may-i-lead-this-dance/chapters/chapter-09.md

---
title: One Last Dance
summary: >
  The night is finally over, at least for Galadin. The last two lines were empty and no more men were waiting to dance.
---

> The homosexual, as an aberration against the divine will of the Couple, has no place in society where it can spread like poison. But like all curses, it remains in the shadows to only poison a few. --- Tantol da Disrobin, *Faith of the Families*

"Thank you, Bedame, for the lovely dance," said the older gentleman looking for a second spouse.

Glorias curtsied. "My humble thanks for your company, Tasire."

He escorted Glorias to the edges of the dance where Maran sat with a circle of friends. He bowed deeply to Galadin's mother. "I bring your daughter safe to your side," he intoned the ritualistic words before slipping away. From what he said while dancing, he already had his name on two more cards before the evening ended.

Galadin gave his mother a nervous smile. It froze on his face when he saw a strange look on her face, an expression he had never seen before. The shimmering tears were one thing, but this was almost sadness, as if she wished they weren't deceiving everyone that evening.

"Glorias!" It was the seamstress with three others. Lily wore a brilliant dress that looked like a thousand feathers, each one the proscribed green of the dance yet somehow appeared to be a different color. Her ability to color anything had stunned both Galadin and his mother.

On one side, Kendrick walked next to her with her fingertips resting on his elbow. On the other, a man she didn't recognize held Mindil's hand. The second man looked slender compared to his wife but it was obvious they were in sync by the way their feet stepped in harmony.

Lily pulled Galadin into a hug that wouldn't risk marring either of their makeup. "You look beautiful, my dear."

"Thank you," Galadin whispered back.

"How does it feel?"

"Like everything I ever wanted."

A sob startled her. He looked over to see tears on his mother's face. She was smiling as she held a piece of silk to her lips. "Mother?"

"You are so beautiful," she said through the tears. If things were different, she would have friends crying next to her but she was alone at the table. None of Maran's other friends could be trusted with Galadin's fantasy.

The world spun around Galadin as she looked at her mother; the sense of identity blurred in that moment and it almost felt real. "Really?"

"Y-Yes!" She staggered up out of her chair. Stepping around the table, she grabbed Galadin. "My baby."

Galadin let out a gasp and then hugged her mother back. She could feel her crying, the soft sobs shaking her body as they held each other tightly. "Thank you. Thank you so very much."

His mother kissed her sweetly. "You are so beautiful."

When they broke the embrace, Lily and Mindil were still there, smiling broadly.

Galadin pushed her hair back. "S-Sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"No, its beautiful seeing you two."

Mindil glanced over. "Dame Maran, you look alone here."

Lily's eyes widened and her fingers tightened on Kendrick's hand.

Maran gave an apologetic look. "You can probably guess why though."

"Well, we're looking for a place to sit. Would you mind if we join you?"

Mindil's husband lifted his head. "What about our seats---?"

Mindil stamped on his foot with her heel. She smiled sweetly. "A mother should always have company when her beautiful daughter is on the floor."

He gulped and looked pained.

Kendrick chuckled. He withdrew from Lily, kissed her cheek, and turned to the other. "Come on, Hasan. I bet we could find some drinks for our wives."

Hasan sighed but followed the other man away.

Mindil gestured to the table. "May we?"

"Oh... t-thank you," Maran said, her voice cracking. She swept Mindil and then Lily into a tight embrace. Then the four women, including Galadin, sat down.

As she did, Galadin glanced at her dance card. There were only two more slots left in the evening but no names filled the lines.

The rush, the point of being someone else faded. He was disappointed but at the same time happy that the five other lines had been filled in. For someone who had presented himself as a woman only a few weeks ago, the fact that five found him appealing brought a smile.

Mindil picked up the card and frowned. "A pity, so few men have good taste."

"Do you want to stay?" asked Lily.

Galadin nodded with a sad smile. "Yes, even if I don't dance. I just want to enjoy this evening. I don't want it to ever end."

"Then we would be honored to keep you company. As people say, silks should always stand next to their best works."

As Galadin blushed, her mother pushed a glass of wine over to him. Galadin smiled to herself and then carefully dabbed the tears from her eyes. "This is everything I hoped for."

"So, any cute guys?"

"Mindil!" chided Lily. "What my lovely friend said is that are you feeling like a beautiful debutante here?" She reached out and took Mindil's hand, holding it firmly.

Galadin hesitated. As much as he loved wearing the dress, he still struggled with being a male or a female. Whenever he concentrated, he thought of himself as Galadin, not Glorias. It was the shifting fantasies, when she was being wooed or dancing where Glorias felt like a woman, not a man. He sighed, his head and heart both ached. It felt like walking out into the sunlight for the first time.

