fix: integrated feedback from writing group

chapters/chapter-10.markdown

@@ -12,31 +12,31 @@ She loved every moment on the floor, hand-in-hand with her partner and her dress
 
 The last minute dance lessons still echoed in her head as she looked into the eyes of her current partner, an older man with a military badge of honor on his breast. He was easily twice Glorias's age but seemed to be enjoying himself.
 
-She knew that her parents had been careful about his dance card. Her father had spent hours poring over the Stonewait's Gallery, a collection of illustrations and histories of every politically important person in the area. No doubt, the only names that appeared on the card were ones that Storan had made his wife memorize.
+She knew that her parents had been careful about her dance card. Her father had spent hours poring over the Stonewait's Gallery, a collection of illustrations and histories of every politically important person in the area. No doubt, the only names that her mother would allow to be written in the card were ones that Storan had made his wife memorize.
 
-One of the twirls came up. She smiled with joy, those were her favorite parts of the dance. She could taste the fruity flavor of her lipstick. With a delicate maneuver, she lifted her hand and stepped into the twirl. Her heels threatened to twist but she bore down and stepped into it, spinning on the tips of her toes before coming down in perfect harmony with thirty other debutantes dancing. The almost simultaneous click rang out across the dance floor. The sound brought a swell of joy and she smiled broadly.
+One of the twirls came up. She smiled with joy, those were her favorite parts of the dance. She could taste the fruity flavor of her lipstick. With a delicate maneuver, she lifted her hand and stepped into the twirl. Her heels threatened to twist but she bore down and stepped into it, spinning on the tips of her toes before coming down in perfect harmony with thirty other debutantes dancing. The almost simultaneous click rang out across the dance floor and the sound brought a swell of joy to hear her. She smiled until her cheeks hurt.
 
-"You look beautiful, bedame," said her partner. Glorias already knew that he wasn't seriously looking and there was no chance he would be asking for her hand. All he wanted was to be seen dancing with one pretty woman after the other.
+"You look beautiful, bedame," said her partner. Glorias already knew he wasn't seriously looking and there was no chance he would be asking for her hand. All he wanted was to be seen dancing with one pretty woman after the other.
 
 "Thank you."
 
 The song ended with a flourish.
 
-Her partner make the customary bow and kissed the back of Glorias's gloved hand. Then, keeping a light trip, he tugged her gently toward the edge of the dance floor.
+Her partner made the customary bow and kissed the back of Glorias's gloved hand. Then, keeping a light grip, he tugged her gently toward the edge of the dance floor.
 
-With a blush, Glorias curtsied and let herself be drawn to the edge of the dance floor. Tradition dictated that the debutantes be delivered back to the table before the next partner arrived. There was a bit of crowd milling around the edge of the floor by they quickly parted with curious looks.
+With a blush, Glorias curtsied and let herself be drawn to the edge of the dance floor. Tradition dictated that the debutantes be delivered back to the table before the next partner arrived. There was a bit of crowd milling around the edge of the dance area but the others quickly parted around Glorias and her dance partner with no more than a curious look.
 
 While they made their way, Glorias glanced up at the balcony. There were three painters with easels frantically drawing and working their brushes. Two other artists were concentrating on their canvas with a haze of magic drawing colors across the page.
 
 The idea that she would be in one of the pictures of the balls sped up her pulse. She smiled broadly and felt more like a debutante than before.
 
-Then she caught sight of Dame Dorin, her original dance instructor. The older woman's gaze was focused directly on her, tracking her movement. A pale shiver of fear rose up in the back of her throat as she tilted her head slightly and then hurried down the stairs.
+Then she caught sight of Dame Dorin, her original dance instructor. The older woman's gaze was focused directly on her, tracking her movement. A pale shiver of fear rose up in the back of her throat then she hurried down the stairs.
 
-Turning away, Glorias fought a whimper and felt the feeling of being a woman begin to crumble. Her sense of self, the delicate balance crumbled. She could feel it tingling across her skin as the sensation of being Galadin returned like a wet cloth draped over her. Did Dorin notice him? Would she ruin his secret?
+Turning away, Glorias struggled as the feeling of being a woman begin to crumble. Her sense of self, the delicate balance collapsed. It tingled across her skin as the sensation of being Galadin returned like a wet cloth draped over her. Did Dorin notice him? Would she ruin his secret?
 
