fix: integrating changes from writing group

README.md

@@ -29,3 +29,7 @@ Do send: Your story with your contact details, name (and pseudonym, if applicabl
 Don’t send: Fanfic of any kind. (Unless specified by the call for submissions.) Grotesque horror. Anything over 10,000 words without querying first.
 
 https://www.cantinapublishing.com/submissions/
+
+# Cut Elements
+
+> Women who loved other women would use the word "peach" to signal to each other of their interests. --- *Slang in the Northern Cultures*

chapters/chapter-01.md

@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ Roal, one of the other warriors, came up with two large steaming mugs. "I could
 
 She stared at him for a moment, then grabbed one of the mugs. "Dicks?"
 
-It took a moment for the scent of tea to penetrate the fog of waking up and realize he was referencing her sore hip. "You know me, I would let any of those guys between my legs. No, Maril's damn boots fell out of the netting, and I was too cold to move. Spent the entire night with those steel toes digging into my hip and my tits crushed against one of the crates."
+It took a moment for the scent of tea to penetrate the fog of waking up and realize he was referencing her sore hip. "You know me, I have no interest in a dick between my legs. No, Maril's damn boots fell out of the netting, and I was too cold to move. Spent the entire night with those steel toes digging into my hip and my tits crushed against one of the crates."
 
 Roal patted her shoulder and then grinned. "Want me to rub anything?"
 
@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ She gulped down some of the tea in her mug. As it burned down her throat, she sm
 
 "By the Divine Couple's blessing, I hope so. It also means if we're going to have fun, we need to stay away from these assholes." He gestured to the rest of the Rat Hunters. "The guards are going to be stuck on them like those damn leeches."
 
-"Which ones? The ones in the cave or the forest?"
+"Which ones? There have been so many."
 
 "The big glowing ones that went for the eyeballs." He barked out a laugh. "Remember when I had to use both hands to get the one out of your gut wound?"
 

chapters/chapter-02.md

@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ availability: private
 access: private
 ---
 
-> Women who loved other women would use the word "peach" to signal to each other of their interests. --- *Slang in the Northern Cultures*
+> Everyone had a touch of magic in their blood, though most are limited to only a single talent or ability. --- *Limitations of the Crystal Techniques*
 
 A night of sleeping in a comfortable bed had done wonders to ease Karin's aches and exhaustion but she knew the nightmare would resume as soon as she passed out again. A month of comfort wasn't enough to erase her horrors. To get through the next night, she decided to prepare like she was about to enter a monster's nest and went shopping.
 
@@ -24,11 +24,11 @@ Karin slowed with curiosity.
 
 Then she heard the sweetest song drifting through the open door. It was a popular ballad, of a lover waiting for her missing knight. But Karin had never heard it sung with such clarity or passion.
 
-The woman's voice wrapped around her, tugging on her heart and dredging up a swarm of memories of previous lovers that left her gasping. There were many of them since she had become a Rat Hunter and most had ended in sweet partings. More than a few begged her to say and the song reminded her of the longing she heard in their voices.
+The woman's voice wrapped around her, tugging on her heart and dredging up a swarm of memories of previous lovers that left her gasping. There were many of them since she had become a Rat Hunter and most had ended in sweet partings. More than a few begged her to stay and the song reminded her of the longing she heard in their voices.
 
-A tear ran down her cheek. She glanced around but only a few people watching her with knowing smiles. With a blush, she turned and peered around for a seat to keep listening but they were all occupied.
+A tear ran down her cheek. She glanced around but only an old woman sitting near her watched her. The others were lost in their own thoughts with glistening eyes and the occasional sniff. With a blush, she turned and peered around for a seat to keep listening but they were all occupied.
 
-An old woman pointed toward the store front with a knitting needle. "A spot opened up in there, Love."
+The old woman pointed toward the store front with a knitting needle. "A spot opened up in there, Love."
 
 Karin turned and saw a couple getting up from a table. She said thanks to the old woman and headed inside, slipping into the abandoned bench before anyone else could take it.
 
@@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ When the sound faded, she turned and headed toward a kitchen.
 
 An older man with similar hair color and nose stuck his head over a counter that separated the dining area from the kitchen. "Pay attention and do your damn job! New customer on twenty!"
 
