fix: integrating edits from writing group

chapters/chapter-03.markdown

@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 ---
 title: Decision
 summary: >
-  At dinner, Galadin practices how to eat in public. His mother is insistent he learned how to do it properly but things go awry when she finds out that Galadin danced with another man during that day's lessons.
+  At dinner, Galadin practices how to eat in public. His mother is insistent he learn how to do it properly but things go awry when she finds out that Galadin danced with another man during that day's lessons.
 ---
 
 > Skilled mages are the cornerstone of a family's reputation. While they are arguable insane to talk to, they pull more than their weight for the greater good of society. --- Lanister da Dusen ho Gason

chapters/chapter-06.markdown

@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 ---
 title: Ladies' Fashions
 summary: >
-  With a new plan in place, Galadin finds himself in front of seamstress willing to make the one thing he craved the most: a dress. It would be the first step in attending the ball as a debutante instead of a suitor.
+  With a new plan in place, Galadin finds himself in front of seamstress willing to make the one thing he craved the most: a dress. It would be the first step in attending the ball as a debutante instead of a suitor. He is asked what name he wanted to have when he's dressed as a woman and he chooses Glorias.
 ---
 
 > Tarsan favors the golden locks as a sign of purity. The longer, brighter, and more brilliant, the more desirable. However, poorly manipulated strands can easily bring revile and scandal to even the most exalted of debutantes. --- *Tears of the Rejected Beauty* (Act 1, Scene 5)

chapters/chapter-07.markdown

@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ Giving his face another wipe, Galadin leaned back. "Yes, Father?"
 
 Galadin set down the washing cloth and sighed. "Yes."
 
-His door creaked open. Storan came in wearing his sleeping outfit, a long silk shirt and a pair of boxers. He looked frazzled but concerned as he came in.
+His door creaked open. Storan came in wearing his sleeping outfit, a long silk shirt and a pair of boxers. He looked frazzled but concerned.
 
 Galadin sniffed and wiped at the tears.
 
@@ -182,7 +182,7 @@ Once she finished cleaning his face, his mother inspected the jars. She didn't f
 
 Stunned at the almost compliment, Galadin couldn't find any way of responding. His body grew hot for a moment and then started to tingle again. He frowned but concentrated on her actions to keep the woozy feeling from overwhelming him.
 
-His mother picked up the drenched brush and used her thumb to clean it off. It only took a single stroke with the caked-on foundation disappearing without even marring her skin. She gentle dabbed it on to gather some before handing it to Galadin. "Okay, start with the cheeks."
+His mother picked up the drenched brush and used her thumb to clean it off. It only took a single stroke with the caked-on foundation disappearing without even marring her skin. She gently dabbed it to gather some before handing it to Galadin. "Okay, start with the cheeks."
 
 Galadin took a deep breath and started to apply it.
 
@@ -213,7 +213,7 @@ Galadin felt a quiver of fear but didn't ask. The ice water felt like exactly wh
 
 She. His father called Galadin a "she" and for the first time, it felt like the right thing. Galadin smiled happily as he set down the glass. He felt like a girl in that moment, a proper daughter instead of a son.
 
-When he looked up, both of his parents were both watching him closely. He gulped with a flicker of nervousness racing along his veins. "W-What?"
+When he looked up, both of his parents were watching him closely. He gulped with a flicker of nervousness racing along his veins. "W-What?"
 
 "Definitely mental frame and emotional state," his father said cryptically. "A second lesson tonight would be exactly what she needs." He emphasized the "she" when he spoke.
 

chapters/chapter-08.markdown

@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ He did. In the mirror, he saw someone different looking back. It was his face bu
 
 Galadin opened his lips in shock.
 
-"When you...." his mother started. "When you feel like a lady, you start to look like one. Deep down inside, when you lose yourself, it changes. I've been able to see you change from thinking of yourself as a woman verses as a man." Her voice had cracked. "I missed it at first but your father is, as you know, 'always paying attention.'"
+"When you...." his mother started. "When you feel like a lady, you start to look like one. Deep down inside, when you lose yourself, it changes. I've been able to see you change from thinking of yourself as a woman versus a man." Her voice had cracked. "I missed it at first but your father is, as you know, 'always paying attention.'"
 
