rainbow of colors burst out of the two-stor
 
 Behind the workshop, the private forest her family owned burned. Ancient trees popped and hissed as the flames danced among the shriveled branches and burning leaves. Waves of heat, even from hundreds of feet away, beat against her face.
 
-"Where is the Couple-damned fire brigade!" screamed her father. "The entire valley is on fire!"
+"Where is the Couple-damned fire brigade!?" screamed her father. "The entire valley is on fire!"
 
 Dukan started to get off his horse. He looked around in shock. "I-I don't know. I summoned them before I came for you. They should be here."
 
-"Well, they aren't! This is my life!" Tears glinted in her father's eyes as he gestured angrily at the burning workshop. "My family is burning and there isn't anyone here!"
+"Well, they aren't! This is my life!" Tears glinted in her father's eyes as he gestured angrily at the burning workshop. "There isn't anyone here!"
 
 "I'll get them!" Dukan slipped back into place and spun his horse around. "I'll find out what happened."
 
@@ -205,13 +207,13 @@ Sian half-slid, half-fell from his horse. His arms were tight on Linsan, guiding
 
 The right side of the workshop collapsed.
 
-"No," he screamed in a voice that felt like the heavens should have split open and cried. It was a sound she had never heard her father make before and it terrified her.
+"No," he screamed in a voice that felt like the heavens had split open and cried. It was a sound she had never heard her father make before and it terrified her.
 
 He staggered forward.
 
 Linsan saw that he was going into the workshop. He was going to leave her alone in the heat of the fire. "Daddy!"
 
-Sian turned, his face sparkling with tears. "Just stay there, Honey. I have to..." He turned and let out a sob. "My life is in there. My grandparents planted those trees, my father build that shop."
+Sian turned, his face sparkling with tears. "Just stay there, Honey. I have to..." He turned and let out a sob. "My life is in there. My grandparents planted those trees, my father built that shop."
 
 "Daddy, I'm scared."
 

chapters/chapter-003.md

@@ -2,9 +2,9 @@
 title: Home Early
 age: 14 years
 summary: >
-    Unable to visit the burnt remains of the family's workshop, Linsan comes home to find her father work in depression. He had given up working on instruments and switched to writing articles about music. She goes into the attic to put some books away and finds Palisis in a corner, returned after Marin's death. She plays it, but then finds out that no one had ever played it before.
+    Unable to visit the burnt remains of the family's workshop, Linsan comes home to find her depressed father. He had given up working on instruments and switched to writing articles about music. She goes into the attic to put some books away and finds Palisis in a corner, returned after Marin's death. She plays it, but then finds out that no one had ever played it before.
 teaser: >
-    Unable to visit the burnt remains of the family's workshop, Linsan comes home to find her father work in depression.
+    Unable to visit the burnt remains of the family's workshop, Linsan comes home to find her depressed father.
 ---
 
 > No one understands the mystical connection formed during that first note played by a musician on a new instrument. --- _Tears of the Broken Harp_ (Act 2, Scene 8)

chapters/chapter-004.md

@@ -7,11 +7,11 @@ teaser: >
     As Linsan frequently did, she visited the family's ruins after school. The spot gave her peace despite everything they had lost. However, a bully from school, Dukan's daughter Brook, shows up.
 ---
 
-> Time is the only determination when stress ignites the first manifestations of power. Is the degree of emotion and the threat of life that determines the nature and measure of the power that comes forth. --- Jakor Habir-Nos, _Threats of the Children with Power_
+> One cannot pick the time when stress ignites the first manifestations of magic, nor can one choose the powers that come forth. Only introspection after the fact can guess the forces that shaped the power that came into being. --- Jakor Habir-Nos, _Threats of the Children with Power_
 
-Linsan always loved the first week of spring. As she walked along the overgrown road, she admired the new buds sprouting on the tree branches and the leaves just pushing up through the thick mat of rotted leaves. The smells of the forest were coming to life, thawed out by the early season.
+Linsan loved the first week of spring. As she walked along the overgrown road, she admired the new buds sprouting on the tree branches and the grass just pushing up through the thick mat of rotted leaves. The smells of the forest came to life, thawed by the early seasonal warmth.
 
-She paused to shift her new violin case from one shoulder to the other. It bumped against her school bag until she managed to shift it to her other side. The heavy weight of the hard case bore down on her, but it was a comforting companion on her long walks through the woods.
+She paused to shift her new violin case from one shoulder to the other. It bumped against her school bag until she managed to swing it over to her other side. The heavy weight of the hard case bore down on her, but it was a comforting companion on her long walks through the woods.
 
 When she saw the curve with the three oak trees, some of her good mood faded and her footsteps came to a stop. She looked at the thick forest around her, the way everything was living and bright.
 
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@ Stepping away into the knee-high grasses, she tuned it carefully and began to pl
 
 Her mother was also happy Linsan finally taught herself songs that didn't center on butts, though the childish part of her loved _My Ass for a Glass of Milk_ for an entirely inappropriate song.
 
