fix: integrated edits for four

chapters/chapter-004.md

@@ -7,11 +7,11 @@ teaser: >
     As Linsan frequently did, she visited the family's ruins after school. The spot gave her peace despite everything they had lost. However, a bully from school, Dukan's daughter Brook, shows up.
 ---
 
-> Time is the only determination when stress ignites the first manifestations of power. Is the degree of emotion and the threat of life that determines the nature and measure of the power that comes forth. --- Jakor Habir-Nos, _Threats of the Children with Power_
+> One cannot pick the time when stress ignites the first manifestations of magic, nor can one choose the powers that come forth. Only introspection after the fact can guess the forces that shaped the power that came into being. --- Jakor Habir-Nos, _Threats of the Children with Power_
 
-Linsan always loved the first week of spring. As she walked along the overgrown road, she admired the new buds sprouting on the tree branches and the leaves just pushing up through the thick mat of rotted leaves. The smells of the forest were coming to life, thawed out by the early season.
+Linsan loved the first week of spring. As she walked along the overgrown road, she admired the new buds sprouting on the tree branches and the grass just pushing up through the thick mat of rotted leaves. The smells of the forest came to life, thawed by the early seasonal warmth.
 
-She paused to shift her new violin case from one shoulder to the other. It bumped against her school bag until she managed to shift it to her other side. The heavy weight of the hard case bore down on her, but it was a comforting companion on her long walks through the woods.
+She paused to shift her new violin case from one shoulder to the other. It bumped against her school bag until she managed to swing it over to her other side. The heavy weight of the hard case bore down on her, but it was a comforting companion on her long walks through the woods.
 
 When she saw the curve with the three oak trees, some of her good mood faded and her footsteps came to a stop. She looked at the thick forest around her, the way everything was living and bright.
 
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@ Stepping away into the knee-high grasses, she tuned it carefully and began to pl
 
 Her mother was also happy Linsan finally taught herself songs that didn't center on butts, though the childish part of her loved _My Ass for a Glass of Milk_ for an entirely inappropriate song.
 
-Linsan stood up and started to play. Her first song came out strong, it was a ballad about a girl and a boy. She didn't really know the words, but the melody always drew her. It was sad and sweet at the same time, an appropriate song for the ruins.
+Linsan started to play. Her first song came out strong, it was a ballad about a girl and a boy. She didn't really know the words, but the melody always drew her. It was sad and sweet at the same time, an appropriate song for the ruins.
 
 Closing her eyes, she just let the music flow around her. She imagined her father playing, the way he swayed back and forth with the movement of the bow. She followed suit, letting the song and the wind move her body as she ran through the notes.
 
@@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ She took a moment to center herself and started back into the same song. She had
 
 The sounds of her instrument drifted through the wildflowers and filled the valley.
 
-She lost the ending in a muddled mess. Frustrated, she let the violin slip from her chin rest. She had to get it, if anything because she needed to be able to play more songs.
+She lost the ending in a muddled mess. Frustrated, she let the violin slip from under her chin. She had to get it, if anything because she needed to be able to play more songs.
 
 As soon as she started the third attempt, she knew it would end up wrong and she gave up before the fifth measure.
 
@@ -77,7 +77,7 @@ A year younger than Linsan, Brook was Dukan's eldest daughter. She had her fathe
 
 Her outfit wasn't appropriate for standing in knee-high grass either.
 
-Brook held the bottom of her sea-green dress away from the ground but the lace clung to the leaves that surrounded her boots. Some of the lace had caught broken leaves and there were obvious stains of wildflowers she had to wade through.
+Brook held the bottom of her sea-green dress away from the ground but the lace clung to the leaves that surrounded her boots. Some of the lace had caught broken leaves and there were little burrs clinging to the fabric.
 
 Linsan glanced at the other two. They were still wearing their school dresses, relatively plain outfits of dark colors and somber patterns. They gave Brook the appearance of stepping off a stage or coming out of a portrait.
 
@@ -95,15 +95,15 @@ The muscles in Linsan's neck and chest tightened. She let the violin drop but ke
 
 Brook's painted lips tightened into a thin line for a moment. "Maybe I just wanted to see you jumping around like a drunken squirrel? Or screeching like some sort of beast with that bit of wood? Everyone needs some entertainment, even refined ladies."
 
