fix: integrating feedback from writing group

.gitignore

@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
 node_modules/
 *.epub
 *.pdf
+D Moonfire*
+summary.md

chapters/chapter-02.markdown

@@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ She stared at him for a moment. Galadin could see her resolve cracking.
 
 Benard interrupted her with a grin. "Blame me then. That's how I got here, isn't it? By the way, how are your brothers? I heard they just got out of hospital."
 
-She took a deep breath and let it out, her body shaking with the effort to calm down. When she spoke, her voice was calmer. "You don't have to remind me how you earned that commission, Besire. Or that you saved them."
+She took a deep breath and let it out, her body shaking with the effort to calm down. When she spoke, her voice was calmer. "You don't have to remind me how you earned that commission, besire. Or that you saved them."
 
 He inclined his head but said nothing.
 

chapters/chapter-04.markdown

@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ At the prick of the pin, Galadin flinched and let out a grunt.
 
 Galadin closed his eyes and obeyed. His shoulders and back hurt from the last hour of being fitted. The heavy black cloth hung over his frame like a horse blanket, dragging him down and making him claustrophobic. He wanted to rip it off and run away, or at least return to his own outfit.
 
-The tailor worked quietly. He was almost done. "Only another few minutes, Besire."
+The tailor worked quietly. He was almost done. "Only another few minutes, besire."
 
 His mother glanced up, a smile ghosting across her lips. "You look handsome, Gal."
 

chapters/chapter-07.markdown

@@ -10,13 +10,13 @@ summary: >
 
 Galadin stared at the mirror with tears in his eyes. Helplessly, he ran his hand through the long blond hair that now flowed down his back. The color and length was perfect in every way, except that now it looked like an uncomfortable boy wearing a wig instead of the beautiful woman he hoped would have come out in the last few days.
 
-He didn't want to be a boy in a dress, he wanted to be a lady. A beautiful, gorgeous lady that would steal show.
+He didn't want to be a boy in a dress. He wanted to be a lady. A beautiful, gorgeous lady that would steal the show.
 
-With a sniff, he wiped the tears with the back of his arm and looked down across his table. In the last few days, he had acquired a dizzying array of makeup jars, perfumes, and brushes of all types. Some of them were impulse purchase and others were suggestions from the various ladies who were helping him prepare for his debut.
+With a sniff, he wiped the tears with the back of his arm and looked down across his table. In the last few days, he had acquired a dizzying array of makeup jars, perfumes, and brushes of all types. Most were impulse purchases from whatever looked pretty or was suggested by the various ladies who were helping him prepare for his debut.
 
 There were too many choices to look at. He knew what he wanted but his hand didn't seem to move in the right way. Glancing up, he looked at the makeup smeared across his face. It was wrong with sharp lines and blotches. Even the places he tried to blend looked wrong, the lines were too obvious and painful to examine.
 
-With a choked sobbed, he picked up a wiping cloth and started to remove it again. He would try again before giving up.
+With a choked sob, he picked up a wiping cloth and started to remove it again. He would try again before giving up.
 
 He had said that hours ago. Now, it was probably after midnight and he still couldn't erase the image of a boy from the mirror. He felt sick and hot and flushed, a sensation that had been coming more frequently in the last few days. He wondered if he was getting sick.
 
@@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ A helpless look crossed his father's face, highlighting the wrinkles for a momen
 
 His father's confused look softened. "And you just see yourself with long hair, right?"
 
-Nodded, Galadin took another sob.
+Nodding, Galadin took another sob.
 
 His father looked down at his lap. He lifted his hand and awkwardly rested it on Galadin's thigh. It was cool and firm. "You're seventeen. You've been all that time looking in the mirror and seeing yourself, right?"
 
@@ -104,7 +104,7 @@ Storan shrugged. "I've seen your mother when she wakes up. I know what makeup ca
 
 Galadin smirked.
 
-His father grinned and shrugged. "I still think she's the most beautiful woman in my world but she refused to stop wearing it on my account."
+His father grinned and shrugged. "I still think she's the most beautiful woman in my world, but she refused to stop wearing it on my account."
 
 There was the faintest of creaks beyond the door.
 