-Linsan stood up and started to play. Her first song came out strong, it was a ballad about a girl and a boy. She didn't really know the words, but the melody always drew her. It was sad and sweet at the same time, an appropriate song for the ruins.
+Linsan started to play. Her first song came out strong, it was a ballad about a girl and a boy. She didn't really know the words, but the melody always drew her. It was sad and sweet at the same time, an appropriate song for the ruins.
 
 Closing her eyes, she just let the music flow around her. She imagined her father playing, the way he swayed back and forth with the movement of the bow. She followed suit, letting the song and the wind move her body as she ran through the notes.
 
@@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ She took a moment to center herself and started back into the same song. She had
 
 The sounds of her instrument drifted through the wildflowers and filled the valley.
 
-She lost the ending in a muddled mess. Frustrated, she let the violin slip from her chin rest. She had to get it, if anything because she needed to be able to play more songs.
+She lost the ending in a muddled mess. Frustrated, she let the violin slip from under her chin. She had to get it, if anything because she needed to be able to play more songs.
 
 As soon as she started the third attempt, she knew it would end up wrong and she gave up before the fifth measure.
 
@@ -77,7 +77,7 @@ A year younger than Linsan, Brook was Dukan's eldest daughter. She had her fathe
 
 Her outfit wasn't appropriate for standing in knee-high grass either.
 
-Brook held the bottom of her sea-green dress away from the ground but the lace clung to the leaves that surrounded her boots. Some of the lace had caught broken leaves and there were obvious stains of wildflowers she had to wade through.
+Brook held the bottom of her sea-green dress away from the ground but the lace clung to the leaves that surrounded her boots. Some of the lace had caught broken leaves and there were little burrs clinging to the fabric.
 
 Linsan glanced at the other two. They were still wearing their school dresses, relatively plain outfits of dark colors and somber patterns. They gave Brook the appearance of stepping off a stage or coming out of a portrait.
 
@@ -95,15 +95,15 @@ The muscles in Linsan's neck and chest tightened. She let the violin drop but ke
 
 Brook's painted lips tightened into a thin line for a moment. "Maybe I just wanted to see you jumping around like a drunken squirrel? Or screeching like some sort of beast with that bit of wood? Everyone needs some entertainment, even refined ladies."
 
-Linsan started to snap back but Brook interrupted her. "Before you ask, we are all going Koson's for dinner. A very exclusive dinner for people who are going up in the world, not backwaters squirrels scampering on branches. Daddy is going to meet us there with a wagon."
+Linsan started to snap back but Brook interrupted her. "Before you ask, we're all going to Koson's for dinner. A very exclusive dinner for people who are going up in the world, not backwater squirrels scampering on branches. Daddy is going to meet us there with a wagon."
 
-Koson was an expensive distillery a few miles past the valley. Even so, Brook had to come out of her way to make her way to the Sterlig's valley. It wasn't not an easy place to find.
+Koson was an expensive distillery a few miles past the valley. Even so, Brook had to come out of her way to the Sterlig Valley. It wasn't not an easy place to find.
 
 Linsan flushed. Her stomach twisted as she glared at Brook. "I come here to get away from people like you."
 
-"Yes, you should do that." Brook stepped forward. "If fact, you and the rest of your rotten family should move here where we never have to see you again." Her dark brown eyes flashed underneath the wide brim of her hat. "You are a stain on Penesol, a reminder that even the fame of the Sterlig's would crumble."
+"Yes, you should do that." Brook stepped forward. "In fact, you and the rest of your rotten family should move here to where we never have to see you again." Her dark brown eyes flashed underneath the wide brim of her hat. "You are a stain on Penesol, a reminder that the Sterlig used to be famous crafters, not cowards hiding from their debts."
 
-With a flinch, Linsan had to force herself to relax her grip in fears of breaking her bow. She trembled as the tears rose in her eyes. "My family was ruined in that fire. We lost---"
+With a flinch, Linsan had to force herself to relax her grip in fear of breaking her bow. She trembled as the tears rose in her eyes. "My family was ruined in that fire. We lost---"
 
 "So was mine! But we didn't have your mother's fame to keep us floating in the muck. We fell in and drowned. We lost everything, I lost everything." Brook's voice grew sharper. "We had to move. I lost my room and everything in it. We had to sell the pictures, my dolls, and even my paintings. We lived in a tent for a year because of you!" Her screams bounced off the rocks before fading.
 
@@ -111,7 +111,7 @@ Linsan shook her head. "But you're fine now. Your father is one of the richest p
 
 Brook stomped hard on the ground. She screamed, "No thanks to you and your damn family!"
 
-A flush of heat and discomfort rolled through Linsan's body. It was shocking how she could almost trace the wave as it radiating from her chest and flowed down into her hands and feet. Her violin trembled, the vibrations humming along the strings.
+A flush of heat and discomfort rolled through Linsan's body. It was shocking how she could almost trace the wave as it radiated from her chest and flowed down into her hands and feet. Her violin trembled, the vibrations humming along the strings.
 
 Brook stepped over Linsan's case and into the empty space between the walls. "Your father didn't help us! Your mother didn't either! Your damn parents walked away when we needed you the most!" Her face grew redder with every word.
 
@@ -119,7 +119,7 @@ Brook stepped over Linsan's case and into the empty space between the walls. "Yo
 
 "And I was eight and I lost everything!"
 