-The young woman turned and looked straight at Karin. She smile broadly and Karin noticed a dimple on her cheek. Brushing her hands on her hips, she headed over.
+The young woman turned and looked straight at Karin. She smile broadly and Karin noticed a dimple on her cheek. Heading over, she brushed her hands on her hips.
 
 Karin inhaled sharply and then smiled back.
 
@@ -60,11 +60,11 @@ Karin's stomach rumbled even as she felt a heat fluttering between her legs. "Do
 
 "I'm sorry, peaches are out of season but we do have apple and pumpkin pies." Her cheerful voice never changed.
 
-Mildly disappointed, Karin ordered a sandwich and a slice of pumpkin pie with heavy cream. She would have preferred of Lilian had answered with a sultry response. That would have meant that Karin had a chance of company that night; that would push the nightmares away. However, the young woman's response didn't mean know; not everyone used the same hints and clues to make their desires known.
+Mildly disappointed, Karin ordered a sandwich and a slice of pumpkin pie with heavy cream. She would have preferred of Lilian had answered with a sultry response. That would have meant that Karin had a chance of company that night; that would push the nightmares away. However, the young woman's response didn't mean no; not everyone used the same hints and clues to make their desires known.
 
-No matter what, Karin could still enjoy the view and the fantasize that the young woman had said there were peaches on the menu. She smiled to herself and leaned back.
+No matter what, Karin could still enjoy the view and the fantasy that the young woman had said there were peaches on the menu. She smiled to herself and leaned back.
 
-Lilian went around the room, gathering orders. Then headed over to a large bowl with little strips of paper. Pulling out one with her left hand, she peered at it. With a smile, she rested her hand on an older man's shoulder. "It's your favorite, Bil. 'The Ballad of Lost Waters.'"
+Lilian went around the room, gathering orders, then headed over to a large bowl with little strips of paper. Pulling out one with her left hand, she peered at it. With a smile, she rested her hand on an older man's shoulder. "It's your favorite, Bil. 'The Ballad of Lost Waters.'"
 
 The older man sighed and patted her hand.
 
@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ The older man sighed and patted her hand.
 
 She favored Bil with a wink and pulled her hand away.
 
-Karin had heard of the ballad, it was one about a lost wife and a man who couldn't accept her death. It was a sad piece to say the least. It was one of the songs a minstrel would sing near the end of the night, when only those losing themselves in bottles were still around to hear it.
+Karin had heard of the ballad. It was one about a lost wife and a man who couldn't accept her death. It was a sad piece to say the least. It was one of the songs a minstrel would sing near the end of the night, when only those losing themselves in bottles were still around to hear it.
 
 She had heard the song too many times on fruitless nights and didn't care for the difficult tune. In her opinion, no one knew how to sing it properly.
 

chapters/chapter-03.md

@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ access: private
 
 Karin sat down in her now customary seat at Lilard's. After three days, no one questioned her presence. It was early morning, but the bakery had been open for hours while they baked the breads, sweets, and breakfast pies. The rich storm of smells surrounded her and she smiled.
 
-"Good morning, Karin," Lilian said as she brought over a cup of tea and a slice of apple pie. The usual cheerful tone was gone, leaving behind a subdued tone that Karin had never heard.
+"Good morning, Kar," Lilian said as she brought over a cup of tea and a slice of apple pie. The usual cheerful tone was gone, leaving behind a subdued tone that Karin had never heard.
 
 "What's wrong?"
 
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ Lilian wrote up Karin's order and stuck it on a wooden spike for the back. "Orde
 
 Turning around, the dark-haired beauty sighed before scanning the room. Her gaze stopped on the jar that contained the song requests. Glancing up at the rest of the room, she reached over and pulled it off the counter before stowing it out of sight.
 
-A prickle of concern raced through Karin. After listening to the sweet tones of Lilian's singing, the relative silence felt like a knives against her ears.
+A prickle of concern raced through Karin. After listening to the sweet tones of Lilian's singing, the relative silence felt like a knife against her ear.
 