@@ -120,9 +120,9 @@ Galadin started to laugh but then remembered he was supposed to giggle. His voic
 
 "Okay, so white?"
 
-"No, a foundation. Like..." Galadin's voice trailed off until he found the larger pop of foundation that he thought looked the best. "This one. You brush it on lightly as a base."
+"No, a foundation. Like..." Galadin's voice trailed off until he found the larger pot of foundation that he thought looked the best. "This one. You brush it on lightly as a base."
 
-Storan peered at the pop for a moment, set it down, and started to inspect the other pot. "Now, your mother had these lines between the colors so I would expect you to have colors that match."
+Storan peered at the pot for a moment, set it down, and started to inspect the other pot. "Now, your mother had these lines between the colors so I would expect you to have colors that match."
 
 As his father's effort clinked the clay pots, Galadin looked up. He noticed his door was open still and started to get up to close it when he saw a shadow moving on the other side. With a gasp, he turned away and sat down. His mother was watching.
 
@@ -154,7 +154,7 @@ Storan looked up and straighten. "No, it isn't visualization."
 
 "W-What?"
 
-The frown faded. "Okay, that doesn't look right. Maybe we start with your eyes. You've been crying so they are read. So we just use this white stuff to hide it?"
+The frown faded. "Okay, that doesn't look right. Maybe we start with your eyes. You've been crying so they are red. So we just use this white stuff to hide it?"
 
 "No, Father, that isn't it!" Galadin said with a giggle.
 
@@ -172,13 +172,13 @@ She waved her hand dismissively.
 
 Storan stood up and patted Galadin on the shoulder. "Your mother is probably a better choice than me." He turned and left but not after smilingly warmly to his wife.
 
-Galadin cringed as his mother sat down. She was going to be rough with him, no doubt remind him once again that he was going to ruin her life.
+Galadin cringed as his mother sat down. She was going to be rough with him, no doubt reminding him once again that he was going to ruin her life.
 
 She clicked her tongue. "That man might be brilliant at magic, but he's terrible at makeup. Here, let's start over." She ran her fingers over Galadin's face. In the mirror, he could see the makeup fading away to bare his masculine features once again.
 
 A sinking sensation flooded over him. He hated the sight he saw in the mirror.
 
-Once she finished cleaning his face, his mother inspected the jars. She didn't fumble like his father. She quickly set pots aside, moving the colors to a side table as she isolated only a handful of pots near the center. "Men never know how to put makeup on but you've seemed to be fairly understanding of this."
+Once she finished cleaning his face, his mother inspected the jars. She didn't fumble like his father. She quickly set pots aside, moving the colors to a side table as she isolated only a handful of pots near the center. "Men never know how to put makeup on, but you've seemed to be fairly understanding of this."
 
 Stunned at the almost compliment, Galadin couldn't find any way of responding. His body grew hot for a moment and then started to tingle again. He frowned but concentrated on her actions to keep the woozy feeling from overwhelming him.
 
@@ -196,9 +196,9 @@ Time grew fluid as they worked together to start filling in the colors. Before h
 
 Galadin smiled, his heart swelling.
 
-His mother suddenly jerked and her eyes widened. She kept tilting Galadin's head from one side to the other.
+His mother suddenly jerked then her eyes widened. She kept tilting Galadin's head from one side to the other.
 
-"Ah, it's mental state," said his father from the door. He had two misting wine glasses, one with a white wine and other clear.
+"Ah, it's mental state, I should have guessed," his father said cryptically from the door. He had two misting wine glasses, one with a white wine and other clear.
 
 Galadin took the offered glass of water. He felt heated and his skin was crawling. He squirmed in discomfort.
 
@@ -213,11 +213,11 @@ Galadin felt a quiver of fear but didn't ask. The ice water felt like exactly wh
 
 She. His father called Galadin a "she" and for the first time, it felt like the right thing. Galadin smiled happily as he set down the glass. He felt like a girl in that moment, a proper daughter instead of a son.
 
-When he looked up, both of his parents were both watching his closely. He gulped with a flicker of nervousness racing along his veins. "W-What?"
+When he looked up, both of his parents were both watching him closely. He gulped with a flicker of nervousness racing along his veins. "W-What?"
 
