fix: integrating feedback from Shannon

chapters/chapter-01.md

@@ -4,17 +4,17 @@ title: The Opened Cage
 
 > The Rat Hunters were a famed band of mercenaries who traveled across the land to eliminate the worst infestations of escaped experiments and dangerous creatures. --- Ralisman Dupren, *The Rise of the Kormar Mercenary Armies*
 
-Karin yawned as she hopped off the back of the wagon. Her breath fogged around her as she limped away and let the others off behind her. Her hip protested her landing and she rubbed it as she glared around her.
+Karin yawned as she hopped off the back of the wagon. Her breath fogged around her as she limped away, making room for others getting off behind her. Her hip protested her landing, and she rubbed it as she glared around her.
 
-There were four wagons pulled into a circle. Two of the younger Rat Hunters were stacking up wood for a long night of fire. A third was using his magic to start the fire in the cooking pit. Others were setting up a stall for the paymaster; every time someone got in line to try being the first, they were volunteered for some duty.
+There were four wagons pulled into a circle. Two of the younger Rat Hunters were stacking wood for a long night of fire. A third was using his magic to light the cooking pit. Others were setting up a stall for the paymaster. The foolish hunters who tried to line up were quickly volunteered for duty. The others knew to stay away from the stall until the cash box had been opened.
 
-Roal, one of the senior of hunters, came up with two large steaming mugs. "I could have sworn there were only dicks in the wagon with you."
+Roal, one of the senior of hunters, approached Karin with two large steaming mugs. "I could have sworn there were only dicks in the wagon with you."
 
 She stared at him for a moment, then grabbed one of the mugs. "Dicks?"
 
 It took a moment for the scent of tea to penetrate the fog of waking up and realize he was referencing her sore hip. "You know me, I have no interest in a cock between my legs. No, Maril's damn boots fell out of the netting, and I was too cold to move. Spent the entire night with those steel toes digging into my hip and my tits crushed against one of the crates."
 
-Roal patted her shoulder and then grinned. "Want me to rub anything?"
+Roal patted her shoulder and then grinned. "Want me to rub anything better?"
 
 She looked at him for a long count before giving him a sweet smile. "Not unless I can cut your balls off in trade."
 
@@ -30,9 +30,9 @@ Roal had a fondness for the same type of beauty, though they were called apples
 
 "The city council is going to open the gates after they verify that we aren't going to bring any weapons inside. Apparently San Graif prides itself in being a just and noble city with a high moral caliber." Roal rolled his eyes.
 
-She gulped down some of the tea in her mug. As it burned down her throat, she smiled back. Being unarmed wasn't a concern for her. "So, you're saying there are a lot of ripe lovelies in there desperate to have a little fun?"
+She gulped down some of the tea in her mug. As it burned down her throat, she smiled back. Being unarmed wasn't a concern for her. "So, you're saying those city walls contain a lot of ripe lovelies desperate to have a little fun?"
 
-"By the Divine Couple's blessing, I hope so. It also means if we're going to have fun, we need to stay away from these assholes." He gestured to the rest of the Rat Hunters. "The guards are going to be stuck on them like those damn leeches."
+"By the Divine Couple's blessing, I hope so. It also means if we're going to have fun, we need to stay away from these assholes." He gestured to the rest of the Rat Hunters. "Most of them haven't been home in months. The guards are going to be stuck on them like those damn leeches."
 
 "Which ones? There have been so many."
 

chapters/chapter-02.md

@@ -2,29 +2,29 @@
 title: Passing Surprise
 ---
 
-> Everyone had a touch of magic in their blood, though most are limited to only a single talent or ability. --- *Limitations of the Crystal Techniques*
+> Everyone has a touch of magic in their blood, though most are limited to only a single talent or ability. --- *Limitations of the Crystal Techniques*
 
-A night of sleeping in a comfortable bed had done wonders to ease Karin's aches but she knew the nightmare would resume as soon as she passed out again. A month of comfort wasn't enough to erase her horrors. To get through the next night, she decided to prepare like she was about to enter a monster's nest and went shopping.
+A night sleeping in a comfortable bed had done wonders to ease Karin's aches but she knew the nightmare would resume as soon as she passed out again. A month of comfort wasn't enough to erase her horrors. To get through the next night, she decided to prepare like she was about to enter a monster's nest and went shopping.
 
 Two hours of cool air, warm sun, and window shopping netted her three bottles of rotgut, a few sets of clean underwear, and a new repair kit for her leather armor.
 
