fix: preparing for Noble Pen submission

chapters/chapter-007.md

@@ -13,7 +13,9 @@ Linsan had only been eighteen for a day and she was about to do the first adult
 
 It started with buying a little less at the store for food. Then it was replacing their favorite teas with more local ones with less flavor. Then the dairy delivery went from every three days to once a week and then every other week. Her mother's dresses changed with their fortune, the fancy materials carefully wrapped and placed in the attic. The ones she wore to clean house became her daily outfits, though she never stopped wearing hats and the occasional gloves. The fanciest she got was when her weekly students came in to learn how to sing. There were only three of them.
 
-What started as a vague idea became a necessity when Linsan saw how anxious both of her parents were for the monthly monies that came from Dukan, a man who worked with her father before the fire that destroyed everything. He had done well for himself, though she hadn't seen him for better part of five years. The only reminder came once a month like clockwork, two hundred and fifty cukdins on the third day. Cash.
+What started as a vague idea became a necessity when Linsan saw how anxious both of her parents were for the monthly monies that came from Dukan. He had continued to do well for himself with the occasional appearance in the newspapers or a notice about a new purchase he had made. She hadn't seen him in better part of five years though, true to his word, he didn't come around any longer and she only had a vague idea of what he looked like.
+
+The only reminder came once a month like clockwork, two hundred and fifty cukdins on the third day. A bundle of currency cards that were carefully doled out in a matter of minutes.
 
 Dukan had said the money would last until a few years after school. With her final days in a few weeks, she decided to head for his bank and ask for an extension and possibly more money. Maybe he would be generous. Just until her mother got another show or her father got a commission for a book or something more dramatic than the weekly newspapers.
 

chapters/chapter-008.md

@@ -15,11 +15,11 @@ With her imagination exhausted, she entertained herself with the construction ar
 
 In the back of her head, she couldn't imagine how much the new construction cost. Her family was struggling to pay the bills but everyone seemed to be prospering.
 
-A little of her confidence faded with doubt. Did Dukan already have skilled employees. She couldn't do much besides play a violin and dance and she wasn't sure if she had a place among the money being thrown around to build everything.
+A little of her confidence faded with doubt. Did Dukan already have skilled employees? She couldn't do much besides play a violin and dance and she wasn't sure if she had a place among the money being thrown around to build everything.
 
 She reached the city square, a three by three block park that had places for picnics, galleries, and even a small zoo with "marvelous creatures from the forbidden deserts!" She chuckled but didn't have the time or the three cukdins to go through the exhibit.
 
-Not wanting to tease herself with the zoo, she went around until she spotted Dukan's bank on the far side. It was just like she remembered from before, a one-story building that reached deep into the block. Six thick pillars marked the entrance, each one a carved figure of a man carrying books or a staves. She vaguely remembered them as heads of the various banking unions throughout Kormar, but she didn't know their names or even what they did.
+Not wanting to tease herself with the zoo, she circled around until she spotted Dukan's bank on the far side. It was just like she remembered from before, a one-story building that reached deep into the block. Six thick pillars marked the entrance, each one a carved figure of a man carrying books or a staves. She vaguely remembered them as heads of the various banking unions throughout Kormar, but she didn't know their names or even what they did.
 
 Linsan hesitated on the opposite side of the road, one foot in the park and the other on the boardwalk that surrounded it. Around her, men in suits and ladies in dresses hurried around as they headed to their jobs and hobbies.
 
@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@ She felt scared and nervous. Tugging on her wool coat, she couldn't decide if sh
 
 A high-pitched horn cut through the din. She turned to the sound as a vehicle came rolling around the corner. It was another of the automatic carriages, the black panels shining as the driver honk their horn to chase a horse and people out of the way.
 
-Seeing the car was another change that Linsan hadn't gotten used to yet. Only the rich could afford them but there were a lot more in the city. She had seen at least three on her way to the bank, but the horses will outnumbered the steam-belching devices.
+Seeing the car was another change that Linsan hadn't gotten used to yet. Only the rich could afford them but there were a lot more in the city. She had seen at least three on her way to the bank, but the horses still outnumbered the steam-belching devices.
 
 Linsan didn't like them. They scared her with so much metal and they moved too fast for her liking.
 
@@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ The car coming around the corner started to slow down near her.
 
 She stepped back to avoid it, but then bumped into someone walking behind her. At the hiss, she forced herself to step closer.
 
-To her relief, the vehicle rolled past her. The ground shook underneath her feet from its passing. A cloud of acid-smelling steam followed after it along with the heavy scent of burning oil and wet leather.
+To her relief, the vehicle rolled past her. The ground shook underneath her feet from its passing. A cloud of acidic steam followed after it along with the heavy scent of burning oil and wet leather.
 
 The driver surprised her. It was a woman driving by herself. The slender lady wore a beautiful green dress with a matching gloves and hat. The hat had lace covering her face but there was no mistaking the large curls of black hair that fell off a pale neck and silk-covered shoulders.
 