-Linsan started to snap back but Brook interrupted her. "Before you ask, we are all going Koson's for dinner. A very exclusive dinner for people who are going up in the world, not backwaters squirrels scampering on branches. Daddy is going to meet us there with a wagon."
+Linsan started to snap back but Brook interrupted her. "Before you ask, we're all going to Koson's for dinner. A very exclusive dinner for people who are going up in the world, not backwater squirrels scampering on branches. Daddy is going to meet us there with a wagon."
 
-Koson was an expensive distillery a few miles past the valley. Even so, Brook had to come out of her way to make her way to the Sterlig's valley. It wasn't not an easy place to find.
+Koson was an expensive distillery a few miles past the valley. Even so, Brook had to come out of her way to the Sterlig Valley. It wasn't not an easy place to find.
 
 Linsan flushed. Her stomach twisted as she glared at Brook. "I come here to get away from people like you."
 
-"Yes, you should do that." Brook stepped forward. "If fact, you and the rest of your rotten family should move here where we never have to see you again." Her dark brown eyes flashed underneath the wide brim of her hat. "You are a stain on Penesol, a reminder that even the fame of the Sterlig's would crumble."
+"Yes, you should do that." Brook stepped forward. "In fact, you and the rest of your rotten family should move here to where we never have to see you again." Her dark brown eyes flashed underneath the wide brim of her hat. "You are a stain on Penesol, a reminder that the Sterlig used to be famous crafters, not cowards hiding from their debts."
 
-With a flinch, Linsan had to force herself to relax her grip in fears of breaking her bow. She trembled as the tears rose in her eyes. "My family was ruined in that fire. We lost---"
+With a flinch, Linsan had to force herself to relax her grip in fear of breaking her bow. She trembled as the tears rose in her eyes. "My family was ruined in that fire. We lost---"
 
 "So was mine! But we didn't have your mother's fame to keep us floating in the muck. We fell in and drowned. We lost everything, I lost everything." Brook's voice grew sharper. "We had to move. I lost my room and everything in it. We had to sell the pictures, my dolls, and even my paintings. We lived in a tent for a year because of you!" Her screams bounced off the rocks before fading.
 
@@ -111,7 +111,7 @@ Linsan shook her head. "But you're fine now. Your father is one of the richest p
 
 Brook stomped hard on the ground. She screamed, "No thanks to you and your damn family!"
 
-A flush of heat and discomfort rolled through Linsan's body. It was shocking how she could almost trace the wave as it radiating from her chest and flowed down into her hands and feet. Her violin trembled, the vibrations humming along the strings.
+A flush of heat and discomfort rolled through Linsan's body. It was shocking how she could almost trace the wave as it radiated from her chest and flowed down into her hands and feet. Her violin trembled, the vibrations humming along the strings.
 
 Brook stepped over Linsan's case and into the empty space between the walls. "Your father didn't help us! Your mother didn't either! Your damn parents walked away when we needed you the most!" Her face grew redder with every word.
 
@@ -119,7 +119,7 @@ Brook stepped over Linsan's case and into the empty space between the walls. "Yo
 
 "And I was eight and I lost everything!"
 
-"That was six years ago! We were both little girls!" Linsan desperately wanted to get away. It was turning into a fight but there were no teachers to break it up and they were at least a half an hour away from anyone could help. She glanced past Brook to her cases. They were now trapped between the three girls.
+"That was six years ago! We were both little girls!" Linsan desperately wanted to get away. It was turning into a fight but there were no teachers to break it up and they were at least a half an hour away from anyone who could help. She glanced past Brook to her cases. They were now trapped between the three girls.
 
 Brook's face twisted into a deep scowl. "We lived in hell for most of those years! Tents, that horrible cabin, even the Couple-damned apartment filled with bugs! That is our hell and you had to go through none of it!"
 
@@ -131,15 +131,15 @@ Her friend flinched.
 
 Turning back, Brook took another step toward Linsan. The tall grasses dragged at her dress. "You didn't lose anything important. Just this place---"
 
-As Brook gestured to the ruins around her, Linsan ground her jaw together. Brook didn't know what she was talking about. She had no idea how much the fire took out of her family. She opened her mouth to say something but Brook interrupted her.
+As Brook gestured to the ruins around her, Linsan ground her teeth together. Brook didn't know what she was talking about. She had no idea how much the fire took out of her family. She opened her mouth to say something but Brook interrupted her.
 