-San Graif was a pretty little town and she rarely had a chance to stroll along the streets. In a town like this, usually she was crawling through sewers, running down the street toward the fighting, or setting up barricades for the bigger assaults.
+San Graif was a pretty little town, and she rarely had a chance to stroll along the streets. In a town like this, usually she was crawling through sewers, running down the street toward the fighting, or setting up barricades for the bigger assaults.
 
 She smiled and tried not to think about the nightmares.
 
 Karin came around a corner and spotted a dense crowd in front of a store. Instantly, she grew wary and tightened her grip on her shopping bag.
 
-With a second look, she realized the group wasn't unruly. Almost everyone was sitting on chairs and benches. A few were reading books. Others had their faces uplifted and their eyes closed. No one crowded the store entrance and there was a clear path for her to walk through them.
+With a second look, she realized the group wasn't unruly. Almost everyone sat on chairs and benches. A few read books. Others had their faces uplifted and their eyes closed. No one crowded the store entrance and there was a clear path for her to walk through them.
 
 With her muscles tensed, she made her way along the narrow path. She looked curiously at the store as she passed but it was just a bakery and a small restaurant. Nothing looked remarkable about it at all except that it was packed with customers sitting at tables.
 
 Karin slowed with curiosity.
 
-Then she heard the sweetest song drifting through the open door. It was a popular ballad, of a lover waiting for her missing knight. But Karin had never heard it sung with such clarity or passion.
+Then she heard the sweetest song drifting through the open door. It was a popular ballad, a lover waiting for her missing knight. But Karin had never heard it sung with such clarity or passion.
 
-The woman's voice wrapped around her, tugging on her heart and dredging up a swarm of memories of previous lovers that left her gasping. There were many of them since she had become a Rat Hunter and most had ended in sweet partings. More than a few begged her to stay and the song reminded her of the longing she heard in their voices.
+The woman's voice wrapped around her, tugging on her heart and dredging up a swarm of memories of previous lovers that left her gasping. There were many of them since she had become a Rat Hunter, and most had ended in sweet partings. More than a few begged her to stay. The song reminded her of the longing she heard in their voices.
 
-A tear ran down her cheek. She glanced around but only an old woman sitting near her was watching. The others were lost in their own thoughts with glistening eyes and the occasional sniff. With a blush, she turned and peered around for a seat to keep listening but they were all occupied.
+A tear ran down her cheek. She glanced around but only an old woman sitting near her was watching. The others were lost in their own thoughts with glistening eyes and the occasional sniff. With a blush, she turned and peered around for a seat to keep listening, but they were all occupied.
 
 The old woman pointed toward the restaurant with a knitting needle. "A spot opened up in there, Love."
 
@@ -48,7 +48,7 @@ When the sound faded, she turned and headed toward a kitchen.
 
 An older man with similar hair color and nose shape stuck his head over a counter that separated the dining area from the kitchen. "Pay attention and do your damn job! New customer on twenty!"
 
-The young woman turned and looked straight at Karin. She smile broadly and Karin noticed a dimple on her cheek. Heading over, she brushed her hands on her hips.
+The young woman turned and looked straight at Karin. She smiled broadly and Karin noticed a dimple on her cheek. Heading over, she brushed her hands on her hips.
 
 Karin inhaled sharply and then smiled back.
 
@@ -56,9 +56,9 @@ When the young woman approached, Karin got a better look. The waitress appeared
 
 Karin's stomach rumbled even as she felt a heat fluttering between her legs. "Do you happen to have any peach pie?"
 
-"I'm sorry, peaches are out of season but we do have apple and pumpkin pies." Her cheerful voice never changed.
+"I'm sorry, peaches are out of season, but we do have apple and pumpkin pies." Her cheerful voice never changed.
 
-Mildly disappointed, Karin ordered a sandwich and a slice of pumpkin pie with heavy cream. She would have preferred if Lilian had answered with a sultry response. That would have meant that Karin had a chance of company that night; the afterglow of sex always pushed the nightmares away. However, the young woman's response didn't mean no; not everyone used the same hints and clues to make their desires known.
+Mildly disappointed, Karin ordered a sandwich and a slice of pumpkin pie with heavy cream. She would have preferred if Lilian had answered with a sultry response. That would have meant that Karin had a chance of company that night; the afterglow of sex always pushed the nightmares away. However, the young woman's response didn't mean no; not everyone used the same codes to make their desires known.
 