@@ -55,7 +55,7 @@ Linsan watched with a sinking sensation. She couldn't just follow after her. She
 
 She turned and looked back at the zoo. Maybe she could peek at the creatures? She had a few cukdins in her pocket.
 
-"Linsan Sterlig?"
+"Linsan? Linsan Sterlig?"
 
 She froze at her name. Then cringed when she realized it had to be the lady driver. Slowly, she turned around.
 
@@ -87,7 +87,7 @@ Linsan's blush grew hotter. She looked away to avoid looking at Brook.
 
 Brook snorted.
 
-Linsan struggled to say something but then three men walked around them to cut across the street. She spotted a strange case on the back of one of them. The words froze in her throat as she turned to watch them with the scent of wood smoke teasing her nose.
+Linsan struggled to say something but then three men walked around them to cut across the street. She spotted a strange case on the back of one of them. It was for a stringed instrument, but the proportions were wrong. The words froze in her throat as she turned to watch them with the scent of wood smoke teasing her nose.
 
 All three wore leather dusters, long coats that were suited for traveling on the roads and less in town. However, the case drew her curiosity. It looked like it was for a string instrument but the shell was too large to be a violin, too small for a cello, and wider than either.
 
@@ -109,7 +109,7 @@ Brook stepped closer, her voice rising. She was slightly taller than Linsan in h
 
 "You all made a choice to be poor and you know it. All you had to do was stop clinging to your past and you could be richer than us! But, you decided that it was more important to leave all that money gathering dust in a bank vault than get on with your lives!"
 
-Brook spat on the ground to the side. "That's what's wrong with you."
+Brook spat on the ground to the side. "That's what's wrong with you. You and the rest of the Sterligs."
 
 Linsan shivered with discomfort. She wanted to run away with doubt. Brook was right, she was asking for money like a fool. Tears burned in her eyes as she berated herself for even considering coming to the bank.
 
@@ -161,7 +161,7 @@ Linsan limped back and then stood up gingerly. Her eyes turned immediately towar
 
 Something tickled her hand. Glancing down, she saw rivers of crimson pouring down her elbow. Shaking, she followed the blood up to where a large shard of glass was sticking out of the meat of her upper arm. The sharp edge glinted as she stared at it.
 
-Dazed, Linsan reached up and pulled it out. She could feel the wet sucking before it popped free with a gout of blood. Her hand trembling, she tossed the glass aside and then looked around for something to stop the blood that was now pouring out.
+Dazed, Linsan reached up and pulled it out. She could feel the wet sucking before it popped free with a gout of blood. Her hand trembling, she tossed the glass aside and then looked around for something to stop the blood that poured out.
 
 She couldn't tell why she wasn't panicking, or why it didn't hurt. She couldn't find anything obvious until she peered into Brook's hard. There was a blue scarf that looked like it was part of a fancy dress but it looked thick. She grabbed it and then wrapped it around her arm, wincing without really feeling the pain.
 
@@ -211,9 +211,9 @@ Linsan raised her arm to protect her face.
 
 When she peeked back, Brook was storming into the burning bank. Her hands clapped together and another explosion blew parts of the wall away.
 
-"Brook!" screamed Linsan and chased after her. She didn't have any ability to do anything, not without a music instrument. She left her own violin at home, thinking she wouldn't need it.
+"Brook!" screamed Linsan and chased after her. She didn't have any ability to do anything, not without a music instrument. She had left her own violin at home, thinking she wouldn't need it.
 
-Inside, the heat was overwhelming. It felt like it was sucking the air out of Linsan's lungs and causing her kin to crawl with sharp scratches. Everything was burning and her eyes were blurred from the smoke and heat.
+Inside, the heat was overwhelming. It felt like it was sucking the air out of Linsan's lungs and causing her skin to crawl with sharp scratches. Everything was burning and her eyes were blurred from the smoke and heat.
 
 The stranger picked himself up from the ground. His instrument swung around as he slapped it into place. He managed to blast off a chord with his right hand before Brook's clap exploded against his chest. The force of the blow caused the ceiling to creak as he was thrown back into the wall. Burning wood fell down around him as he managed to keep on his feet.
 
@@ -229,7 +229,7 @@ A wave of concussive force like Brook's radiated from the impact. It didn't snuf
 
 Brook looked frightened as she clapped her hands again. Blood splattered across the ground as she interrupted the flames but some of the heat curled her dark hair and scorched her dress. She staggered back, her feet scraping on the blackened ground.
 
-The third stranger came rushing in from one of the offices. He also had a bag on his shoulder and there were paper cukdins spilling out across the ground before the currency cards ignited from the heat. "Damn! What you need, Til?"
+A third man came rushing in from one of the offices. He also had a bag on his shoulder and there were cukdins spilling out across the ground before the currency cards ignited from the heat. "Damn! What you need, Til?"
 
 The one playing the instrument called out. "Gab! Car's out back, clear a path!"