-"That was six years ago! We were both little girls!" Linsan desperately wanted to get away. It was turning into a fight but there were no teachers to break it up and they were at least a half an hour away from anyone could help. She glanced past Brook to her cases. They were now trapped between the three girls.
+"That was six years ago! We were both little girls!" Linsan desperately wanted to get away. It was turning into a fight but there were no teachers to break it up and they were at least a half an hour away from anyone who could help. She glanced past Brook to her cases. They were now trapped between the three girls.
 
 Brook's face twisted into a deep scowl. "We lived in hell for most of those years! Tents, that horrible cabin, even the Couple-damned apartment filled with bugs! That is our hell and you had to go through none of it!"
 
@@ -131,15 +131,15 @@ Her friend flinched.
 
 Turning back, Brook took another step toward Linsan. The tall grasses dragged at her dress. "You didn't lose anything important. Just this place---"
 
-As Brook gestured to the ruins around her, Linsan ground her jaw together. Brook didn't know what she was talking about. She had no idea how much the fire took out of her family. She opened her mouth to say something but Brook interrupted her.
+As Brook gestured to the ruins around her, Linsan ground her teeth together. Brook didn't know what she was talking about. She had no idea how much the fire took out of her family. She opened her mouth to say something but Brook interrupted her.
 
-"No, you don't get to tell me about losing things. It doesn't matter! You lost nothing but your damnable pride. You even still have one of your father's famous violins in our vault. Just a single box as if was the most important thing in the world. It's probably worth more than my father, but your parents don't have," she spat out the world, "to sell that, do you?"
+"No, you don't get to tell me about losing things. It doesn't matter! You lost nothing but your damnable pride. You even still have one of your father's famous violins in our vault. Just a single box as if was the most important thing in the world. It's probably worth more than my father, but your parents don't have," she spat out the word, "to sell that, do you?"
 
 When Brook's father had recovered from the fire, he had bought one of the banks in town. It was where Linsan's father had taken Palisis for safe keeping.
 
 Linsan jumped off the wall toward Brook. "I lost more than that, cow!"
 
-From behind Brook, her other friend spoke up. "Brook? I thought we were just going to tease her? This is going too far." She was obviously uncomfortable. Both of them had stepped back away from the wall.
+From behind Brook, her other friend spoke up. "Brook? I thought we were just going to tease her? This is going too far." She was obviously uncomfortable. Both of them had stepped back, away from the wall.
 
 Brook appeared to ignore her as she stomped toward Linsan. She released her dress which dragged along the wildflowers that Linsan hadn't crushed with her dancing. She was sweating as she did, droplets running down her face and marring her makeup.
 
@@ -165,9 +165,9 @@ Brook's lips pressed into a thin line.
 
 Linsan wanted to look away, to avoid the conflict, but couldn't. She stared back and waited for what would happen next. Her lungs hurt and she realized she was holding her breath, but she didn't dare let it go.
 
-Brook yanked back. "Rot in a pile of rancid crap," she muttered and spun around. Her dress tugged on the grasses around them as she stormed forward.
+Brook yanked back. "Rot in a pile of rancid crap," she muttered and spun around. Her dress tugged on the grasses around them as she stormed away.
 
-Letting out her breath, Linsan almost slumped forward. She got a better grip on her bow and instrument; both of her palms were slick with sweat. The rest of her body still felt uncomfortable, as if her skin wasn't fitting quite right anymore.
+Letting out her breath, Linsan squirmed. She got a better grip on her bow and instrument; both of her palms were slick with sweat. The rest of her body still felt uncomfortable, as if her skin wasn't fitting quite right anymore.
 
 She panted as she watched Brook walk toward the entrance. Beyond Brook, her two friends were already walking back. Linsan just had to hold on a little longer, then she and her friends would be gone and she could let herself go, no doubt to cry.
 
@@ -185,7 +185,7 @@ Linsan's vision blurred for a moment. She fought back the nausea, she couldn't t
 
 Brook's friends stopped and turned to look back. Neither were smiling. One slowly lifted her hand to her mouth.
 
-Brook held up her dress and kicked the case again. It slammed into the stone wall and the lid sheered off, bouncing on the stone before falling to the ground. Papers fluttered everywhere.
+Brook held up her dress and kicked the case again. It slammed into the stone wall and the lid sheered off, bouncing on the stone before falling to the ground.
 
 With tears in her eyes, Linsan walked toward her. "Stop! Why are you doing that!? I bought that with my own money!"
 
@@ -215,11 +215,11 @@ Linsan swung wildly but missed.
 
 Linsan dropped to the ground.
 
-Brook rolled her eyes and then brought her knee up. The soft padding of her dress did little to cushion the impact as it connected with Linsan's chin with a sickening crunch.
+Brook rolled her eyes and then brought her knee up. The soft padding of her dress did little to cushion the impact as it connected with Linsan's chin with a crunch.
 
-With a groan, Linsan fell back. She clutched her nose with one hand and felt hot blood pouring down between her fingers.
+With a groan, Linsan fell back. She clutched her jaw with one hand and felt the pain radiating from between her fingers.
 
-Brook leaned toward her. "Do you really think a dress is going to stop me? I have two sisters, I know how to fight!"
+Brook leaned toward her. "Do you really think a dress is going to stop me? I have two sisters! I know how to fight!"
 