Maran spoke quietly. "You can keep doing this, if you want. I'll help. Your father will too, he always does."

"Really?"

She nodded with fresh tears glistening in her eyes. "Yes, I promise." She chuckled. "I knew this day was coming for years. It just... took me a while to realize that I shouldn't stop it. Your father was right. Just don't tell him that, I hate it when he's right."

Galadin started to say something but someone's presence interrupted him. "Excuse me."

The voice quickened Galadin's pulse. It was Benard. Trembling, he looked up to see the Navy officer standing a respectful distance wearing a sharp black suit.

"Oh my," whispered Mindil.

Galadin's heart beat faster as she looked at the broad-shouldered man who stood with one hand held out. He had cleaned up since Glorias had last seen him.

"I wasn't aware that you had a beautiful daughter coming to this affair, Maran da Kasin ho Kamer." He bowed deeply. "I beg for forgiveness for not requesting it earlier, but when I saw her at the table, I realized I had to come over."

All four of them let out soft sounds.

"I would be honored if I may have her hand for this dance."

Glorias whimpered, her face growing flushed as she stared up. She desperately wanted to say yes, the memory of their touching during dance lessons still bright in his thoughts. The easy way Benard spoke and moved, the firmness that they held hands while dancing, it was another thing she hoped to finally have.

"Glorias?" asked her mother.

Galadin didn't know if Benard knew that Galadin and Glorias were the same. He almost said no, but he couldn't pull his thoughts from the smell of his cologne and the electric touch between them. "I... yes," he whispered.

Benard bowed again and held out his hand. The song was about to start.

When he took Galadin's hand, heated sparks coursed through Galadin's body. He felt exposed and bared, every part of his nerves burning with anticipation.

Benard guided him to the floor, turned around, and then slipped his hand around Galadin's waist. It was firm and strong.

With weak knees, Glorias turned into the first position, her hand in a position to be led.

"What do you think about these dances? They are simple enough."

Glorias laughed nervously. "I haven't had enough lesson and Dorin---"

With a start, she clamped her mouth shut. He didn't want to reveal that she already knew Benard as a different person. Her heart pounded in her chest as the music swelled up.

"I know what you mean. I feel like I've been going to this old lady's lessons forever but she keeps matching me up with women who really aren't..." He smiled broadly. "My thing. You know what I mean?"

He winked and drew Glorias around.

Glorias's stomach clenched. He knew exactly what Benard wanted, he was gay and wanted men not a woman. The surreal sensation draped over her as she struggled with who she was. Benard would want Galadin but at the same time, it was Glorias that he was dancing with. Of all the men, of all the possibilities, there was a single possible shred of fantasy that could be filled.

She may be exactly what Benard had been looking for. A troubling stiffness strained underneath the green dress and Glorias was thankful that it would hide the sudden need.

The music brought them in a circle. Glorias's dress swirled out in perfect harmony with the other dancers. She felt like she was in one of the paintings that she admired for years. It brought tears with the feeling of being complete.

Too soon, the music slowed and came to a stop. When a ripple of applause filled the room, the dancers began to drift back to their tables.

Glorias didn't want to leave. She looked into Benard's eyes, wondering if there could ever be anything between the two of them. New fantasies rushed through her mind, setting her skin on fire and quickening her heart. She wanted to be Glorias completely in that moment, to imagine a world where she never had to go back.

"I don't want to leave," Benard said quietly.

"Do we have to?"

"No," her partner said. "You never have to leave."

Glorias's heart skipped another beat. In that moment, it felt as if Galadin has ceased to exist. All the fear, terror, and doubt burned away, leaving only an intense longing and happiness.

The musicians started up a quieter dance for the intermission between the formal ones. Normally it just filled in the silence but this time, Glorias wanted to keep dancing.

Benard ran his fingertips starting from Glorias's elbow to her wrist. "Now, do you remember the Fox step from Dame Dorin's class? You were very good at it but I seem to recall you were in the lead at the time."

Glorias shivered with fright and excitement.

Benard gently turned Glorias's wrist until it was Benard taking the lead.

Glorias's breath locked in her throat. She trembled as she looked up into Benard's warm eyes.

"May I lead this dance?"

With a happy smile blurred by happy tears, Glorias nodded. "Yes."

"Good, because I couldn't wait to ask for a chance to dance with you tonight. I would be honored to fill your dance card for the rest of the evening, Bedame Glorias kia Kasin."