fix: integrated feedback from writing group

chapters/chapter-03.md

@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 ---
 title: Decision
 summary: >
-  At dinner, Galadin practices how to eat in public. His mother is insistent he learns how to do it properly but things go awry when she finds out that Galadin danced with another man during that day's lessons.
+  At dinner, Galadin practices how to eat in public. His mother is insistent he learned how to do it properly but things go awry when she finds out that Galadin danced with another man during that day's lessons.
 ---
 
 > Skilled mages are the cornerstone of a family's reputation. While they are arguable insane to talk to, they pull more than their weight for the greater good of society. --- Lanister da Dusen ho Gason

chapters/chapter-07.md

@@ -4,11 +4,11 @@ summary: >
   The big night and the first dance. Galadin is attending as Glorias and it is everything she hoped it would be. At least until someone recognizes him.
 ---
 
-> There are countless presentation balls throughout what is known as the Social Season. The early ones are a show while the later ones are were decisions are made, alliances forged, and enemies earned. --- *The Dance of Grace*
+> There are countless presentation balls throughout what is known as the Social Season. The early ones are a show while the later ones are where decisions are made, alliances forged, and enemies earned. --- *The Dance of Grace*
 
-After years of fantasies and days of worry, Galadin's first presentation ball exceeded everything he had dreamed it would be. For the last hour, his dance card had been filled with one partner after the other. He loved every moment on the floor, hand-in-hand with his partner and his green dress flowing in the wide circles of one classical dance after another.
+After years of fantasies and days of worry, Galadin's first presentation ball exceeded everything he had dreamed it would be. For the last hour, his dance card had been filled with one partner after the other. He loved every moment on the floor, hand-in-hand with his partner and his green dress flowing in the wide circles of the classical dances.
 
-The last minute dance lessons still echoed in his hand as he looked into the eyes of his current partner, an older man with a military badge of honor on his breast. He was easily twice Galadin's age but seemed to be enjoying himself.
+The last minute dance lessons still echoed in his head as he looked into the eyes of his current partner, an older man with a military badge of honor on his breast. He was easily twice Galadin's age but seemed to be enjoying himself.
 
 He knew that his mother had been careful about his dance card. No one famous or in the center of attention for the city would be taking his hand. She was careful not to risk the family's reputation on Galadin's fantasy, but somehow she managed to find enough suitors to keep Galadin dancing.
 
@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ Turning away, Galadin fought a whimper. Did Dorin notice him? Would she ruin his
 
 Just as they reached the tables, Dorin approached. She had a fake smile on her lips as she held out her hand. "There you are!" She held out her arms in welcome.
 
-Her partner stopped. "Oh, you are from Dame Dorin's school?" It was a pointed question. There was a lot more than just debutantes by themselves at the ball, there were also all the seamstresses, instructors, and women involved with presenting them. The success of debutante expanded to include not only herself but those who helped her.
+Her partner stopped. "Oh, you are from Dame Dorin's school?" It was a pointed question. There were a lot more than just debutantes by themselves at the ball, there were also all the seamstresses, instructors, and women involved with presenting them. The success of a debutante expanded to include not only herself but those who helped her.
 
 Galadin gulped and glanced at Dorin.
 
@@ -44,7 +44,7 @@ Terrified that he was about to have his secret revealed, Galadin said, "Y-Yes. I
 
 Her partner gave Dame Dorin a bow. "Your instructions were impeccable, Taladame Dorin."
 
-"Thank you, Besire," she said with just a quiver of her lips. Dorin was clear to call her "dame", not "taladame" for a lady who had lost her husband.
+"Thank you, Besire," Dorin said with just a quiver of her lips. Dorin was clear to call her "dame", not "taladame" for a lady who had lost her husband.
 
 "I'll leave your charge in your hands, I have some business to attend to."
 
@@ -52,6 +52,10 @@ Galadin's heart rose up in a brief worry. Was he going to talk to Galadin's fath
 
 Dorin took Galadin's hand and deftly brought him to the side. "He's not going to your father, Love. A pair of his card game friends had just arrived with their daughters and he has his eyes on one of them."
 
+"W-What?" Galadin's throat felt dry.
+
+"It was clear on your face."
+
 "Oh," Galadin wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved.
 
 Dorin turned and held Galadin's hand, looking him over. They were away from the others. Her lips pressed tightly together. "So, this is why you stopped coming to my lessons?"
@@ -70,16 +74,16 @@ Dorin shrugged. "When I can count the number of bedames and besires I'm teaching
 
 She lifted Galadin's gloved hands and lowered them, "Just not this way. You do make a lovely bedame but some of your movements still scream besire."
 
-"I'm sorry." Galadin ducked his head.
+"I'm sorry." Galadin turned away slightly then he glanced back.
 