-"No, you don't get to tell me about losing things. It doesn't matter! You lost nothing but your damnable pride. You even still have one of your father's famous violins in our vault. Just a single box as if was the most important thing in the world. It's probably worth more than my father, but your parents don't have," she spat out the world, "to sell that, do you?"
+"No, you don't get to tell me about losing things. It doesn't matter! You lost nothing but your damnable pride. You even still have one of your father's famous violins in our vault. Just a single box as if was the most important thing in the world. It's probably worth more than my father, but your parents don't have," she spat out the word, "to sell that, do you?"
 
 When Brook's father had recovered from the fire, he had bought one of the banks in town. It was where Linsan's father had taken Palisis for safe keeping.
 
 Linsan jumped off the wall toward Brook. "I lost more than that, cow!"
 
-From behind Brook, her other friend spoke up. "Brook? I thought we were just going to tease her? This is going too far." She was obviously uncomfortable. Both of them had stepped back away from the wall.
+From behind Brook, her other friend spoke up. "Brook? I thought we were just going to tease her? This is going too far." She was obviously uncomfortable. Both of them had stepped back, away from the wall.
 
 Brook appeared to ignore her as she stomped toward Linsan. She released her dress which dragged along the wildflowers that Linsan hadn't crushed with her dancing. She was sweating as she did, droplets running down her face and marring her makeup.
 
@@ -165,9 +165,9 @@ Brook's lips pressed into a thin line.
 
 Linsan wanted to look away, to avoid the conflict, but couldn't. She stared back and waited for what would happen next. Her lungs hurt and she realized she was holding her breath, but she didn't dare let it go.
 
-Brook yanked back. "Rot in a pile of rancid crap," she muttered and spun around. Her dress tugged on the grasses around them as she stormed forward.
+Brook yanked back. "Rot in a pile of rancid crap," she muttered and spun around. Her dress tugged on the grasses around them as she stormed away.
 
-Letting out her breath, Linsan almost slumped forward. She got a better grip on her bow and instrument; both of her palms were slick with sweat. The rest of her body still felt uncomfortable, as if her skin wasn't fitting quite right anymore.
+Letting out her breath, Linsan squirmed. She got a better grip on her bow and instrument; both of her palms were slick with sweat. The rest of her body still felt uncomfortable, as if her skin wasn't fitting quite right anymore.
 
 She panted as she watched Brook walk toward the entrance. Beyond Brook, her two friends were already walking back. Linsan just had to hold on a little longer, then she and her friends would be gone and she could let herself go, no doubt to cry.
 
@@ -185,7 +185,7 @@ Linsan's vision blurred for a moment. She fought back the nausea, she couldn't t
 
 Brook's friends stopped and turned to look back. Neither were smiling. One slowly lifted her hand to her mouth.
 
-Brook held up her dress and kicked the case again. It slammed into the stone wall and the lid sheered off, bouncing on the stone before falling to the ground. Papers fluttered everywhere.
+Brook held up her dress and kicked the case again. It slammed into the stone wall and the lid sheered off, bouncing on the stone before falling to the ground.
 
 With tears in her eyes, Linsan walked toward her. "Stop! Why are you doing that!? I bought that with my own money!"
 
@@ -215,11 +215,11 @@ Linsan swung wildly but missed.
 
 Linsan dropped to the ground.
 
-Brook rolled her eyes and then brought her knee up. The soft padding of her dress did little to cushion the impact as it connected with Linsan's chin with a sickening crunch.
+Brook rolled her eyes and then brought her knee up. The soft padding of her dress did little to cushion the impact as it connected with Linsan's chin with a crunch.
 
-With a groan, Linsan fell back. She clutched her nose with one hand and felt hot blood pouring down between her fingers.
+With a groan, Linsan fell back. She clutched her jaw with one hand and felt the pain radiating from between her fingers.
 
-Brook leaned toward her. "Do you really think a dress is going to stop me? I have two sisters, I know how to fight!"
+Brook leaned toward her. "Do you really think a dress is going to stop me? I have two sisters! I know how to fight!"
 