 Laughter rose up from the back room. She recognized Lilian's father but it was the second voice that caused the muscles across her chest to tight painfully. She had heard that laughter more than once since she had become a Rat Hunter: Tristoh da Lamaster, a merchant lord with a talent for funding the wrong thing.
 

chapters/chapter-04.md

@@ -6,35 +6,35 @@ access: private
 
 > The best and worst ideas are made at the bottom of a bottle. --- Kormar Proverb
 
-Karin sat naked on her bed, her back against the headboard and her eyes focused on a spot three feet in front of her. She couldn't sleep despite her aching eyes, her buzz, and the exhaustion that plucked at the back of her head.
+Karin sat naked on her bed, her back against the headboard and her eyes focused on a spot three feet in front of her. She couldn't sleep despite her aching eyes. Her exhaustion plucked at the back of her head.
 
-It had been two days since she stormed away from Lilard's and she couldn't stop thinking about Lilian. It wasn't fancy dreams of sex and fun, but the countless possibilities of what Tristoh had in mind for her.
+It had been two days since she stormed away from Lilard's and she couldn't stop thinking about Lilian. It wasn't fancy dreams of sex and fun, but the countless possibilities of what Tristoh had in mind for the young woman.
 
-He was going to use her. That was too much clear. Nothing in their shared past would hint at love or romance. Even his offer, which had set off a fire of gossip throughout the city, was too large for anything besides one more of his investments.
+He was going to use her. That much was clear. Nothing she had seen of the vile man hinted that he was capable of romance or love. Even his offer, which had set off a fire of gossip throughout the city, was too large for anything besides one more of his investments.
 
-It had to be Lilian's singing. While she was definitely a beauty, the way her songs brought back memories and ignited emotions. She had a gift, one that Karin could too easily see Tristoh wanting to use for his own profit.
+It had to be Lilian's singing. While she was definitely a beauty, it was the way her songs brought back memories and ignited emotions that made her a treasure. She had a gift, one that Karin could too easily see Tristoh wanting to use for his own profit.
 
 What she didn't know is how. Would he put her on a stage and force her to sing? Would he sell her voice to the highest bidder? Or just rent her out until her eyes were dead and her throat ruined?
 
 Karin pressed her lips tightly together.
 
-Tristoh's next step was to marry her. The ceremony was in a few days. No one seemed to know what would happen after that but she couldn't imagine the rich man moving from his comfortable estates in Tarsan to a muddy town in Kormar. No, he was going to take Lilian away where she had no family, no friends, and no support. She would be helpless.
+Tristoh's next step was to marry Lilian. The ceremony was in a few days. No one seemed to know what would happen after that but she couldn't imagine the rich man moving from his comfortable estates in Tarsan to a muddy town in Kormar. No, he was going to take Lilian away where she had no family, no friends, and no support. She would be helpless.
 
-With a shaking hand, Karin lifted the mug in her hand and sipped at the rotgut that had pooled in the bottom. It was warm and the acrid scents burned her eyes. She closed her eyes to focus on the burn as it ripped down her throat.
+With a shaking hand, Karin lifted the mug and sipped at the rotgut that had pooled in the bottom. It was warm and the acrid scents burned her eyes. She closed her eyes to focus on the burn as it ripped down her throat.
 
-She drained the glass. Looking at the bottom for a moment, she reached out for the bottle but stopped when she noticed it was empty. Her half-eaten dinner sat next to it, the bronze plate bright in the candlelight and a fork resting on the edge.
+She drained the glass before reaching out for the bottle to refill it. When she noticed it was empty, she abandoned the bottle and focused on her half-eaten dinner next to it, the bronze plate bright in the candlelight and a fork resting on the edge.
 
-Annoying at Lilian's struggle, she set down her glass on the table and picked up the plate. She was surprised that the inn had metal plates, but it was fortunate for her. With a tap, she emptied the contents into the garbage can by the bed before bringing the plate to her lap.
+Annoyed at Lilian's struggle, she set down her glass on the table and picked up the plate. It was fortunate for her that the inn had metal plates. With a tap, she emptied the contents into the garbage can by the bed before bringing the plate to her lap.
 