 Sick and dizzy and enraged, Linsan staggered to her feet. "Don't you dare burn Palisis!"
 
@@ -255,7 +255,7 @@ Brook pointed at her. "You're going to get arrested for this! You attacked me!"
 
 Linsan scrambled to her feet.
 
-Brook flipped her thumb at her. "You hit me one more time and you'll spent the rest of your life rotting in some jail. I promise you, if it comes between us, you know the town will listen to my dad over yours."
+Brook flipped her thumb at her. "You hit me one more time and you'll spend the rest of your life rotting in some jail. I promise you, if it comes between us, you know the town will listen to my dad over yours."
 
 Hesitating, Linsan didn't doubt it was true. No one wanted to talk about her father anymore. They averted their eyes whenever he left the house.
 
@@ -283,7 +283,7 @@ Around them, the forest was deathly silent.
 
 Brook stood up, her arms covered in dirt and blood. "What did you do?" Looking around, she bent over and picked up a large rock. With a grunt, she threw it at Linsan.
 
-Moving reflexively, Linsan didn't dodge it. She felt the tone before she played it, a single sharp note. It ran out from her violin, drawn by her bow.
+Moving reflexively, Linsan didn't dodge it. She felt the tone before she played it, a single sharp note. It ran out from her violin, drawn by her bow. In her panic, the sound ended with a screech but it was enough.
 
 The air rippled around her as something shot out, spearing the rock and knocking it aside.
 
@@ -293,7 +293,7 @@ The notes were burning in her head and she played them without thinking. It wasn
 
 Brook staggered back. "Bitch!"
 
-Enraged, Linsan continue to play. She pummeled Brook with rapid blows, each one in perfect harmony with the notes in the back of her head. She didn't think she could stop. She wasn't even sure she wanted to.
+Enraged, Linsan continued to play. She pummeled Brook with rapid blows, each one in perfect harmony with the notes in the back of her head. She didn't think she could stop. She wasn't even sure she wanted to.
 
 Brook fell back in a spray of blood. Her shoulders slammed hard against the ground.
 
@@ -301,7 +301,7 @@ Shocked, Linsan froze. Her bow hovered inches above the strings, waiting to stri
 
 A few birds called out.
 
-Linsan's arm began to tremble. The anger ebbed away, leaving behind an exhaustion that startled her. She shook her head. She knew everyone had a magical talent, but no one ever explained how they got it. She always thought it would be some secret ritual her parents would use, but somehow she had just used to magic through her instrument.
+Linsan's arm began to tremble. The anger ebbed away, leaving behind an exhaustion that startled her. She shook her head. She knew everyone had a magical talent, but no one ever explained how they got it. She always thought it would be some secret ritual her parents would use, but somehow she had just used magic through her instrument.
 
 She glanced at her bow and gave a little hesitant pull. The note rang out and the energy hummed around her. It fluttered against her skin, a little caress of power that was almost invisible in the air.
 
@@ -343,7 +343,11 @@ Linsan thought about chasing after her but the cuts and ached throbbed in her jo
 
 Her first thought was to run home but there was only one road leading into the valley. She wasn't going to give Brook a chance to ambush her. She had to wait.
 
-With a hiss of pain, she got up and gathered the remains of her violin case and school bag. The case was ruined, shattered by whatever power Brook had summoned. The walls were also completely destroyed and the stones were scattered dozens of feet away in a spray. Brook's magic was far more destructive than Linsan's musical blasts.
+With a hiss of pain, she got up and frantically looked for her violin. THe fear that Brook had smashed it hovered in her thoughts until she found it unharmed in the grass. With a gasp of relief, she snatched it up along brought it to the smashed remains of her instrument case. The sides of the leather-lined container had been shattered by whatever power Brook had summoned.
+
+Her vision blurred as she looked at the ruined wall of the workshop. Years ago, the fire had scorched the stones but Brook's power had blasted it apart. In the still crumbling opening, she could see the stones scattered dozens of feet in a spray pattern.
+
+Brook's magic was far more destructive than Linsan's musical blasts.
 
 Linsan scoffed. Naturally, the gods decided that Brook would have more talent.
 

chapters/chapter-005.md

@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ summary: >
 
 > The rise of the affluent middle class was a surprise to almost everyone. No one expected that workers would ever have the wealth and power of High Society. --- Wastor da Joknig, _After the Destruction of Natural Order_
 
-Miserable, Linsan limped up the stone path leading home. The blood on her hands and face had dried on the long, painful walk home. It felt like every joint in her body ached from where Brook's blast had tossed her aside.
+Miserable, Linsan limped up the stone path leading to her house. The blood on her hands and face had dried on the long, painful walk home. Every joint in her body ached from where Brook's blast had tossed her aside.
 
 She spat into the wilted flowers along the side of the path and regarded the stairs leading up to her porch. Every step seemed like an agony and the three steps were almost too much.
 
@@ -59,7 +59,7 @@ Linsan shook her head. "No, she's just left for another tour of _My Fairest Rose
 
 Dukan ran his hand along his short, dark hair. He smiled and shrugged. "Pity. I haven't had a chance to see that play. I've always loved watching your mother dance."
 