 He grinned at her mimicked voice.
 

chapters/chapter-09.markdown

@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ The only name she had heard for the last two weeks was Glorias. It no longer fel
 
 Manifesting her talent was the turning point. After that, it was easier for her entire family to call her Glorias and use the correct pronoun. Her mother still struggled though, but it had been weeks since "he" had slipped from her tongue.
 
-Glorias smiled and took a deep breath, or at least as deep as she could. The bones in the dress dug comfortingly into her waist, pulling it into a narrower waist. The excellently-made outfit gave her the appearance of a bust and flared hips. It also made it difficult to slouch, the corset didn't allow for it.
+Glorias smiled and took a deep breath, or at least as deep as she could. The bones in the dress dug comfortingly into her waist, pulling it into a narrower waist. The excellently-made outfit gave her the appearance of a bust and flared hips. It also made it difficult to slouch but she was getting used to the restrictions.
 
 Looking down, she admired the cream and green dress. It had been masterfully crafted to focus on the parts Lily had identified as the most feminine while hiding the parts that magical makeup, rushed lessons, and clothing couldn't change. She had done a beautiful job.
 
@@ -22,7 +22,7 @@ Next to her, her mother reached out and warmly clasp her fingers. "Nervous?"
 
 "Yes. My stomach is fluttering, my chest is tight, and I feel like everything is going to explode without warning." Glorias turned and gripped her mother's hand tightly. "And I think I have to pee."
 
-Maran laughed and pulled Glorias into a hug. "That's about right. Every girl feels like this when she first goes to one of these balls. I remember my mother holding my hand as I was sobbing in fear the carriage, though it wasn't nearly as fancy as this." She sighed. "Not being groomed for High Society made things easier, I guess, but the potential for greatness is less."
+Maran laughed and pulled Glorias into a hug. "That's about right. Every girl feels like this when she first goes to one of these balls. I remember my mother holding my hand as I was sobbing in the carriage, though that ball wasn't nearly as fancy as this." She sighed. "Not being groomed for High Society made things easier, I guess, but the potential for greatness is less."
 
 Glorias ducked her head and smiled briefly. "I feel a little foolish now."
 
@@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ Glorias caught her breath.
 
 "No, the event is currently in the middle of a dance set. Only a few servants are walking around but I think they are about to head inside. If you wait a few moments, you will be able to get out." Somehow, Glorias's mother had found a carriage driver that was willing to sneak them in; Glorias didn't want to think about how much it cost in terms of price or dignity.
 
-Glorias took a deep breath, a nervous giggle rose up.
+Glorias took a deep breath to stop the nervous giggle rising up.
 
 "We'll be fine, Glorias."
 
@@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ Glorias took a deep breath, a nervous giggle rose up.
 
 "Okay, Von Kasins," interrupted the driver. "This is your best chance."
 
-In a hurry, Glorias and Maran got out of the carriage. It took them a few frantic moments to straighten their dresses with the fear that someone would come walking into sight. By the time they finished getting everything back and order, Glorias had a few strands of hair that escaped her hairdo and her mother had a mar on her cheek.
+In a hurry, Glorias and Maran got out of the carriage. It took them a few frantic moments to straighten their dresses with the fear that someone would come walking into sight. By the time they finished getting everything back in order, Glorias had a few strands of hair that escaped her hairdo and her mother had a mar on her cheek.
 
 With a soft smile, Maran reached up and fixed Glorias's hair.
 

chapters/chapter-10.markdown

@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ Turning away, Glorias struggled as the feeling of being a woman begin to crumble
 
 Heart pounding, Galadin slipped his hand from his partner. He focused on not letting his tension grip the fingers of her partner; if the other man turned around, he would notice that the pretty lady he was dancing wasn't quite the same as before.
 