 "Definitely mental frame and emotional state," his father said cryptically. "A second lesson tonight would be exactly what she needs." He emphasized the "she" when he spoke.
 
-His mother looked nervous but his words seemed to relax her. She nodded. "Thank you, Storan."
+His mother looked nervous, but his words seemed to relax her. She nodded. "Thank you, Storan."
 
 Storan leaned over to kiss the top of his wife's head. Then he reached over and did the same to Galadin before announcing he was going back to bed.
 

chapters/chapter-08.markdown

@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ summary: >
 
 > It takes years to look casually beautiful. --- Dornit Kesser-Gamp
 
-Galadin sat on his side of the carriage with his back straight and his hands resting on his lap. He had his eyes closed as he sang softly, trying to get his voice to "slide" into the higher register. He had done it a few times that day but it was harder without the voice instructor right there. The sensation of doing and hearing it correctly was fleeting.
+Galadin sat on his side of the carriage with his back straight and his hands resting on his lap. He had his eyes closed as he sang softly, trying to get his voice to "slide" into the higher register. He had done it a few times that day, but it was harder without the voice instructor right there. The sensation of doing and hearing it correctly was fleeting.
 
 "... and then the ship came sailing, sailing along the shore..."
 
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ Galadin smiled to himself. He found himself craving the compliments, not only be
 
 Galadin gasped. "W-What?"
 
-"That moment? Just now, can your remember?"
+"That moment? Just now, can you remember?"
 
 A blush burned in his cheeks and his skin was tingling. "I-I was thinking about how you told the instructor 'my daughter' needed lessons."
 
@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ Maran's frowned deepened.
 
 "W-Was I doing something wrong?"
 
-His mother inhaled sharply and let it out. The frown faded. "No," she said with a rare smile. "Apparently your father does know what he is doing. He's just clumsy at doing it and it's painful."
+His mother inhaled sharply and let it out. The frown faded. "No," she said with a rare smile. "Apparently your father does know what he is doing. He's just clumsy at doing it, and it's painful."
 
 Galadin worried his lower lip for a moment. "You've two been making strange comments lately. I don't---"
 
@@ -42,23 +42,23 @@ Confused, Galadin obeyed.
 
 She pulled out a hand mirror and set it down on Galadin's lap. "Hold that and look at your face."
 
-He did, looking at the face. It was still the masculine features he had grown to hate, but it didn't quite look as jarring as before. The long hair felt right on his scalp and bound into a tail over his shoulder. His makeup was much better, he only saw a few flaws but it did a lot to mask the man beneath.
+He did, looking at the face. It was still the masculine features he had grown to hate, but it didn't quite look as jarring as before. The long hair felt right on his scalp and bound into a tail over his shoulder. His makeup was much better, he only saw a few flaws, but it did a lot to mask the man beneath.
 
 "How did your father say to do this...." whispered his mother to herself. Then she cleared her throat. "Close your eyes."
 
 Galadin obeyed.
 
-"Now, think of a picture, a woman that you thought yourself about. I don't know, a painting or illustration."
+"Now, think of a picture, a woman that you want to be. I don't know, a painting or illustration."
 
-"*A Dance Among the Swans and Roses.*"
+"*A Dance Among the Swans and Roses?*"
 
 Maran chuckled. "Of course, I forgot how much you loved that painting. You met Suar de Pun when you were babe, you know. It was when she was a brilliant star of society right before..."
 
-She cleared her throat. "You were only two but I remember her saying you were a beautiful baby."
+She cleared her throat. "You were only two, but I remember her saying you were a beautiful baby."
 
 Galadin smiled.
 
-"I guess, I've somehow missed that you were so unhappy these years. I figured it was just being seventeen but this last few weeks, since I... we... you finally told us, I've seen such a happiness in you that I didn't think was possible."
+"I guess, I've somehow missed that you were so unhappy these years. I figured it was just being seventeen, but this last few weeks, since I... we... you finally told us, I've seen such a happiness in you that I didn't think was possible."
 
 His smile grew wider. He still had his eyes closed. The flush was filling him down, a tingling sensation that coursed from his toes to his fingertips. He felt like he was vibrating as he sat there.
 