-"This is the third season," Broke muttered.
+"This is the third season," Brook muttered.
 
 He seemed lost for a moment. Then he smiled brightly. "Your dad in?"
 
@@ -93,7 +93,7 @@ Linsan gasped and stumbled back until she hit the step with her foot. "W-What?"
 
 Muscles along Brook's jaw tightened.
 
-Linsan rushed forward with her anger, shoving forward with her body. "You're the one who followed me to the workshop. You were the one who said my family was trash and---"
+Linsan shoving forward with her body. "You're the one who followed me to the workshop. You were the one who said my family was trash and---"
 
 "Your family is trash, you stupid bitch!" Brook shoved back with her bandaged hands.
 
@@ -129,9 +129,13 @@ He held out his hand for Linsan.
 
 Crying from the pain, Linsan took it and pulled herself up to her feet. She glanced at her father.
 
-Sian looked old at the top of the stairs. His skin was pale and wrinkled and there was no joy left in his eyes. He sighed and shook his head.
+Sian looked old at the top of the stairs. His skin was pale and wrinkled and there was no joy in his eyes as they looked her over from head to toe. With every second, his lips thinned.
 
-She cringed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fight."
+She cringed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get into a fight."
+
+"Anything broke? Do you need a bone setter?" Her father's voice was tense.
+
+"No... it just hurts... a little. I'm sorry." Tears burned in her eyes as she took in his disapproving look.
 
 "No," Dukan said, "I should apologize for my daughter. She obviously can't be trusted to exercise restraint."
 
@@ -139,7 +143,7 @@ Brook started to speak, "Sorry---"
 
 He held up his hand to silence her without looking at her. "Who or what is Palisis?"
 
-Sian spoke from the porch. "It's Marin's violin. The one I gave her when she married Junith."
+Sian spoke from the porch step. His voice was low and listless. "It's Marin's violin. The one I gave her when she married Junith."
 
 "Marin? She didn't keep it? Did... she get divorced again?"
 
@@ -153,9 +157,9 @@ Linsan tensed. She still remembered the first and only time she played the instr
 
 Sian nodded. "Yeah, never been played."
 
-Even though he didn't say it, Linsan could see her father die a little by lying to his best and oldest friend. His eyes shimmered with tears for a moment before he wiped them with the back of his hand.
+Even though he didn't say it, Linsan watched as her father's shoulders tensed and he clenched his hand. His eyes shimmered with tears for a moment before he wiped them with the back of his hand.
 
-Dukan looked confused. "It's a virgin Sterlig, Sian. Selling that would get you millions of cuks. You wouldn't have to be writing essays for pittance. Why are you working when that thing could set you for life?"
+Dukan looked confused. "It's a virgin Sterlig, Sian. Any musician with talent would sell their souls for the power that comes from being the first. Selling that would get you millions of cuks. You wouldn't have to be writing essays for pittance. Why are you working when that thing could set you for life?"
 
 Sian shook his head. "It's Marin, Dukan. You know that. There isn't another person closer to both of us than her. How could I just... throw that away for some money? We are surviving. It's a hard life but there are some things Tis and I just couldn't give up."
 
@@ -169,19 +173,19 @@ Linsan didn't answer.
 
 Dukan patted Sian's hand a few more times before he backed down the stairs until he was even with Linsan. "It will be safe at my bank, Sian. I promise you that. And if you ever do decide to sell it, I will make sure you get everything you need."
 
-Her father nodded. "Thank you, Dukan. I'm sorry for everything. I'm glad that you came out of this in a better place."
+Her father nodded. "Thank you, Dukan. I'm sorry for everything. After the fire, I... I... lost myself. Between the debtors and the loss, we barely made it through in one piece. I'm glad that you came out of this in a better place."
 
-"No one could have known that the fire would destroy everything. However, it's obvious that I've obviously drifted from your life in the last eight years. I apologize for that." He glanced at Linsan. "Look, I have a good run of luck lately and life is pretty rosy for our family. Not to mention, money isn't as tight as---"
+"No one could have known that the fire would destroy everything. However, it's obvious that I've drifted from your life in the last eight years as well. I apologize for that." He glanced at Linsan. "Look, I have a good run of luck lately and life is pretty rosy for our family. Not to mention, money isn't as tight as---"
 
-He turned to Brook with a stern look. "---some of us make it out to be."
+He turned to Brook with a stern look. "---some of us make it out to be. We are quite comfortable at this point and you know that."
 
 Brook's cheeks colored.
 
-Sian pulled a face. "Dukan, I'm honored but---"
+Sian cringed before he said, "Dukan, I'm honored but---"
 
-Dukan held up his hand. "I worked for both you and your father for my entire life. You were always good men and as close to family as you can get. This is the least I can do. Let me help, even if you are too proud, your daughter deserves this."
+Dukan turned back held up his hand. "I worked for both you and your father for my entire life. You were always good men and as close to family as you can get. This is the least I can do. Let me help, even if you are too proud, your daughter deserves this."
 
-Linsan inhaled with surprise. She glanced at Brook who looked hurt and just as surprise as herself.
+Linsan inhaled with surprise. She glanced at Brook who looked hurt and just as shocked as herself.
 