-They weren't moving quickly enough. Galadin wanted to rush forward but couldn't, not without drawing attention to himself. He tried to get his head back into the right frame of mind, to draw the feeling of being Glorias back and restore his face.
+They weren't moving quickly enough. Galadin wanted to rush forward but couldn't, not without drawing attention to himself. He tried to get his head back into the right frame of mind, to draw the feeling of being Glorias back and restore Glorias's face.
 
 "There you are!" Dorin came over and pulled Galadin into a light hug. Her voice was cheerful but Galadin could tell it was slightly forced.
 
@@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ Terrified that he was about to have his secret revealed, Galadin stared toward t
 
 Her partner gave Dame Dorin a bow. "Your instructions were impeccable, Taladame Dorin. One of the best partners I could ever have."
 
-"Thank you, besire," Dorin said with a tightening of her lips. Even though Dorin was a widow, a taladame, she preferred the unadorned but unusual title of "dame".
+"Thank you, besire," Dorin said with a tightening of her lips. Even though Dorin was a widow, a taladame, she preferred the unadorned but unusual title of "dame" even though that was just as unusual as taladame.
 
 "I'll leave your charge in your hands, I have some business to attend to." He turned to Galadin and kissed his trembling hand. "Thank you for the dance, my dear."
 

chapters/chapter-12.markdown

@@ -10,13 +10,13 @@ summary: >
 
 Glorias curtsied. "My humble thanks for your company, Tasire."
 
-He escorted Glorias to the edges of the dance where Maran sat with a circle of friends. He bowed deeply to Galadin's mother. "I bring your daughter safe to your side," he intoned the ritualistic words before slipping away. From what he said while dancing, he already had his name on two more cards before the evening ended.
+He escorted Glorias to the edges of the dance where Maran sat alone at a table. He bowed deeply to Galadin's mother. "I bring your daughter safe to your side," he intoned the ritualistic words before slipping away. From what he said while dancing, he already had his name on two more cards before the evening ended.
 
-Glorias gave her mother a nervous smile. It froze on her face when she saw a strange look on her mother's face, an expression that she had never seen before. The shimmering tears were one thing, but this was almost sadness, as if she wished they weren't deceiving everyone that evening and Glorias was a real girl.
+Glorias gave her mother a nervous smile. It froze on her face when she saw a strange look expression on her mother, one that she had never seen before. The shimmering tears were one thing, but this was almost sadness, as if she wished they weren't deceiving everyone that evening and Glorias was a real girl.
 
-"Glorias!" It was the seamstress approaching with three others surrounding her. Lily wore a brilliant dress that looked like a thousand feathers, each one the prescribed green of the dance yet somehow appeared to be a different color. Her ability to color anything appeared to have no bounds.
+"Glorias!" The seamstress approached with three others surrounding her. Lily wore a brilliant dress that looked like a thousand feathers, each one the prescribed green of the dance yet somehow appearing to be a different color. Her ability to tint anything appeared to have no bounds.
 
-On one side, Kendrick walked next to her with her fingertips resting on his elbow. On the other, a man she didn't recognize held Mindil's hand. The second man looked slender compared to his wife but it was obvious they were in sync by the way their feet stepped in harmony and the way Mindil's bountiful hips swayed without touching his.
+On one side, Kendrick walked next to her with her fingertips resting on his elbow. On the other, a man Glorias didn't recognize held Mindil's hand. The second man looked slender compared to his wife but it was obvious they were in sync by the way their feet stepped in harmony and the way Mindil's bountiful hips swayed without touching his.
 
 Lily pulled Glorias into a hug that wouldn't risk marring either of their makeup. "You look beautiful, my dear."
 
@@ -26,9 +26,9 @@ Lily pulled Glorias into a hug that wouldn't risk marring either of their makeup
 
 "Like everything I ever wanted."
 
-A sob startled her. He looked over to see tears on his mother's face. She was smiling as she held a piece of silk to her lips. "Mother? Is there---"
+A sob startled her. She looked over to see tears on her mother's face. She was smiling as she held a piece of silk to her lips. "Mother? Is there---"
 
-"You are so beautiful. I didn't think it would touch me, but then just now, I couldn't stop thinking about you as a daughter," she said through the tears. If things were different, she would have friends crying next to her but she was alone at the table. None of Maran's other friends could be trusted with their secret.
+"You are so beautiful. I didn't think it would touch me, but then just now, I couldn't stop thinking about you as a daughter," she said through the tears. She glanced to her side, where one of her friends would have been sitting if things were different. Then she took a deep breath and looked back. "You are my daughter, aren't you?"
 