 No matter what, Karin could still enjoy the view and the fantasy that the young woman had said there were peaches on the menu. She smiled to herself and leaned back.
 

chapters/chapter-03.md

@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ Turning around, the dark-haired beauty sighed before scanning the room. Her gaze
 
 A prickle of concern raced through Karin. After listening to the sweet tones of Lilian's singing, the relative silence felt like a knife against her ear.
 
-Laughter rose up from the back room. She recognized Lilian's father but it was the second voice that caused the muscles across her chest to tight painfully. She had heard that laughter more than once since she had become a Rat Hunter: Tristoh da Lamaster, a merchant lord with a talent for funding the wrong thing.
+Laughter rose up from the back room. She recognized Lilian's father, but it was the second voice that caused the muscles across her chest to tight painfully. She had heard that laughter more than once since she had become a Rat Hunter: Tristoh da Lamaster, a merchant lord with a talent for funding the wrong thing.
 
 Surprised, she lifted herself from her seat and peered into the back room.
 
@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ Tristoh was shaking hands with Lilian's father, the distinctive sharp point of h
 
 She sat down heavily. "Shit."
 
-There had to be a connection between Lilian's sullen mood and Tristoh's presence. She strained to listen to the conversations in the other room but it was too far away. She had to stew in her own thoughts until Lilian arrived to deliver her breakfast.
+Karin suspected a connection between Lilian's sullen mood and Tristoh's presence. She strained to listen to the conversations in the other room but it was too far away. She had to stew in her own thoughts until Lilian arrived to deliver her breakfast.
 
 She reached up and rested her hand on Lilian's. "What is Tristoh doing here?"
 

chapters/chapter-04.md

@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@ With a smile, she thought about the serving trays at the bakery. As she did, she
 
 "Fucking asshole," she muttered. Gripping the plate carefully, she drew back and threw it at the wall with all her might.
 
-The bronze disk plunged deep into the plaster and wood; with a blade so sharp, it didn't need much strength to bury it but the impact would dull it instantly. The bronze vibrated from the impact.
+The bronze disk plunged deep into the plaster and wood; with a blade so sharp, it didn't need much strength to bury it, but the impact would dull it instantly. The bronze vibrated from the impact.
 
 She smiled as she listened to the ringing. Her ability to sharpen blades in the middle of the fight made her a valuable member of the Rat Hunters. Without her, the armored beasts they fought would dull or nick the blades in only a few strikes.
 

chapters/chapter-05.md

@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ Karin shrugged. "Well, more of a vague idea. I was just going in to... make sure
 
 Karin smirked.
 
-"After what Jon did, it isn't our place anymore. Most of the regulars have abandoned us, the ones left are going through the motions. It's a shame," she said shaking her head. "Lilard's has been in our family for five generations. Thanks to Jon, there won't be a sixth. He should have just told me, I would have helped but he always had too much pride and slippery fingers when it came to coin."
+"After what Jon did, it isn't our place anymore. Most of the regulars have abandoned us. The ones left are going through the motions. It's a shame," she said shaking her head. "Lilard's has been in our family for five generations. Thanks to Jon, there won't be a sixth. He should have just told me. I would have helped, but he always had too much pride and slippery fingers when it came to coin."
 
 "Is there anything you can do?"
 
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ At the sight of the frightened young woman, all the speeches and things Karin pl
 
 "I-I do. I'll lose the restaurant if---"
 
-Karin interrupted her. "You've already lost this place. If you stay, you are going to rot with it. If you go with Tristoh, he's going to take you to Tarsan and you will never return here. I know him, there is nothing good about him."
+Karin interrupted her. "You've already lost this place. If you stay, you are going to rot with it. If you go with Tristoh, he's going to take you to Tarsan, and you will never return here. I know him, there is nothing good about him."
 
 Tears sparkled in Lilian's eyes. "W-Where would I go?"
 
@@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ Karin inhaled and shook her head. She hadn't really planned this far. "I don't k
 
 Karin stared at Lilian for a long moment, fighting her urges. Then she lurched forward to kiss her. The touch of her soft lips to Karin's was everything Karin had fantasized about. She let out a moan and inched closer to slide her arms around Lilian's waist.
 
-Lilian gasped, her body still trembling. Her hands lowered to catch Karin's hip. She didn't pull or tug, but held herself still.
+Lilian gasped, her body still trembling. Her hands lowered to catch Karin's hip. She didn't pull or tug but held herself still.
 