-With a smile, she thought about the metal serving trays at the bakery. As she did, she felt the edge began to warp as the beveled edge flattened into a sharp edge. She didn't need any pressure or even to touch it, metal sharpened with her thoughts. Absently, she ran her finger and enjoyed the makeshift blade. She continued to sharpen the metal until the entire rim was a killing blade. Karin continued to focus on it as she sharpened it even further, honing the blade to the point where the bronze itself couldn't get any narrower.
+With a smile, she thought about the serving trays at the bakery. As she did, she felt the edge warp as the bevel flattened into a sharp blade. She didn't need any pressure or even to touch it, metal sharpened with her thoughts. Absently, she ran her finger and enjoyed the makeshift blade. She continued to sharpen the edge until the entire rim was lethal. Karin continued to focus on it as she sharpened it even further, honing the edge to the point where the bronze itself couldn't get any narrower.
 
 "Fucking asshole," she muttered. Gripping the plate carefully, she drew back and threw the plate at the wall with all her might.
 
-The bronze disk sliced into the wall. It plunged deep into the plaster and wood; with a blade so sharp, it didn't need much strength to bury it. The plate vibrated from the impact.
+The bronze disk plunged deep into the plaster and wood; with a blade so sharp, it didn't need much strength to bury it but the impact would dull it instantly. The plate vibrated from the impact.
 
 She smiled as she listened to the ringing. Her ability to sharpen blades in the middle of the fight made her a valuable member of the Rat Hunters. Without her, the armored beasts they fought would dull or nick the blades in only a few strikes.
 
-Too bad it was murder if she attacked Tristoh. But it would be defense if she wasn't the one who initiated the fight.
+Too bad it was murder if she attacked Tristoh. But it would be self-defense if she wasn't the one who initiated the fight.
 
 A bad idea came to mind.
 

chapters/chapter-05.md

@@ -6,15 +6,17 @@ access: private
 
 > The tradition of the bride price has not caught on among most of the more egalitarian of countries. --- Richol dea Lamaster, *The Tarsan Influence*
 
-Karin moved stiffly as she came around the corner toward Lilard's. Her leather armor creaked with each step. She had freshly repaired and oiled it, preparing for a battle. She had no doubt that Tristoh was expecting her to come back. Her ex-husband always said she was predictable.
+Karin moved stiffly as she came around the corner toward Lilard's. Her leather armor, repaired and prepred for battle, creaked with each step. No doubt that Tristoh expected her to come back.
 
-The usual crowds around the restaurant were gone. There was no one swaying in time to music. No one reading books while enjoying Lilian's voice. Tristoh's corruption had already taken root and it was obvious that the restaurant's fate was on a knife's edge.
+Her ex-husband always said she was predictable.
 
-With a second look, Karin realized she was wrong. The old lady who had pointed out the empty table to Karin remained on her bench. She knitted quietly, her head bowed with concentration.
+The usual crowds in front of the restaurant were gone. There was no one swaying in time to music, no one reading books while enjoying Lilian's voice. Tristoh's corruption had already taken root and it was obvious that the restaurant's fate was on a knife's edge.
+
+With a second look, Karin realized she was wrong about the street being empty. The old lady who had pointed out the empty table to Karin remained on her bench. She knitted quietly, her head bowed with concentration.
 
 Karin slowed to a stop near her.
 
-"Looking for Lil?" asked the old woman.Her eyes were narrow as she glared at the glass window. She worked her lower lip as she glanced at Karin and back.
+"Looking for Lil?" asked the old woman. Her eyes were narrow as she glared at the glass window, to Karin, and then back to the bakery.
 
 Head already throbbing from her hangover, Karin took a moment to process the unexpected question. She nodded. "Yes."
 
@@ -22,9 +24,9 @@ Head already throbbing from her hangover, Karin took a moment to process the une
 
 Karin turned to face the woman.
 
-The old woman bent over to dig into her kitting back. She held up an impressive-looking knife in a sheath. There was a name carved into the side of the sheath, "Sindil Lilard". Flipping it over, she held it hilt-first to Karin. "Need a weapon?" she asked cheerfully.
+The old woman bent over and dug in her knitting bag. When she sat back, she held up an impressively large knife in a sheath. There was a name carved into the side of the sheath, "Sindil Lilard". Flipping it over, she held it hilt-first to Karin. "Need a weapon?" she asked cheerfully.
 