 The world spun around Glorias as she looked at her mother. "Really?"
 
@@ -60,7 +60,15 @@ Glorias blushed.
 
 Maran stammered for a moment and then hugged Mindil. "Thank you."
 
-Kendrick chuckled. He withdrew from Lily, kissed her cheek, and turned to the other. "Come on, Hasan. I bet we could find some drinks for our wives."
+Kendrick chuckled. He withdrew from Lily, kissed her cheek, and turned to the other man who Glorias had not previously met. "Come on, Hasan. I bet we could find some drinks for our wives."
+
+He turned to Maran and Glorias. "Would you care for anything, dames?"
+
+Maran lifted her glass. "More of the blush? And grape juices for my da... niece... Glorias."
+
+Glorias blushed and smiled.
+
+Kendrick nodded and then tapped Hasan on the shoulder. "Come on."
 
 Hasan sighed but followed the other man away.
 
@@ -78,25 +86,25 @@ Glorias nodded with a sad smile. "Yes, even if I can't go out again, I want to e
 
 "Then we would be honored to keep you company. As people say, silks should always stand next to their best works."
 
-As Glorias blushed, her mother pushed a glass of wine over to him. As she took it, she lifted the glass. "This is everything I hoped for. Thank you for the wonderful night."
+As Glorias blushed, her mother pushed a glass of wine over to her. As she took it, she lifted the glass. "This is everything I hoped for. Thank you for the wonderful night."
 
 "So, any cute guys?"
 
 "Mindil!" chided Lily. "What my lovely friend said is: are you feeling like a beautiful debutante here?" She reached out and took Mindil's hand, holding it firmly.
 
-Galadin hesitated. Knowing that the fantasty had to end ached. She wanted to it to keep going, to not worry about a secret or being exposed. Why couldn't she be born like this?
+Glorias hesitated. Knowing that the fantasy had to end ached. She wanted to it to keep going, to not worry about a secret or being exposed. Why couldn't she be born like this?
 
 She couldn't go back, that much she knew. Wearing the dress, hearing her name as Glorias, and being told she was beautiful was everything she craved. It felt like walking out into the sunlight for the first time.
 
 Maran spoke quietly. "You can keep doing this, if you want. Your father and I have already talked."
 
-Glorias's ears teared up. "Really? I can't."
+Glorias's eyes teared up. "Really? I can?"
 
 "Yes, I promise." She chuckled. "I didn't know this day was coming for years but I do now. It just... took me a while to realize that I shouldn't stop it. Your father was right. Just don't tell him that, I hate it when he's right."
 
 Glorias started to say something but someone's presence interrupted her. "Excuse me."
 
-The voice quickened Galadin's pulse. It was Benard. Trembling, she looked up to see the Navy officer standing a respectful distance wearing a sharp black suit. He stood at attention with a easy smile that somehow brought an instant warmth to Glorias's cheeks.
+The voice quickened Galadin's pulse. It was Benard. Trembling, she looked up to see the Navy officer standing a respectful distance wearing a sharp black suit. He stood at attention with an easy smile that somehow brought an instant warmth to Glorias's cheeks.
 
 "Oh my," whispered Mindil. "I like Navy boys."
 
@@ -118,15 +126,15 @@ Glorias whimpered, her face growing flushed as she stared up. She desperately wa
 
 "Glorias?" asked her mother.
 
-Galadin didn't know if Benard knew that Galadin and Glorias were the same. She almost said no, but she couldn't pull his thoughts from the smell of his cologne and the electric touch between them. "I... yes," she whispered.
+Galadin didn't know if Benard knew that Galadin and Glorias were the same. She almost said no, but she couldn't pull her thoughts from the smell of his cologne and the electric touch between them. "I... yes," she whispered.
 