 There was no passion, not even a hint of quickened breath or trembling limbs.
 
@@ -146,13 +146,13 @@ Karin took a deep breath to calm herself. She put on a smile before looking back
 
 Lilian smiled broadly. "I... I always dreamed of singing at the Harmony Opera. So maybe Stone Over Moon Waters?"
 
-"Done." Karin picked up the now sharpened trays. "Come on, lets get you on the road."
+"Done." Karin picked up the now sharpened trays. "Come on, let's get you on the road."
 
 Lilian looked nervous and pale. She looked around the stone hearths and ovens. "Just leave?"
 
 One of Tristoh's men grunted as he crawled up on the counter between the front and back rooms.
 
-Karin spun and threw threw one tray at each end of the heavy wooden beam over the counter. The sharpened rims easily cut through the wood. One side caught on the angle and held but the other plummeted, crushing the man's hand against the counter.
+Karin spun and threw one tray at each end of the heavy wooden beam over the counter. The sharpened rims easily cut through the wood. One side caught on the angle and held but the other plummeted, crushing the man's hand against the counter.
 
 He screamed out in agony.
 
@@ -210,7 +210,7 @@ Karin gasped in relief. "Oh, thank the Couple. Roal!"
 
 He didn't seem surprised to see her; his talent was to show up when he was needed. Slipping off the bench, he came around to open the back of the wagon and held out his hand to Lilian. "Just her or both of you running away?"
 
-No question of what had happened. No hesitation. No doubt. Roal showed up knowing that Karin needed him and answers would be given later.
+No question of what had happened. No hesitation. No doubt. Roal showed up knowing that Karin needed him, and answers would be given later.
 
 Karin worried her lip. "Just her. If I run, the Rat Hunters will pay the price. The best thing is if I surrender."
 

chapters/chapter-06.md

@@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ Karin gave him a hard look. "The last time you left, I lost three good men when
 
 Tristoh's lips tightened. She watched him forming a fist.
 
-"Before then, it was in Risol. Do your remember that village?"
+"Before then, it was in Risol. Do you remember that village?"
 
 "Shut up," snapped Tristoh.
 

chapters/chapter-07.md

@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ Behind both of them, Roal came in with a grin on his face and his hands in his p
 
 Karin stood up, wincing a little from the discomfort.
 
-Sindil peered at Karin for a moment. Then she turned to the guard. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let her out now."
+Sindil peered at Karin for a moment. Then she turned to the guard. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let her out. Now!"
 
 The guard looked nervously at Karin as he unlocked the gate.
 
@@ -58,15 +58,15 @@ She pulled out a short sword from her bag. As Karin stared in shock, Sindil deft
 
 Karin smiled. Energy danced along the blade as she sharpened it with a thought.
 
-Sindil looked at her for a long moment and then sighed. "I'm sorry it took so long to get you free. Jon was being stubborn and the sheriff is still pissed at me for refusing to serve his wife when she was the worst tax collector we ever had. A lot of bad blood for this old lady. At least her granddaughter is safe. I got a letter yesterday."
+Sindil looked at her for a long moment and then sighed. "I'm sorry it took so long to get you free. Jon was being stubborn and the sheriff is still pissed at me for refusing to serve his wife when she was the worst tax collector we ever had; he changed his mind when he saw those bulls. A lot of bad blood for this old lady. At least her granddaughter is safe. I got a letter yesterday."
 
 Karin smiled. "She was worth it."
 
-"She is," said the old woman. "Though, things were better when I was running the bakery. Twenty years ago, we didn't have my granddaughter's lovely voice but peach pies was always on the menu."
+"She is," said the old woman. "Though, things were better when I was running the bakery. Twenty years ago, we didn't have my granddaughter's lovely voice but peach pie was always on the menu."
 
 Karin made it two steps before the words registered. She inhaled sharply and looked over.
 
-The old woman grinned and squeezed Karin's arm. "Maybe after you save our city, I could make you one? The recipe is on the old side, but I'd bet you'd like a slice. I heard it's got a bit of bite."
+The old woman grinned and squeezed Karin's arm. "Maybe after you save our city, I could make you one? The recipe is on the old side, but I heard the classics are always the best. I'd bet you'd like a slice. I heard it's got a bit of bite."
 
 Karin stared in shock and her smile returned.