From 83254bfef87035e14659171019f561a160082535 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: "D. Moonfire" Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2019 14:20:57 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] fix: editing chapters --- chapters/chapter-10.markdown | 10 +++++----- chapters/chapter-11.markdown | 18 +++++++----------- 2 files changed, 12 insertions(+), 16 deletions(-) diff --git a/chapters/chapter-10.markdown b/chapters/chapter-10.markdown index 39249c3..40d9ff1 100644 --- a/chapters/chapter-10.markdown +++ b/chapters/chapter-10.markdown @@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ She loved every moment on the floor, hand-in-hand with her partner and her dress The last minute dance lessons still echoed in her head as she looked into the eyes of her current partner, an older man with a military badge of honor on his breast. He was easily twice Glorias's age but seemed to be enjoying himself. -She knew that her parents had been careful about his dance card. Her father had spent hours poring over the Stonewait's Gallery, a collection of illustration and histories of every politically important person in the area. No doubt, the only names that appeared on the card were ones that Storan had made his wife memorize. +She knew that her parents had been careful about his dance card. Her father had spent hours poring over the Stonewait's Gallery, a collection of illustrations and histories of every politically important person in the area. No doubt, the only names that appeared on the card were ones that Storan had made his wife memorize. One of the twirls came up. She smiled with joy, those were her favorite parts of the dance. She could taste the fruity flavor of her lipstick. With a delicate maneuver, she lifted her hand and stepped into the twirl. Her heels threatened to twist but she bore down and stepped into it, spinning on the tips of her toes before coming down in perfect harmony with thirty other debutantes dancing. The almost simultaneous click rang out across the dance floor. The sound brought a swell of joy and she smiled broadly. @@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ Her partner gave Dame Dorin a bow. "Your instructions were impeccable, Taladame Galadin's heart rose up in a brief worry. As much as Storan was sure everyone on the card wasn't going to make an offer, what if this one decided Galadin was the right one? Would he try to find Storan? What if he couldn't? -Dorin took Galadin's hand and deftly brought him to the side. "He's not going to your father, love. A pair of his card game friends had just arrived with their daughters and he has his eyes on one of them." +Dorin took Galadin's hand and deftly brought him to the side. "He's not going to your father, love. A pair of his card game friends had just arrived with their daughters and he has his eyes on one of them ever since she was thirteen." "W-What?" Galadin's throat felt dry. "How did you know?" @@ -100,11 +100,11 @@ Stepping forward, Galadin leaned forward as Dorin kissed her on the cheek. For a Galadin, now Glorias again, smiled bashfully and nodded. -"You have turned out to be a beautiful young woman." She stroked Glorias's cheek gently. "I would love to see you tomorrow? I want to hear all about this." +"You have turned out to be a beautiful young woman." She stroked Glorias's cheek gently. "I would love to see you. Tomorrow? I want to hear all about this and I'm curious how this all came about." -"Okay," Glorias said. +"Okay," Glorias said with a sigh of relief. -"I'll make the arrangements with your mother. I'd ask to join your table but I suspect you'd like to keep at least a little attention off of you, right?" +"I'll make the arrangements with your mother. I'd ask to join your table but I suspect you'd like to keep at least a little attention away from you tonight, right?" "Yes, Dame Dorin." diff --git a/chapters/chapter-11.markdown b/chapters/chapter-11.markdown index 5d2733e..4cd5a94 100644 --- a/chapters/chapter-11.markdown +++ b/chapters/chapter-11.markdown @@ -12,25 +12,21 @@ Only her mother's comforting hand underneath the table cloth and a few pointed r As the men left, both of them let out nervous giggles. Every time, Glorias felt like she had survived an interrogation where one wrong word could ruin anything. However, country life was always different than the city and the few mistakes she made were easily passed off as being from outside town. -That would change after the Social Season, if she made it that long. Glorias couldn't go back to being Galadin again, it felt too right to be there. At the same time, it would be risky for her to remain in the city after the country story faded. +That would change after the Social Season, if she made it that long. Glorias couldn't go back to being Galadin again, it felt too right to be being Glorias. At the same time, it would be risky for her to remain in the city after the country story faded. To her surprise, she wasn't scared. Glorias smiled to herself and nodded to a passing besire. She was living her fantasy, doing something she dreamed about for years. If this was the only time in her life she could live it, so much the better. Anything, if she didn't have to go back to being Galadin. -Maran reached out and gently took Glorias's hand. She squeezed and smiled, her eyes shimmering. "Keeping it in?" +Maran reached out and gently took Glorias's hand. She squeezed and smiled, her eyes shimmering. "Keeping daughter thought?" "Yes, Mother," Glorias said with a smile of her own. -"Good. The next one on your card is Besire Rilar. He's sweet and charming, a bit of a dandy, but everyone knows he has his eyes for Bedame Larkimas who is currently stealing hearts over there." She nodded with her head toward a blond surrounded by dozens of men. "From the rumors your father heard on the docks, she already has a dozen offers and her father is drowning from whiskey and wines poured into his glass." +"Good. The next one on your card is Besire Rilar. He's sweet and charming, a bit of a dandy, but everyone knows he has his eyes for Bedame Larkimas who is currently stealing hearts over there." She nodded with her head toward a blond surrounded by dozens of men. "From the rumors your father heard on the docks, she already has a dozen offers and her father is drowning from whiskey and wines poured into his glass. He has no chance but he isn't ready to admit it." Maran shook her head in bemusement. "He really does listen to everything." -"We asked him to come up with a plan. He's good at that." +"We asked him to come up with a plan. Father's good at that." -"He is. He's a good man." - -"And a good father too." - -Maran kissed Glorias's cheek. "You are doing beautifully." +"He is. He's a good man." Maran kissed Glorias's cheek. "You are doing beautifully." A handsome man came up. He was broad-shouldered with a square jaw. Gold trim marked his black suit, no doubt to show off his wealth and figure. @@ -38,9 +34,9 @@ A longing filled Glorias. Even though it could never happen, Rilar was close to "Tadame Maran da Kasin de Kamer, I believe I have the honor of being the next dance for your daughter." -Glorias panted softly as she rose up, lifting her hand for his. +Glorias beamed happily as she rose up, lifting her hand for his. Her heart fluttered inside her chest, carefully hidden behind the dress. -He took it, brought his lips close to the gloved knuckles, before looking at her mother. +He took her hand, brought his lips close to the gloved knuckles, but stopped before kissing. He looked at her mother. His mother smiled. "You are welcome, please enjoy yourself."