 Dame Dorin's eyes grew hard for a moment and then she smiled. "I'll tell you what. You tell everyone that I'm still your teacher and we resume your lessons after the ball. Your form is beautiful but you need to bring your hand more into a curve when you spin. It has to look like a ribbon flowing in the water."
 
 She gave a short laugh and some of the attention faded. "Besides, Potsur won't be standing much less attending this ball. A silk lady should always attend the affairs of their charges, that goes triple for their most promising."
 
-Galadin's heart almost exploded. "You think I"m promising."
+Galadin's heart almost exploded. "You think I'm promising?"
 
 "I'm willing to steal Potsur's efforts and have you claim your skill as from mine. That is putting my name at risk as much as you are putting yours." She nodded her head and pulled Galadin close.
 
-Stepped forward, Galadin leaned forward as Dorin kissed her on the cheek. For a moment, he felt like a real debutante but the fleeting sensation faded.
+Stepping forward, Galadin leaned forward as Dorin kissed her on the cheek. For a moment, he felt like a real debutante but the sensation faded.
 
 "I'll see you tomorrow." She winked. "I'll make the arrangements with your mother."

chapters/chapter-08.md

@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ summary: >
 
 As the night grew longer, the realization of Galadin's situation began to blur his sense of self identity. Was he a teenage boy in a dress? Or was he really a she wearing the outfit she always wanted? She felt dizzy with the shifting sensations that seemed to bounce from one moment to another.
 
-In the brief respite between each number brought a number of other men willing to chat. Somehow, he found a way of speaking without revealing his true nature. It was sad that he couldn't admit he was male but just the rush of wearing a dress and having everyone treat him as a woman brought joy to her heart.
+In the brief respite between each dance brought a number of other men willing to chat. Somehow, he found a way of speaking without revealing his true nature. It was sad that he couldn't admit he was male but just the rush of wearing a dress and having everyone treat him as a woman brought joy to her heart.
 
 However, every time a new man came waltzing up to the table, Galadin was sure they were there to accuse of him being a boy. It twisted in his gut but he managed to keep a smile on his face and speak in a soft voice while looking for the nearest place to run away.
 
@@ -18,9 +18,9 @@ After the ball, it would be a different story. Neither Galadin or his mother wer
 
 They had also conveniently left Glorias's name off the registry at the ball by sneaking into a side entrance. That would it difficult for anyone to formally request his hand in marriage. Without his father there, an offer couldn't be made and they hoped it would help forestall any embarrassment.
 
-It was exhausting being two people. All Galadin wanted to do was be a beautiful debutante, but the thoughts and fears made it impossible to truly sink into the role of just a cream-dressed girl on the floor.
+It was exhausting being two people. All Galadin wanted to do was be a beautiful debutante, but the thoughts and fears made it impossible to truly sink into the role of just a cream- and green-dressed girl on the floor.
 
-Galadin's mother reached out and gently took Galadin's hand. She squeezed and smiled at him. Her eyes were shimmering and the smile looked honest, probably the first that Galadin had seen in a long time. "Okay, the next one on your card is Besire Rilar. He's sweet and charming, a bit of a dandy, but everyone knows he has his eyes for Bedame Larkimas which is currently stealing hearts over there." She nodded with her head.
+Galadin's mother reached out and gently took Galadin's hand. She squeezed and smiled at him. Her eyes were shimmering and the smile looked honest, probably the first that Galadin had seen in a long time. "Okay, the next one on your card is Besire Rilar. He's sweet and charming, a bit of a dandy, but everyone knows he has his eyes for Bedame Larkimas who is currently stealing hearts over there." She nodded with her head.
 
 With a nod, Galadin smiled. He knew about Larkimas, she was beautiful and everyone talked about her. From rumors, she already had a dozen offers and her father was almost drowning from whiskey and wines poured into his glass.
 

chapters/chapter-09.md

@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ He escorted Glorias to the edges of the dance where Maran sat with a circle of f
 
 Galadin gave his mother a nervous smile. It froze on his face when he saw a strange look on her face, an expression he had never seen before. The shimmering tears were one thing, but this was almost sadness, as if she wished they weren't deceiving everyone that evening.
 
-"Glorias!" It was the seamstress with three others. Lily wore a brilliant dress that looked like a thousand feathers, each one the proscribed green of the dance yet somehow appeared to be a different color. Her ability to color anything had stunned both Galadin and his mother.
+"Glorias!" It was the seamstress with three others. Lily wore a brilliant dress that looked like a thousand feathers, each one the prescribed green of the dance yet somehow appeared to be a different color. Her ability to color anything had stunned both Galadin and his mother.
 
 On one side, Kendrick walked next to her with her fingertips resting on his elbow. On the other, a man she didn't recognize held Mindil's hand. The second man looked slender compared to his wife but it was obvious they were in sync by the way their feet stepped in harmony.
 