-"W-What?" Karin couldn't help but smile. She glanced down, looking for another weapon and noticed the same name on the side of the bag of yarn.
+"W-What?" Karin couldn't help but smile. She peeked into the opening of the bag to see if there was another weapon, but didn't see anything. The bag had the same name embroidered on the inside.
 
 "You obviously are going in with a plan," asked Sindil.
 
@@ -34,29 +36,33 @@ Karin shrugged. "Well, more of a vague idea. I was just going in to... make sure
 
 Karin smirked.
 
-"After what Jon did, it isn't our place anymore. All the customers have already left, the ones left are going through the motions. It's a shame," she said shaking her head. "Lilard's has been in our family for five generations. Thanks to Jon, there won't be a sixth." The older woman held up the knife again with a silent question.
+"After what Jon did, it isn't our place anymore. Most of the regulars have abandoned us, the ones left are going through the motions. It's a shame," she said shaking her head. "Lilard's has been in our family for five generations. Thanks to Jon, there won't be a sixth. He should have just told me, I would have helped but he always had too much pride and slippery fingers when it came to coin."
+
+"Is there anything you can do?"
+
+The older woman held up the knife again in a silent answer.
 
 Karin shook her head. A weapon would be nice, but that would make everything worse if she got caught. The city guard never responded well to armed hunters.
 
-Tossing the knife back into her kitting back, Sindil returned to her knitting. "Three of his men are at tables one, seven, and fifteen. Two on the right when you come in, the other is by the window behind you."
+Tossing the knife back into her knitting bag, Sindil picked up her needles again. "Three of his men are at tables one, seven, and fifteen. Two on the right when you come in, the other is by the window behind you."
 
 Suddenly things seemed brighter. "Thank you," Karin said. "Who are you?"
 
-The old woman smiled sweetly. "Just an old widower who is severely disappointed in her greedy son. So try not to kill him?"
+The old woman smiled sweetly. "Just an old widow who is severely disappointed in her greedy son. He's family though, so please don't kill him?"
 
-"I'll do that." Karin turned, took a deep breath, and started for the restaurant. She stopped. "Are you a hunter?" she asked.
+"I won't." Karin turned, took a deep breath, and started for the restaurant. She stopped. "Are you a hunter?"
 
-Sindil shrugged. "The men who fell for me were always mean drunks. Needed a little encouragement to send them on their way." She hefted her knife before jamming it back into her kitting bag.
+Sindil shrugged. "The men who fell for me were always mean drunks. Once I was done with them, I needed a little encouragement to send them on their way."
 
 Amused, Karin shook her head and headed into the bakery.
 
 Jon, Lilian's father, looked up from where he was serving food. "You aren't wanted in here."
 
-Karin glanced around, spotting Tristoh's three men sitting at different tables. They were all grunts and armed with short swords and leather armor. They also were turning toward her, their hands dropping to their weapons.
+Karin glanced around, spotting Tristoh's three men sitting at different tables. They were all minions, armed with short swords and leather armor. As one, they turned toward her and dropped their hands to their weapons.
 
 She looked at the counter leading into the back room and then to him. "I just want to talk to Lilian."
 
-Jon stepped toward the center of the room and held the metal tray with one hand at his side. "Get the hell out of my place. You aren't welcomed here," he announced.
+Jon stepped toward the center of the room and held the metal tray with one hand at his side. "Get the hell out of my place. You aren't welcome here."
 
 Karin shook her head. On one of the tables nearest to the door, she spotted a metal pitcher. She reached over and grabbed it. Her energies flowed through her hand as she focused on the rim to sharpen it while she spoke. "I'm going to talk to her."
 
@@ -64,25 +70,25 @@ Karin shook her head. On one of the tables nearest to the door, she spotted a me
 
 "Your daughter is not something to sell. Tristoh is going to hurt her and you know it."
 
-Jon's jaw tightened. "At least the restaurant will survive. You don't understand how close I was to losing everything."
+Jon's jaw tightened. "At least the restaurant will survive. You don't understand how close I was to losing everything. Everyone came to listen but not enough people paid for the seats they warmed."
 
-"That was your daughter!" Karin stepped forward. She flipped the pitcher so she was holding it upside down. Water poured out across the floor.
+"She was your daughter!" Karin stepped forward. She flipped the pitcher and held it upside down. Water poured out across the floor.
 