 Benard bowed again and held out his hand. The song was about to start.
 
-When he took Glorias's hand, sparks coursed through her body. He felt exposed and bared, every part of her nerves burning with anticipation.
+When he took Glorias's hand, sparks coursed through her body. She felt exposed and bared, every part of her nerves burning with anticipation.
 
 Benard guided her to the floor, turned around, and then slipped his hand around Glorias's waist. It was firm and strong.
 
-With weak knees, Glorias turned into the first position, her hand in a position to be led. It was just like Dame Dorin's lessons, except this time it was finally clear her roll.
+With weak knees, Glorias turned into the first position, her hand in a position to be led. It was just like Dame Dorin's lessons, except this time it was finally clear her role between the two of them.
 
 "What do you think about these dances? They are simple enough."
 
@@ -138,9 +146,9 @@ With a start, she clamped her mouth shut. She didn't want to reveal that she alr
 
 He winked and drew Glorias around in time with the music.
 
-Glorias's stomach clenched. She knew exactly what Benard wanted, he was gay and wanted men not a woman. The surreal sensation draped over her as she struggled with who she was. Benard would want Galadin but at the same time, it was Glorias that he was dancing with. Of all the men, of all the possibilities at the ball, he was the one man would could accept Glorias for who she was.
+Glorias's stomach clenched. She knew exactly what Benard wanted, he was gay and wanted a man not a woman. The surreal sensation draped over her as she struggled with who she was. Benard would want Galadin but at the same time, it was Glorias that he was dancing with. Of all the men, of all the possibilities at the ball, he was the one man could accept Glorias for who she was.
 
-She may be exactly what Benard had been looking for. A troubling stiffness strained underneath the green dress and Glorias was thankful that it would hide her sudden desire.
+She may be exactly what Benard had been looking for. A troubling stiffness strained underneath the green dress and Glorias was thankful that the garment would hide her sudden desire.
 
 The music brought them in a circle. Glorias's dress swirled out in perfect harmony with the other dancers. She felt like she was in one of the paintings that she had admired for years. It brought tears with the feeling of being complete.
 
@@ -156,11 +164,15 @@ Glorias didn't want to leave. She looked into Benard's eyes, wondering if there
 
 Glorias's heart skipped another beat. In that moment, it felt as if Galadin has ceased to ever exist. All the fear, terror, and doubt burned away, leaving only an intense longing and happiness.
 
-The musicians started up a quieter dance for the intermission between the formal ones. Normally it just filled in the silence but this time, Glorias wanted to keep dancing.
+The musicians started up a quieter dance for the intermission between the formal ones. Normally it just filled in the silence but, this time, Glorias wanted to keep dancing.
 
 Benard ran his fingertips starting from Glorias's elbow to her wrist. "Now, do you remember the Fox step from Dame Dorin's class? You were very good at it but I seem to recall you were in the lead at the time."
 
-Glorias shivered with fright and excitement.
+Glorias shivered with fright and excitement. She looked up. "H-How... when did you know?"
+
+He smiled and drew her close. "When I first saw you, I thought you were a beautiful. Nothing has changed."
+
+Her blush grew hotter.
 
 Benard gently turned Glorias's wrist until it was Benard taking the lead.
 

chapters/chapter-13.markdown

@@ -6,13 +6,13 @@ summary: >
 
 > The offer is a noble affair between two men of means. Rarely are women involved with the negotiations as it is their hand that is being exchanged. --- Elias da Wilim ho Martin, *Brides of Tradition*
 
-After a month of going to balls and sporting events, Glorias didn't need the country niece story anymore. Her forays into the light had gradually be getting bolder and she was comfortable chatting with the other debutantes and bedames.
+After a month of going to balls and sporting events, Glorias didn't need the country niece story anymore. Her forays into the light had gradually been getting bolder and she was comfortable chatting with the other debutantes and bedames.
 