@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ He did. In the mirror, he saw someone different looking back. It was his face bu
 
 Galadin opened his lips in shock.
 
-"When you...." his mother started. "When you feel like a lady, you start to look like one. Deep down inside, when you lose yourself, it changes. I've been able to see you change from thinking of yourself as a woman verses when as a man." Her voice had cracked. "I missed it at first but your father is, as you know, 'always paying attention.'"
+"When you...." his mother started. "When you feel like a lady, you start to look like one. Deep down inside, when you lose yourself, it changes. I've been able to see you change from thinking of yourself as a woman verses as a man." Her voice had cracked. "I missed it at first but your father is, as you know, 'always paying attention.'"
 
 He grinned at her mimicked voice.
 

chapters/chapter-09.markdown

@@ -10,9 +10,9 @@ summary: >
 
 The only name she had heard for the last two weeks was Glorias. It no longer felt like a bandage or a mask that fit poorly, but something integral to her life. Somewhere along the way, she stopped thinking herself as a "he" and settled firmly into viewing herself as Glorias, a visiting niece of Maran's from the countryside.
 
-Manifesting her talent was the turning point. After that, it was easier for her entire family to call her Glorias and use the correct pronoun. Her mother had the most trouble though, but it had been weeks since "he" had slipped from her tongue.
+Manifesting her talent was the turning point. After that, it was easier for her entire family to call her Glorias and use the correct pronoun. Her mother still struggled though, but it had been weeks since "he" had slipped from her tongue.
 
-Glorias smiled and took a deep breath, or at least as deep as she could. The bones in the dress dug comforting into her waist, pulling it into a narrower waist. The excellently-made outfit gave her the appearance of a bust and flared hips. It also made it difficult to slouch, the corset didn't allow for it.
+Glorias smiled and took a deep breath, or at least as deep as she could. The bones in the dress dug comfortingly into her waist, pulling it into a narrower waist. The excellently-made outfit gave her the appearance of a bust and flared hips. It also made it difficult to slouch, the corset didn't allow for it.
 
 Looking down, she admired the cream and green dress. It had been masterfully crafted to focus on the parts Lily had identified as the most feminine while hiding the parts that magical makeup, rushed lessons, and clothing couldn't change. She had done a beautiful job.
 
@@ -26,11 +26,11 @@ Maran laughed and pulled Glorias into a hug. "That's about right. Every girl fee
 
 Glorias ducked her head and smiled briefly. "I feel a little foolish now."
 
-"No, no," whispered her mother. "Don't feel that. You have done so much and I want tonight to be as wonderful as can be."
+"No, no," whispered her mother. "Don't feel that. You have done so much, and I want tonight to be as wonderful as can be."
 
 "I just wish..." Glorias sighed. "I wished we weren't sneaking into the side entrance."
 
-Maran pulled her into a hug. "I know. And your father wanted to be here, but the most important part is that you are here and you are going to have a wonderful time."
+Maran pulled her into a hug. "I know. And your father wanted to be here, but the most important part is that you are here, and you are going to have a wonderful time."
 
 Glorias sniffed.
 
@@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ Glorias reached over and stroked her mother's face. "Same for you."
 
 Maran pressed her cheek against Glorias's hand. "I promise, I'm not going to cry. At least not where you can't touch me up."
 
-They found out that Glorias could use her powers for anyone and her mother had the same nearly flawless makeup on her though it wasn't subject to the shifting emotions; once on, it remained in place until smeared or removed.
+They found out that Glorias could use her powers for anyone, and her mother had the same nearly flawless makeup on her though it wasn't subject to the shifting emotions; once on, it remained in place until smeared or removed.
 
 The carriage came to a stop. The narrow window by the driver slid open. "We're at the north entrance, Tadame Kasin."
 

chapters/chapter-10.markdown

@@ -52,13 +52,13 @@ Terrified that he was about to have his secret revealed, Galadin stared toward t
 
 Her partner gave Dame Dorin a bow. "Your instructions were impeccable, Taladame Dorin. One of the best partners I could ever have."
 
-"Thank you, Besire," Dorin said with a tightening of her lips. Even though Dorin was a widower, a taladame, she prefer the unadorned title of "dame".
+"Thank you, besire," Dorin said with a tightening of her lips. Even though Dorin was a widower, a taladame, she prefer the unadorned title of "dame".
 