 One of Tristoh's men lurched out of his seat.
 
-She backhanded him with the pitcher, slamming the side of the heavy metal into the side of his face. It collapsed from the impact but she followed with a left hook that connected.
+She backhanded his face with the pitcher. It collapsed from the impact then she followed up with a left hook.
 
-He fell backwards, his foot lashing out and catching her elbow before she could bring down the sharpened rim into his thigh.
+He fell backwards, his foot catching her elbow before she could bring down the sharpened rim into his thigh.
 
-The pitcher missed and caught the edge of the table. Magically sharpened metal sliced off the corner.
+She missed. The pitcher rim caught caught the edge of the table and sheared off the corner. The impact shattered the supernaturally sharp edge.
 
 Before the hunk of wood hit the ground, Karin was attacked from the other side. The second warrior swung his sword down, the blade whistling through air.
 
-She jerked back, slipping on the water and ice. Desperate, she funneled her energies into the crumbled edge. The metal screeched as it was flattened and sharpened again. Heat radiated through the metal, burning her fingers. She threw all her weight into blocking the blow.
+She jerked back, slipping on the water and ice. Desperate, she funneled her energies into the pitcher's edge again. The metal screeched as it was flattened and sharpened again. Heat radiated through the metal, burning her fingers. She threw all her weight into blocking the blow.
 
-The crumbled metal slammed into the blade. The edges, each one sharpened to narrower to a supernatural edge, sliced into the steel weapon and tore out a large hunk of the forged metal.
+Karin managed to parry with the opening of the pitcher. The blade sliced into the brittle metal but her magic kept the edge long enough for it to gouge out a large hunk of the forged weapon.
 
-The remaining edge smashed against her hand and the tip snapped off.
+The remains of the sword smashed against her hand before it shattered from the blow.
 
 Karin's knee hit the wet ground. She pulled back with her free hand, balled it into a fist, and punched the man in the balls with all her might.
 
@@ -96,27 +102,27 @@ Jon gulped as he inched back.
 
 She grabbed the serving tray from his hand.
 
-He flinched and held up his hand to blow a block.
+He flinched and held up his hand to block the blow.
 
 Karin shoved him out of the way and stalked toward the door. As she walked, she sharpened the edge of the serving tray.
 
-The last warrior stood up.
+The last warrior stood up, drawing his sword.
 
-She threw the tray into his chest. The metal edge sliced through his sword and chest armor, embedding into his chest. Blood sprayed across the ground.
+She threw the tray at him. The metal edge sliced through his sword and armor to embed itself into his chest. Blood sprayed across the ground.
 
-Karin pointed at warrior who stood in shock as his face paled. "Sit," she commanded.
+Karin pointed at him. "Sit," she commanded.
 
-He did.
+His sword clattered to the ground as he sat.
 
 She slammed the door into the baking area. "Lil!"
 
 Lilian stood in the center, trembling as she stared at the door. Her eyes widened. "Kar? Is that you?"
 
-All the speeches and things Karin was going to say slipped out of her mind at the sight of the frightened young woman. She rushed over and caught her hand. "I know this is stupid, but I had to tell you this: you don't have to go with Tristoh."
+At the sight of the frightened young woman, all the speeches and things Karin planned to say slipped out of her mind. She rushed over and caught her hand. "I know this is stupid, but I had to tell you this: you don't have to go with Tristoh."
 
 "I-I do. I'll lose the restaurant if---"
 
-Karin interrupted her. "You've already lost it. If you stay with Tristoh, he's going to take you to Tarsan and you may never return here. I know him, there is nothing good about him."
+Karin interrupted her. "You've already lost this place. If you stay, you are going to rot with it. If you go with Tristoh, he's going to take you to Tarsan and you will never return here. I know him, there is nothing good about him."
 
 Tears sparkled in Lilian's eyes. "W-Where would I go?"
 
@@ -124,13 +130,13 @@ Karin inhaled and shook her head. She hadn't really planned this far. "I don't k
 
 "What about you?"
 
-Karin stared at Lilian for a long moment. Then she lurched forward to kiss her. The touch of her soft lips to Karin's was everything Karin had fantasized about. She let out a moan and inched closer to slid her arms around Lilian's waist.
+Karin stared at Lilian for a long moment, fighting her urges. Then she lurched forward to kiss her. The touch of her soft lips to Karin's was everything Karin had fantasized about. She let out a moan and inched closer to slide her arms around Lilian's waist.
 