-It was exhausting. With her wider acceptance, more invitations came. Tonight was one night where she saw in her nightgown at her father's work table, sorting through piles of perfumed letters and wax seals.
+It was exhausting. With her wider acceptance, more invitations came. Tonight was one night where she sat in her nightgown at her father's work table, sorting through piles of perfumed letters and wax seals.
 
-She caught one and sniffed it, smiling at the apple flower scent. It must be from one of her new-found friends, another country bedame from the opposite side of Tarsan from where Glorias was supposed to be from.
+She caught one and sniffed it, smiling at the apple flower scent. It must be from one of her newfound friends, another country bedame from the opposite side of Tarsan and dangerously close to where they had placed Glorias's false past.
 
-Across the table, her father worked on his diagrams. They were convoluted and confusing, a mess of circles and lines that were somehow a magical spell he was responsible for. She didn't understand exactly what he did, her own talent was more than enough for her happiness.
+Across the table, her father worked on his diagrams. They were convoluted and confusing, a mess of circles and lines that were somehow a magical spell he was responsible for. She didn't understand exactly what he did but she didn't really want to have him explain it again. Her own talent was more than enough for her happiness.
 
 He suddenly stopped and peered over at the pile of letters. "Choosing one for tomorrow night?"
 
@@ -22,13 +22,13 @@ Storan frowned for a moment, his eyes flickering back and forth. "Tiril is the o
 
 "Freckles," supplied Maran. Glorias's mother was sitting near the fire with a book in one hand and a nearly empty glass in the other.
 
-"Right, freckles. Rare to see on debutantes, though. Don't they usually cover them. You can usually see the paint or...."
+"Right, freckles. Rare to see on debutantes, though. Don't they usually cover them? You can usually see the paint or...."
 
 Glorias thought about the men who flocked around Tiril when she was riding one of the new steam-powered carriages and it upended. "I think they're cute."
 
 "Speaking of which, did I tell you about my lunch today?" Storan asked.
 
-The book slipped from Maran's hand as she turned around to stare at her husband in confusion. The book bounced off her lap before smacking into the ground.
+The book slipped from Maran's hand as she turned around to stare at her husband in confusion. The book bounced off her lap, then the hearth, before it smacked against the ground.
 
 Glorias's mouth opened as she stared at her father. He rarely talked about his work and she couldn't think of a single time he talked about a meal.
 

chapters/chapter-14.markdown

@@ -8,9 +8,9 @@ summary: >
 
 Glorias sat on the steps inside her parent's house and stared at the door. Her heart pounded as she silently willed it to open.
 
-Despite the weeks of happiness that had followed the news, there was still that doubt. Would Benard realize he had made a mistake and void the offer? Would her father have to give back the sizable dowry that had been offered?
+Despite the weeks of happiness that had followed the news, there was still that doubt. Would Benard realize he had made a mistake and void the offer? Would her father have to give back the sizable bride price that had been offered?
 
-She tugged on the bottom of her dress. It felt more comfortable than ever before. It felt right, as if she had been born to wear it ever since the beginning. The corset was a bit tight. She had started getting used to the pressure when they decided to make it a little tighter for the last view the city would have of her before she headed out of town.
+She tugged on the bottom of her dress. It felt more comfortable than ever before. It felt right, as if she had been born to wear it ever since the beginning. The corset was a bit tight. Her mother and she had decided to tighten it and she was still getting used to the pressure. It would give Glorias a more feminine appearance for those who saw her leaving town.
 
 "Glorias?" Her mother came in. Her eyes were red with tears but a smile glowed on her face. "Don't sit at the stairs like a little... girl. He'll come."
 
@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ Relaxing, she continued, "He's into beautiful girls like you. Slender, brown hai
 
 Glorias ran her fingers through her still-blond hair. She wouldn't have Lily's magic in the country, so it would turn brown later but she planned on keeping it long. "With boy parts?"
 
-Maran made a disapproving noise.
+Maran made a disapproving noise as she stared at Mindil.
 
 Mindil laughed. "Oh yeah, he likes the boy parts. And the girl parts. And the girl heart and love and joy and everything else. Trust me, he's going to be here. The world may ignite on fire and he will be knocking on that door before the sky burns away."