 "I'll leave your charge in your hands, I have some business to attend to." He turned to Galadin and kissed his trembling hand. "Thank you for the dance, my dear."
 
 Galadin's heart rose up in a brief worry. As much as Storan was sure everyone on the card wasn't going to make an offer, what if this one decided Galadin was the right one? Would he try to find Storan? What if he couldn't?
 
-Dorin took Galadin's hand and deftly brought him to the side. "He's not going to your father, Love. A pair of his card game friends had just arrived with their daughters and he has his eyes on one of them."
+Dorin took Galadin's hand and deftly brought him to the side. "He's not going to your father, love. A pair of his card game friends had just arrived with their daughters and he has his eyes on one of them."
 
 "W-What?" Galadin's throat felt dry. "How did you know?"
 
@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ Dorin turned and held his hand, looking him over carefully. She looked around fo
 
 A deep blush colored Galadin's cheeks. He felt naked in front of Dorin. Slowly, he nodded. Inside, he was trying to remember the feel of silk but the fear prevented him from drawing the right thoughts.
 
-"Tadame Potsur?" It was the other instructor, a drunk woman who could barely move but knew enough to keep her mouth shut about Galadin's secret.
+"Tadame Potsur?" she asked, guessing the name of his new dance instructor, a drunk woman who could barely move but his mother trusted to keep her mouth shut.
 
 "Y-Yes."
 
@@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ She lifted Galadin's gloved hands and lowered them, "Just not this way. You do m
 
 "I'm sorry." He turned away slightly then he glanced back.
 
-Dame Dorin's eyes grew hard for a moment and then she smiled. "I'll tell you what. You tell everyone that I'm still your teacher and we resume your lessons after the ball. Your form is beautiful but you need to bring your hand more into a curve when you spin. It has to look like a ribbon flowing in the water."
+Dame Dorin's eyes grew hard for a moment and then she smiled. "I'll tell you what. You tell everyone that I'm still your teacher, and we resume your lessons after the ball. Your form is beautiful, but you need to bring your hand more into a curve when you spin. It has to look like a ribbon flowing in the water."
 
 She gave a short laugh and some of the fear faded. "Besides, Potsur won't be standing much less attending this ball. A silk lady should always attend the affairs of their charges, that goes triple for their most promising."
 

chapters/chapter-12.markdown

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ summary: >
 
 > The homosexual, as an aberration against the divine will of the Couple, has no place in society where it can spread like poison. But like all curses, it remains in the shadows to only poison a few. --- Tantol da Disrobin, *Faith of the Families*
 
-"Thank you, Bedame, for the lovely dance," said the older gentleman looking for a second spouse.
+"Thank you, bedame, for the lovely dance," said the older gentleman looking for a second spouse.
 
 Glorias curtsied. "My humble thanks for your company, Tasire."
 
@@ -42,7 +42,7 @@ When they broke the embrace, Lily and Mindil were still there smiling broadly.
 
 Maran pushed her hair back. "S-Sorry, I didn't mean to do that."
 
-"No, its beautiful seeing you two."
+"No, it's beautiful seeing you two."
 
 Mindil glanced over. "Dame Maran, you look alone here."
 
@@ -106,7 +106,7 @@ Glorias's heart beat faster as she looked at the broad-shouldered man who stood
 
 "I wasn't aware that you had a beautiful daughter coming to this affair, Maran da Kasin ho Kamer." He bowed deeply. "I beg for forgiveness for not requesting it earlier, but when I saw her at the table, I realized I had to come over."
 
-All four of them let out soft sounds.
+All four of them let out soft sounds, giggles and sighs.
 
 "I would be honored if I may have her hand for this dance."
 
@@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ With weak knees, Glorias turned into the first position, her hand in a position
 
 "What do you think about these dances? They are simple enough."
 
-Glorias laughed nervously. "I haven't had enough lesson and Dorin---"
+Glorias laughed nervously. "I haven't had enough lessons and Dorin---"
 
 With a start, she clamped her mouth shut. She didn't want to reveal that she already knew Benard as a different person. Her heart pounded in her chest as the music swelled up.