 Lilian gasped, her body still trembling. Her hands lowered to catch Karin's hip. She didn't pull or tug, but held herself still.
 
-There was no passion, not even a hint.
+There was no passion, not even a hint of quickened breath or trembling limbs.
 
-Karin broke the kiss with a soft sigh. "Not a peach."
+Karin broke the kiss with a soft sigh. "Not a peach," she whispered.
 
 Lilian shook her head. "I'm sorry."
 
@@ -138,7 +144,7 @@ Karin shrugged. She turned to hide her embarrassment. Spying a stack of trays, s
 
 "Even though...?"
 
-Karin took a deep breath to calm herself. Then she put on a smile before looking back. "I promise you, I will send you anywhere you want to go. Your voice is something that should be treasured as one of this country's wonders, not something Tristoh will use to enrich himself."
+Karin took a deep breath to calm herself. She put on a smile before looking back. "I promise you, I will send you anywhere you want to go. Your voice is something that should be treasured as one of this country's wonders, not something Tristoh will use to enrich himself."
 
 Lilian smiled broadly. "I... I always dreamed of singing at the Harmony Opera. So maybe Stone Over Moon Waters?"
 
@@ -146,15 +152,21 @@ Lilian smiled broadly. "I... I always dreamed of singing at the Harmony Opera. S
 
 Lilian looked nervous and pale. She looked around the stone hearths and ovens. "Just leave?"
 
-Someone started to crawl over the counter.
+One of Tristoh's men thumped as he crawled up on the counter between the front and back rooms.
 
-Karin threw two trays at the wooden beam over the counter. The metal rim easily cut through the wood but it held. She threw two more before the beam collapsed.
+Karin spun, grabbed two trays, and threw one at each end of the heavy wooden beam over the counter. The sharpened rims easily cut through the wood on each side. One side caught on the angle and held but the other plummeted, crushing the man's hand against the counter.
 
-The warrior had only a chance to look up in fear before the wood crushed him against the counter.
+He screamed out in agony.
 
-Karin grabbed another two trays and kicked open the door. The sharpened edges shone in the air.
+She grabbed another tray.
 
-The door bounced off someone standing behind it and swung back.
+The rest of the beam collapsed.
+
+The warrior looked up and then yanked back to avoid being crushed to death. His hand wasn't as lucky when the beam slammed heavily on the counter.
+
+Karin grabbed another tray and kicked open the door between the two rooms.
+
+The door bounced off someone behind it.
 
 She kicked it again as she entered the restaurant side of the building. To her relief, the man with his chest impaled by a tray was still alive but sitting down. The one that she punched in the balls wasn't visible, so she swung the tray hard and slammed it through the door.
 
@@ -162,7 +174,7 @@ Stalking forward, she headed straight for Jon.
 
 The older man gulped and backed away.
 
-"If she wants to leave, she's leaving. Do you understand?"
+Karin held up her fist inches away from his face. "If she wants to leave, she's leaving. Do you understand?"
 
 He nodded violently. Then his eyes widened as he looked toward the kitchen.
 
@@ -174,11 +186,11 @@ He held up his hands and dropped his sword. "He doesn't pay me that much."
 
 Karin followed after him.
 
-Outside the street was empty except for Sindil, who still knitted on her bench, and the retreating warrior. The old woman had a smirk on her lips as her needles clicked together.
+Outside, the street was empty except for Sindil, who still knitted on her bench, and the retreating warrior. The old woman had a smirk on her lips as her needles clicked together.
 
 Adrenaline surging through her veins, Karin stepped away from the door and prepared for another attack.
 
-Lilian came out after her. She hurried for the old woman. "Nana? I so sorry, but I have to leave---"
+Lilian came out after her. She hurried for the old woman. "Nana? I'm so sorry, but I have to leave---"
 
 Her grandmother put down her knitting and hugged her tightly. "Go, my love. Right now, I trust her more than your father."
 