 Heart pounding, Galadin slipped his hand from his partner. He focused on not letting his tension grip the fingers of her partner; if the other man turned around, he would notice that the pretty lady he was dancing wasn't quite the same as before.
 
-They weren't moving fast enough. Galadin wanted to rush forward but couldn't, not without drawing attention to himself. He tried to get his head back into the right frame of mind, to draw Glorias back in and restore his face.
+They weren't moving quickly enough. Galadin wanted to rush forward but couldn't, not without drawing attention to himself. He tried to get his head back into the right frame of mind, to draw the feeling of being Glorias back and restore his face.
 
 "There you are!" Dorin came over and pulled Galadin into a light hug. Her voice was cheerful but Galadin could tell it was slightly forced.
 
@@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ Terrified that he was about to have his secret revealed, Galadin stared toward t
 
 Her partner gave Dame Dorin a bow. "Your instructions were impeccable, Taladame Dorin. One of the best partners I could ever have."
 
-"Thank you, besire," Dorin said with a tightening of her lips. Even though Dorin was a widower, a taladame, she prefer the unadorned title of "dame".
+"Thank you, besire," Dorin said with a tightening of her lips. Even though Dorin was a widow, a taladame, she preferred the unadorned but unusual title of "dame".
 
 "I'll leave your charge in your hands, I have some business to attend to." He turned to Galadin and kissed his trembling hand. "Thank you for the dance, my dear."
 
@@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ Dorin took Galadin's hand and deftly brought him to the side. "He's not going to
 
 "It was clear on your face." Dorin caught Galadin's chin and lifted it up.
 
-Galadin wanted to resist but couldn't. She was difficult to say no.
+Galadin wanted to resist but couldn't. Dorin was a difficult woman to say no to her face.
 
 "Oh," Galadin wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved.
 
@@ -82,19 +82,19 @@ Dorin shook her head. "Oh, she's just... the worst. You should have come to me.
 
 Dorin shrugged. "When I can count the number of bedames and besires I'm teaching with one hand?" She sighed. "Yes, I would. It may have taken me a bit, but when I saw you with that... man, I knew there was a chance you went that way."
 
-She lifted Galadin's gloved hands and lowered them, "Just not this way. You do make a lovely bedame but some of your movements still scream besire."
+She lifted Galadin's gloved hands to her shoulder height, "Just not this way. You do make a lovely bedame but some of your movements still scream besire." Drawing her hand down, she brought Galadin's hand closer to mid-arm. "Here."
 
 "I'm sorry." He turned away slightly then he glanced back.
 
 Dame Dorin's eyes grew hard for a moment and then she smiled. "I'll tell you what. You tell everyone that I'm still your teacher, and we resume your lessons after the ball. Your form is beautiful, but you need to bring your hand more into a curve when you spin. It has to look like a ribbon flowing in the water."
 
-She gave a short laugh and some of the fear faded. "Besides, Potsur won't be standing much less attending this ball. A silk lady should always attend the affairs of their charges, that goes triple for their most promising."
+She gave a short laugh and some of the fear faded. "Besides, Potsur won't be standing much less attending this ball. A silk lady should always attend the affairs of their charges. That goes triple for their most promising."
 
 Galadin's heart almost exploded as the tingling sensation danced along his skin. "You think I'm promising?"
 
-"I'm willing to steal Potsur's efforts and have you claim your skill as from mine. That is putting my name at risk as much as you are putting yours." She nodded her head and pulled Glorias close.
+"I'm willing to steal Potsur's efforts and have you claim your skill as from mine. That is putting my name at risk as much as you are putting yours." She nodded her head and pulled Glorias close to kiss his cheek.
 
-Stepping forward, Galadin leaned forward as Dorin kissed her on the cheek. For a moment, he felt like a real debutante again and a rush exploded along his senses. It brought back sensation of being a woman and it felt like he was floating.
+Stepping forward, Galadin leaned forward. At the motherly caress, he felt like a real debutante again and a rush exploded along his senses. It brought back sensation of being a woman and it felt like he was floating before settling back as a woman once again.
 