@@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ Lily's eyes widened and her fingers tightened on Kendrick's hand.
 
 Maran gave an apologetic look. "You can probably guess why though."
 
-"Well, we're looking for a place to sit. Would you mind if we join you?"
+"Well, we're looking for a place to sit. Would you mind if we joined you?"
 
 Mindil's husband lifted his head. "What about our seats---?"
 
@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ As Galadin blushed, her mother pushed a glass of wine over to him. Galadin smile
 
 "So, any cute guys?"
 
-"Mindil!" chided Lily. "What my lovely friend said is that are you feeling like a beautiful debutante here?" She reached out and took Mindil's hand, holding it firmly.
+"Mindil!" chided Lily. "What my lovely friend said is: are you feeling like a beautiful debutante here?" She reached out and took Mindil's hand, holding it firmly.
 
 Galadin hesitated. As much as he loved wearing the dress, he still struggled with being a male or a female. Whenever he concentrated, he thought of himself as Galadin, not Glorias. It was the shifting fantasies, when she was being wooed or dancing where Glorias felt like a woman, not a man. He sighed, his head and heart both ached. It felt like walking out into the sunlight for the first time.
 
@@ -114,7 +114,7 @@ Galadin didn't know if Benard knew that Galadin and Glorias were the same. He al
 
 Benard bowed again and held out his hand. The song was about to start.
 
-When he took Galadin's hand, heated sparks coursed through Galadin's body. He felt exposed and bared, every part of his nerves burning with anticipation.
+When he took Galadin's hand, sparks coursed through Galadin's body. He felt exposed and bared, every part of his nerves burning with anticipation.
 
 Benard guided him to the floor, turned around, and then slipped his hand around Galadin's waist. It was firm and strong.
 
@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@ Glorias's stomach clenched. He knew exactly what Benard wanted, he was gay and w
 
 She may be exactly what Benard had been looking for. A troubling stiffness strained underneath the green dress and Glorias was thankful that it would hide the sudden need.
 
-The music brought them in a circle. Glorias's dress swirled out in perfect harmony with the other dancers. She felt like she was in one of the paintings that she admired for years. It brought tears with the feeling of being complete.
+The music brought them in a circle. Glorias's dress swirled out in perfect harmony with the other dancers. She felt like she was in one of the paintings that she had admired for years. It brought tears with the feeling of being complete.
 
 Too soon, the music slowed and came to a stop. When a ripple of applause filled the room, the dancers began to drift back to their tables.
 

chapters/chapter-10.md

@@ -4,13 +4,13 @@ summary: >
   Months later, still in the Social Season, but Glorias was done. Her hand had been offered and accepted. Now, she was heading somewhere where her secret didn't have to be a secret anymore.
 ---
 
-> There is something about the country, where distance from judging eyes and opinionated gossip fades. It was the only way I could survive and still be myself. --- Glorias dea Kasin
+> There is something about the country, where a distance from judging eyes and gossip fades into obscurity. It was the only way I could survive and still be myself. --- Glorias dea Kasin
 
-Glorias sat on the steps inside her parent's house and stared at the door. Her heart pounded in her heart as she silently willed it to open.
+Glorias sat on the steps inside her parent's house and stared at the door. Her heart pounded as she silently willed it to open.
 
-Despite the weeks of happiness that had followed her first ball, there was still that doubt. Would Benard realize he had made a mistake and voided the offer? Would her father have to give back the sizable dowry that had been offered?
+Despite the weeks of happiness that had followed her first ball, there was still that doubt. Would Benard realize he had made a mistake and void the offer? Would her father have to give back the sizable dowry that had been offered?
 
-She tugged on the bottom of her dress. It felt more comfortable than ever before. It felt right, as if she had been born to wear it ever since the beginning. The corset was a bit tight though, she had started getting used to the pressure when they decided to make it a little tighter for the last view the city would have of her before she headed out of town.
+She tugged on the bottom of her dress. It felt more comfortable than ever before. It felt right, as if she had been born to wear it ever since the beginning. The corset was a bit tight. She had started getting used to the pressure when they decided to make it a little tighter for the last view the city would have of her before she headed out of town.
 
 "Glorias?" Her mother came in. Her eyes were red with tears but a smile glowed on her face. "Don't sit at the stairs like a little... girl. He'll come."
 
@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ Glorias looked at her. "It's easy for you to say, you're beautiful. You have a h
 
 Mindil looked up at the ceiling and grinned. She sipped from her wine. "More than you know."
 
-She lowered her glass and stretched out, her belly stretching against her dress and cradled her breasts. "But your Benard isn't into big girls like me."
+She lowered her glass and stretched out. Her belly strained her dress and the gesture pushed her breasts further up. "But your Benard isn't into big girls like me."
 
 Relaxing, she continued, "He's into beautiful girls like you. Slender, brown hair, and sweet."