 "Just a couple hundred cukdins a month? Three? To help with the bills? Make sure she has a good start?"
 
@@ -195,13 +199,13 @@ Sian nodded.
 
 Linsan looked back. Judging from Brook's expression, she obviously didn't know about the move.
 
-"I'm sorry, but this probably means we're aren't going to see much of each other again. Not that I've been around a lot since the fire."
+"I'm sorry, but you have to admit, we're never going back to the way it was."
 
-Linsan could feel the profound sadness. Over the years, she's seen her father's friends drifting away as fortunes shifted. There weren't many left and Dukan barely visited. It felt like she was watching the last plank bridging their past lives and today being removed.
+Linsan felt her father's profound sadness. Over the years, she's seen her father's friends drifting away as fortunes shifted. Dukan was one of them. THe conversation between DUkan and her father felt like she was watching the last plank bridging their past lives and today being removed.
 
 "I understand, Duk." Sian sighed and nodded.
 
-"Please, let me help? At least until she's done with school? Maybe a few years after that? Until she's twenty?"
+"Please, let me help you one last time? At least until she's done with school? She'll be eighteen then. You could use the money."
 
 With tears rolling down his cheeks, Sian nodded again.
 
@@ -211,7 +215,7 @@ Brook looked at her, some of the anger replaced by confusion. Then she followed
 
 Linsan didn't move as she watched them drive away. Then she turned to look at her father. "I'm sorry."
 
-He wiped the tears from his eyes. "I always knew it was going to happen."
+He wiped the tears from his eyes. "I always knew it was going to happen. He was back on his feet less than a year after the fire."
 
 "Daddy?"
 
@@ -227,7 +231,7 @@ Her father stopped moving for a moment, then he turned and opened the door. "Com
 
 She cringed. "Yes."
 
-"Then it would take the Couple walking the earth hand-in-hand to stop you from playing. After all, you've been teaching yourself on the sly for months. I'd rather you know how to play properly than to hurt someone with a misplaced melody or note. So, you need to have lessons and I'm probably the best person to teach you properly."
+"Then it would take the Couple walking the earth hand-in-hand to stop you from playing. I'd rather you know how to play properly than to hurt someone with a misplaced melody or note. So, you need to have lessons and I'd rather teach you than you playing on the sly for the last few months when you didn't think I could hear you."
 
 She gasped in surprise.
 

chapters/chapter-006.md

@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@ She reached the end of the song and slowed her feet.
 
 "No, keep going," encouraged Tisin. She deftly jumped on the remains of the wall and danced along it. "Keep going!"
 
-Encourage, Linsan hopped on the wall and raced along it, jumping and twirling as she did. Her bare feet smacked against the weather-smoothed rock. The sun-warmed stone felt good against her toes as she raced along the side.
+Encouraged, Linsan hopped on the wall and raced along it, jumping and twirling as she did. Her bare feet smacked against the weather-smoothed rock. The sun-warmed stone felt good against her toes as she raced along the side.
 
 She missed a few of the notes but it didn't matter. She leaped off the end and landed neatly on the soft ground.
 
@@ -55,7 +55,7 @@ Linsan looked around at the few remaining walls. They were almost completely era
 
 Surprised, she looked back at her mother.
 
-Tisin looked happy as she peered around. "I guess I could think about what we lost but why? Sadness and hatred is an anchor, it pulls you down and drowns you."
+Tisin looked happy as she peered around. "I guess I could think about what we lost but why? Sadness and hatred are anchors that pulls you down and drown you."
 
 Linsan smirked. "Isn't that one of your lines?"
 
@@ -141,7 +141,7 @@ For the first time in Linsan's memory, Tisin's smile faded.
 
 A cold shiver ran down Linsan's spine.
 
-"We have enough for a while," came the less-than-cheerful response. Tisin shifted slightly, sitting up. She reached for the jar of ice water they had brought with them. "This will only be a couple of months. We've saved up enough that we don't have to worry for... quite a while."
+"We have enough for a while." Tisin didn't look at Linsan as she sat up. She reached for the jar of ice water they had brought with them. "This will only be a couple of months. We've saved up enough that we don't have to worry for... quite a while."
 
 Hating the feeling of dread that draped over her, Linsan thought about their situation. She never had to worry about a roof over her head, but she knew it was always tight ever since the fire. It had been years since they lost everything, everything but a few boxes and Palisis, her father's last violin.
 
@@ -151,9 +151,11 @@ A violin that hadn't been played, a virgin as Dukan called it, would be worth mi
 
 Linsan jumped. "What? No. I mean, yes. H-How? I didn't say anything."
 
-Her mother sighed. "Nothing more than a good guess. I figured your thoughts would go there because that was where both your father and I did. But you don't have the history of that violin that we share. You wouldn't understand how important it is to both of us."
+Her mother sighed. "Nothing more than a good guess. I figured your thoughts would go there because that was where both your father and I went. But you don't have the history of that violin that we share. You didn't live through the events that led us to that day: the day when we dissolved our marriages and forged new ones, when we promised to always love each other, when that violin meant that we would all be happy. Palasis was a promise between four best friends who loved each other more than anything else."
 