 "I'll see..." Dorin's eyes widened and then she smiled broadly. "Oh my, that's how you did it."
 

chapters/chapter-11.markdown

@@ -6,21 +6,21 @@ summary: >
 
 > Doubt is the killer inside the room, the murder weapon that cannot be found. --- *The Troubled Queen* (Act 3, Scene 4)
 
-In the brief respite Glorias had between each dance brought a number of other men coming to the table for a few minutes of carousing or to request their names be placed on Glorias's dance card. Every time they approach, Glorias was sure they where there to reveal her secret, or to distract her enough that her magic would fade.
+The brief respite between each dance brought a number of other men coming to the table for a few minutes of carousing or to request their names be placed on Glorias's dance card. Every time they approached, Glorias was sure they were there to reveal her secret, or to distract her enough that her magic would fade.
 
 Only her mother's comforting hand underneath the table cloth and a few pointed reminders kept her focused enough to maintain her appearance while spinning her lies about being a country niece.
 
-As the men left, both of them let out nervous giggles. Every time, Glorias felt like she had survived an interrogation where one wrong word could ruin anything. However, country life was always different than the city and the few mistakes she made were easily passed off as being from outside town.
+As the men left, both of them let out nervous giggles. Every time, Glorias felt like she had survived an interrogation where one wrong word could ruin everything. However, country life was always different than the city and the few mistakes she made were easily passed off as being from outside town.
 
-That would change after the Social Season, if she made it that long. Glorias couldn't go back to being Galadin again, it felt too right to be being Glorias. At the same time, it would be risky for her to remain in the city after the country story faded.
+That would change after the Social Season, if she made it that long. Glorias couldn't go back to being Galadin again, it felt too right to being Glorias. At the same time, it would be risky for her to remain in the city after the country story faded.
 
 To her surprise, she wasn't scared. Glorias smiled to herself and nodded to a passing besire. She was living her fantasy, doing something she dreamed about for years. If this was the only time in her life she could live it, so much the better. Anything, if she didn't have to go back to being Galadin.
 
-Maran reached out and gently took Glorias's hand. She squeezed and smiled, her eyes shimmering. "Keeping daughter thought?"
+Maran reached out and gently took Glorias's hand. She squeezed and smiled, her eyes shimmering. "Keeping daughter thoughts?"
 
 "Yes, Mother," Glorias said with a smile of her own.
 
-"Good. The next one on your card is Besire Rilar. He's sweet and charming, a bit of a dandy, but everyone knows he has his eyes for Bedame Larkimas who is currently stealing hearts over there." She nodded with her head toward a blond surrounded by dozens of men. "From the rumors your father heard on the docks, she already has a dozen offers and her father is drowning from whiskey and wines poured into his glass. He has no chance but he isn't ready to admit it."
+"Good. The next one on your card is Besire Rilar. He's sweet and charming, a bit of a dandy, but everyone knows he has his eyes for Bedame Larkimas who is currently stealing hearts over there." She nodded with her head toward a blond surrounded by dozens of men. "From the rumors your father heard on the docks, she already has a dozen offers and her father is drowning from the bottles of whiskey and wines poured into his glass. He has no chance but he isn't ready to admit it."
 
 Maran shook her head in bemusement. "He really does listen to everything."
 
@@ -32,9 +32,9 @@ A handsome man came up. He was broad-shouldered with a square jaw. Gold trim mar
 
 A longing filled Glorias. Even though it could never happen, Rilar was close to the fantasies that warmed her at night. She could only imagine what it would be like to have his body tight against hers. Gulping, she realized she was getting hard and had to put on her best smile while thinking about ice water.
 
-"Tadame Maran da Kasin de Kamer, I believe I have the honor of being the next dance for your daughter."
+"Tadame Maran da Kasin de Kamer, I believe I have the honor of being the next dance for your niece."
 
-Glorias beamed happily as she rose up, lifting her hand for his. Her heart fluttered inside her chest, carefully hidden behind the dress.
+Glorias beamed as she rose up, lifting her hand for his. Her heart fluttered inside her chest, carefully hidden behind the dress.
 
 He took her hand, brought his lips close to the gloved knuckles, but stopped before kissing. He looked at her mother.
 
@@ -42,4 +42,4 @@ His mother smiled. "You are welcome, please enjoy yourself."
 
 Rilar kissed Glorias's knuckles and the touch sent a ripple of heat along her skin.
 
-She beamed happily as he drew her away for the next dance.
+She smiled as he drew her away for the next dance.