@@ -186,13 +198,13 @@ Her grandmother put down her knitting and hugged her tightly. "Go, my love. Righ
 
 "You better. Now go." Sindil stood up and gave Karin a hard look. For all her words, there was a threat from the spry old woman.
 
-Karin smiled grimly and nodded. "Yes, Mother," she said in a deferential tone. Using "Mother" was just one way of saying that.
+Karin smiled grimly and nodded. "Yes, Mother," she said in a deferential tone.
 
-Then the grandmother gestured with one gnarled finger at the window. "Run. I need to have a long talk with your dad."
+The grandmother gestured with one gnarled finger at the window. "Run. I need to have a long talk with your dad."
 
 Lilian wiped the tears from her eyes and then headed for Karin. She held out her hand.
 
-Karin took the soft palm then took it firmly. Together, they hurried in the opposite direction of the fleeing warrior. She didn't know where to go or how she was going to get Lilian there, but she had hope that something would turn up.
+Karin took the soft palm firmly. Together, they hurried in the opposite direction of the fleeing warrior. She didn't know where to go or how she was going to get Lilian there, but she had hope that something would turn up.
 
 Three streets and two alleys of frantic running later, she came around a corner to find Roal sitting on a wagon with a horse already harnessed into place.
 
@@ -200,9 +212,9 @@ Karin gasped in relief. "Oh, thank the Couple. Roal!"
 
 He didn't seem surprised to see her; his talent was to show up when he was needed. Slipping off the bench, he came around to open the back of the wagon and held out his hand to Lilian. "Just her or both of you running away?"
 
-No question of what had happened. No hesitation. No doubt. Roal showed up knowing that Karin needed it and answers would be given later.
+No question of what had happened. No hesitation. No doubt. Roal showed up knowing that Karin needed him and answers would be given later.
 
-Karin worried her lip. "Just her. If I run, the Rat Hunters will pay the price."
+Karin worried her lip. "Just her. If I run, the Rat Hunters will pay the price. The best thing is if I surrender."
 
 Lilian gasped. "You're staying? No, you can't do that. Come with me."
 
@@ -216,4 +228,4 @@ Roal grunted and nodded. He helped Lilian get into the wagon and then underneath
 
 He nodded without looking at either of them. "Of course."
 
-Karin nodded grimly and looked around. It was going to get messy but she could trust Roal to take care of Lilian. She smiled at Lilian who was peaking out of the tarp. "Be beautiful and never stop singing."
+Karin nodded grimly and looked around. It was going to get messy but she could trust Roal to take care of Lilian. She smiled at Lilian who was peeking out of the tarp. "Be beautiful and never stop singing."

chapters/chapter-06.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ access: private
 
 > In rural civilization, justice is a more fluid concept that frequently becomes personal. --- *An Exhaustive Review of Justice Systems in the Known World*
 
-Karin groaned and leaned against the rough stone bricks. The cold seeped into the bruises along the side of her face, giving her some relief from the morning's beating. As the stone warmed up, she rolled to a cooler section until the throbbing subsided.
+Karin groaned and leaned against the rough stone bricks of the jail cell. The cold seeped into the bruises along the side of her face, giving her some relief from the morning's beating. As the stone warmed up, she rolled to a cooler section until the throbbing subsided.
 
 With a sigh of relief, she sat back into her seat. Other parts of her hurt but it was nothing compared to being kicked in the chest by that howling horse with claws or when the leeches were burrowing in her gut.
 
@@ -24,9 +24,9 @@ The door swung open and a guard came in. It was one of the ones that Tristoh had
 
 Sindil followed after him, her knitting bag hoisted over her shoulder and a pair of needles in her hand. The yarn was stained and torn. The knife hung out of a scorched opening. She shuffled forward as she peered around until she spotted Karin and then came over.
 
-Behind both of them, Roal came in with a grin on his face and his hands in his pockets. He had blood splattered across his chest. Karin noticed that he was carrying his ax in his hand and it looked recently used.
+Behind both of them, Roal came in with a grin on his face and his hands in his pockets. He had blood splattered across his chest and an equally gore-covered ax tucked underneath his arm. Both were dripping.
 
-Karin stood up, winching a little from the discomfort.
+Karin stood up, wincing a little from the discomfort.
 
 Sindil peered at Karin for a moment. Then she turned to the guard. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let her out now."