-"More than not having money?" Linsan felt weird asking her parents about such an adult topic.
+A tear ran down her cheek.
+
+Linsan reached up and brushed it from her mother's cheek.
 
 Tisin shook her head, then she reached over to hug Linsan tightly. "Losing you is the only thing worse than losing Mar's and Jun's memory. If it came down to you and it, we'll sell it, but otherwise we're going to keep it until there is no other choice. Once made, that decision cannot be undone."
 

chapters/chapter-007.md

@@ -13,7 +13,9 @@ Linsan had only been eighteen for a day and she was about to do the first adult
 
 It started with buying a little less at the store for food. Then it was replacing their favorite teas with more local ones with less flavor. Then the dairy delivery went from every three days to once a week and then every other week. Her mother's dresses changed with their fortune, the fancy materials carefully wrapped and placed in the attic. The ones she wore to clean house became her daily outfits, though she never stopped wearing hats and the occasional gloves. The fanciest she got was when her weekly students came in to learn how to sing. There were only three of them.
 
-What started as a vague idea became a necessity when Linsan saw how anxious both of her parents were for the monthly monies that came from Dukan, a man who worked with her father before the fire that destroyed everything. He had done well for himself, though she hadn't seen him for better part of five years. The only reminder came once a month like clockwork, two hundred and fifty cukdins on the third day. Cash.
+What started as a vague idea became a necessity when Linsan saw how anxious both of her parents were for the monthly monies that came from Dukan. He had continued to do well for himself with the occasional appearance in the newspapers or a notice about a new purchase he had made. She hadn't seen him in better part of five years though, true to his word, he didn't come around any longer and she only had a vague idea of what he looked like.
+
+The only reminder came once a month like clockwork, two hundred and fifty cukdins on the third day. A bundle of currency cards that were carefully doled out in a matter of minutes.
 
 Dukan had said the money would last until a few years after school. With her final days in a few weeks, she decided to head for his bank and ask for an extension and possibly more money. Maybe he would be generous. Just until her mother got another show or her father got a commission for a book or something more dramatic than the weekly newspapers.
 

chapters/chapter-008.md

@@ -15,11 +15,11 @@ With her imagination exhausted, she entertained herself with the construction ar
 
 In the back of her head, she couldn't imagine how much the new construction cost. Her family was struggling to pay the bills but everyone seemed to be prospering.
 
-A little of her confidence faded with doubt. Did Dukan already have skilled employees. She couldn't do much besides play a violin and dance and she wasn't sure if she had a place among the money being thrown around to build everything.
+A little of her confidence faded with doubt. Did Dukan already have skilled employees? She couldn't do much besides play a violin and dance and she wasn't sure if she had a place among the money being thrown around to build everything.
 
 She reached the city square, a three by three block park that had places for picnics, galleries, and even a small zoo with "marvelous creatures from the forbidden deserts!" She chuckled but didn't have the time or the three cukdins to go through the exhibit.
 
-Not wanting to tease herself with the zoo, she went around until she spotted Dukan's bank on the far side. It was just like she remembered from before, a one-story building that reached deep into the block. Six thick pillars marked the entrance, each one a carved figure of a man carrying books or a staves. She vaguely remembered them as heads of the various banking unions throughout Kormar, but she didn't know their names or even what they did.
+Not wanting to tease herself with the zoo, she circled around until she spotted Dukan's bank on the far side. It was just like she remembered from before, a one-story building that reached deep into the block. Six thick pillars marked the entrance, each one a carved figure of a man carrying books or a staves. She vaguely remembered them as heads of the various banking unions throughout Kormar, but she didn't know their names or even what they did.
 
 Linsan hesitated on the opposite side of the road, one foot in the park and the other on the boardwalk that surrounded it. Around her, men in suits and ladies in dresses hurried around as they headed to their jobs and hobbies.
 
@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@ She felt scared and nervous. Tugging on her wool coat, she couldn't decide if sh
 
 A high-pitched horn cut through the din. She turned to the sound as a vehicle came rolling around the corner. It was another of the automatic carriages, the black panels shining as the driver honk their horn to chase a horse and people out of the way.
 
-Seeing the car was another change that Linsan hadn't gotten used to yet. Only the rich could afford them but there were a lot more in the city. She had seen at least three on her way to the bank, but the horses will outnumbered the steam-belching devices.
+Seeing the car was another change that Linsan hadn't gotten used to yet. Only the rich could afford them but there were a lot more in the city. She had seen at least three on her way to the bank, but the horses still outnumbered the steam-belching devices.
 
 Linsan didn't like them. They scared her with so much metal and they moved too fast for her liking.
 
@@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ The car coming around the corner started to slow down near her.
 
 She stepped back to avoid it, but then bumped into someone walking behind her. At the hiss, she forced herself to step closer.
 
-To her relief, the vehicle rolled past her. The ground shook underneath her feet from its passing. A cloud of acid-smelling steam followed after it along with the heavy scent of burning oil and wet leather.
+To her relief, the vehicle rolled past her. The ground shook underneath her feet from its passing. A cloud of acidic steam followed after it along with the heavy scent of burning oil and wet leather.
 