 Sick and dizzy and enraged, Linsan staggered to her feet. "Don't you dare burn Palisis!"
 
@@ -255,7 +255,7 @@ Brook pointed at her. "You're going to get arrested for this! You attacked me!"
 
 Linsan scrambled to her feet.
 
-Brook flipped her thumb at her. "You hit me one more time and you'll spent the rest of your life rotting in some jail. I promise you, if it comes between us, you know the town will listen to my dad over yours."
+Brook flipped her thumb at her. "You hit me one more time and you'll spend the rest of your life rotting in some jail. I promise you, if it comes between us, you know the town will listen to my dad over yours."
 
 Hesitating, Linsan didn't doubt it was true. No one wanted to talk about her father anymore. They averted their eyes whenever he left the house.
 
@@ -283,7 +283,7 @@ Around them, the forest was deathly silent.
 
 Brook stood up, her arms covered in dirt and blood. "What did you do?" Looking around, she bent over and picked up a large rock. With a grunt, she threw it at Linsan.
 
-Moving reflexively, Linsan didn't dodge it. She felt the tone before she played it, a single sharp note. It ran out from her violin, drawn by her bow.
+Moving reflexively, Linsan didn't dodge it. She felt the tone before she played it, a single sharp note. It ran out from her violin, drawn by her bow. In her panic, the sound ended with a screech but it was enough.
 
 The air rippled around her as something shot out, spearing the rock and knocking it aside.
 
@@ -293,7 +293,7 @@ The notes were burning in her head and she played them without thinking. It wasn
 
 Brook staggered back. "Bitch!"
 
-Enraged, Linsan continue to play. She pummeled Brook with rapid blows, each one in perfect harmony with the notes in the back of her head. She didn't think she could stop. She wasn't even sure she wanted to.
+Enraged, Linsan continued to play. She pummeled Brook with rapid blows, each one in perfect harmony with the notes in the back of her head. She didn't think she could stop. She wasn't even sure she wanted to.
 
 Brook fell back in a spray of blood. Her shoulders slammed hard against the ground.
 
@@ -301,7 +301,7 @@ Shocked, Linsan froze. Her bow hovered inches above the strings, waiting to stri
 
 A few birds called out.
 
-Linsan's arm began to tremble. The anger ebbed away, leaving behind an exhaustion that startled her. She shook her head. She knew everyone had a magical talent, but no one ever explained how they got it. She always thought it would be some secret ritual her parents would use, but somehow she had just used to magic through her instrument.
+Linsan's arm began to tremble. The anger ebbed away, leaving behind an exhaustion that startled her. She shook her head. She knew everyone had a magical talent, but no one ever explained how they got it. She always thought it would be some secret ritual her parents would use, but somehow she had just used magic through her instrument.
 
 She glanced at her bow and gave a little hesitant pull. The note rang out and the energy hummed around her. It fluttered against her skin, a little caress of power that was almost invisible in the air.
 
@@ -343,7 +343,11 @@ Linsan thought about chasing after her but the cuts and ached throbbed in her jo
 
 Her first thought was to run home but there was only one road leading into the valley. She wasn't going to give Brook a chance to ambush her. She had to wait.
 
-With a hiss of pain, she got up and gathered the remains of her violin case and school bag. The case was ruined, shattered by whatever power Brook had summoned. The walls were also completely destroyed and the stones were scattered dozens of feet away in a spray. Brook's magic was far more destructive than Linsan's musical blasts.
+With a hiss of pain, she got up and frantically looked for her violin. THe fear that Brook had smashed it hovered in her thoughts until she found it unharmed in the grass. With a gasp of relief, she snatched it up along brought it to the smashed remains of her instrument case. The sides of the leather-lined container had been shattered by whatever power Brook had summoned.
+
+Her vision blurred as she looked at the ruined wall of the workshop. Years ago, the fire had scorched the stones but Brook's power had blasted it apart. In the still crumbling opening, she could see the stones scattered dozens of feet in a spray pattern.
+
+Brook's magic was far more destructive than Linsan's musical blasts.
 
 Linsan scoffed. Naturally, the gods decided that Brook would have more talent.