 The driver surprised her. It was a woman driving by herself. The slender lady wore a beautiful green dress with a matching gloves and hat. The hat had lace covering her face but there was no mistaking the large curls of black hair that fell off a pale neck and silk-covered shoulders.
 
@@ -55,7 +55,7 @@ Linsan watched with a sinking sensation. She couldn't just follow after her. She
 
 She turned and looked back at the zoo. Maybe she could peek at the creatures? She had a few cukdins in her pocket.
 
-"Linsan Sterlig?"
+"Linsan? Linsan Sterlig?"
 
 She froze at her name. Then cringed when she realized it had to be the lady driver. Slowly, she turned around.
 
@@ -87,7 +87,7 @@ Linsan's blush grew hotter. She looked away to avoid looking at Brook.
 
 Brook snorted.
 
-Linsan struggled to say something but then three men walked around them to cut across the street. She spotted a strange case on the back of one of them. The words froze in her throat as she turned to watch them with the scent of wood smoke teasing her nose.
+Linsan struggled to say something but then three men walked around them to cut across the street. She spotted a strange case on the back of one of them. It was for a stringed instrument, but the proportions were wrong. The words froze in her throat as she turned to watch them with the scent of wood smoke teasing her nose.
 
 All three wore leather dusters, long coats that were suited for traveling on the roads and less in town. However, the case drew her curiosity. It looked like it was for a string instrument but the shell was too large to be a violin, too small for a cello, and wider than either.
 
@@ -109,7 +109,7 @@ Brook stepped closer, her voice rising. She was slightly taller than Linsan in h
 
 "You all made a choice to be poor and you know it. All you had to do was stop clinging to your past and you could be richer than us! But, you decided that it was more important to leave all that money gathering dust in a bank vault than get on with your lives!"
 
-Brook spat on the ground to the side. "That's what's wrong with you."
+Brook spat on the ground to the side. "That's what's wrong with you. You and the rest of the Sterligs."
 
 Linsan shivered with discomfort. She wanted to run away with doubt. Brook was right, she was asking for money like a fool. Tears burned in her eyes as she berated herself for even considering coming to the bank.
 
@@ -161,7 +161,7 @@ Linsan limped back and then stood up gingerly. Her eyes turned immediately towar
 
 Something tickled her hand. Glancing down, she saw rivers of crimson pouring down her elbow. Shaking, she followed the blood up to where a large shard of glass was sticking out of the meat of her upper arm. The sharp edge glinted as she stared at it.
 
-Dazed, Linsan reached up and pulled it out. She could feel the wet sucking before it popped free with a gout of blood. Her hand trembling, she tossed the glass aside and then looked around for something to stop the blood that was now pouring out.
+Dazed, Linsan reached up and pulled it out. She could feel the wet sucking before it popped free with a gout of blood. Her hand trembling, she tossed the glass aside and then looked around for something to stop the blood that poured out.
 
 She couldn't tell why she wasn't panicking, or why it didn't hurt. She couldn't find anything obvious until she peered into Brook's hard. There was a blue scarf that looked like it was part of a fancy dress but it looked thick. She grabbed it and then wrapped it around her arm, wincing without really feeling the pain.
 
@@ -211,9 +211,9 @@ Linsan raised her arm to protect her face.
 
 When she peeked back, Brook was storming into the burning bank. Her hands clapped together and another explosion blew parts of the wall away.
 
-"Brook!" screamed Linsan and chased after her. She didn't have any ability to do anything, not without a music instrument. She left her own violin at home, thinking she wouldn't need it.
+"Brook!" screamed Linsan and chased after her. She didn't have any ability to do anything, not without a music instrument. She had left her own violin at home, thinking she wouldn't need it.
 
-Inside, the heat was overwhelming. It felt like it was sucking the air out of Linsan's lungs and causing her kin to crawl with sharp scratches. Everything was burning and her eyes were blurred from the smoke and heat.
+Inside, the heat was overwhelming. It felt like it was sucking the air out of Linsan's lungs and causing her skin to crawl with sharp scratches. Everything was burning and her eyes were blurred from the smoke and heat.
 
 The stranger picked himself up from the ground. His instrument swung around as he slapped it into place. He managed to blast off a chord with his right hand before Brook's clap exploded against his chest. The force of the blow caused the ceiling to creak as he was thrown back into the wall. Burning wood fell down around him as he managed to keep on his feet.
 
@@ -229,7 +229,7 @@ A wave of concussive force like Brook's radiated from the impact. It didn't snuf
 
 Brook looked frightened as she clapped her hands again. Blood splattered across the ground as she interrupted the flames but some of the heat curled her dark hair and scorched her dress. She staggered back, her feet scraping on the blackened ground.
 
-The third stranger came rushing in from one of the offices. He also had a bag on his shoulder and there were paper cukdins spilling out across the ground before the currency cards ignited from the heat. "Damn! What you need, Til?"
+A third man came rushing in from one of the offices. He also had a bag on his shoulder and there were cukdins spilling out across the ground before the currency cards ignited from the heat. "Damn! What you need, Til?"
 
 The one playing the instrument called out. "Gab! Car's out back, clear a path!"
 

project-words.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,4 @@
+cukdins
+Katsaril
+Linsan
+Palisis