fix: tweaked seventeen

chapters/chapter-17.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ summary: >
 
 > It is considered poor form to demand payment from hitchhikers. However, requests to pay for meal and supplies are allowed, as long as they are truly requests and not demands. --- Gardol de Hastor, *The Changing Ways of Transportation*
 
-After another day of disappointment, Linsan didn't have hopes for the next village. After the good luck with earning her keep with her violin and then catching a ride with Maril, she had hoped that the gods would reveal the murderers within hours. Sadly, even as wagon stopped at each village throughout the day, no one could provide even a hint to men Linsan was chasing.
+After another day of disappointment, Linsan didn't have hopes for the next village. After the good luck with earning her keep with her violin and then catching a ride with Maril, she had hoped that the gods would reveal the murderers within hours. Sadly, even as wagon stopped at each village throughout the day, no one could provide even a hint to the men Linsan was chasing.
 
 With a sigh, she leaned against the side of the wagon and peered down at the wheel. There was still mud still clinging to the wagon. As the wagon rattled over a wooden bridge, flecks of half-dried cascaded down and created a path.
 
@@ -22,15 +22,15 @@ Maril grinned. "Those girls really like to be comfortable when enjoying their ri
 
 Another groan faded her smile. She wiped her forehead and returned her attention to the road.
 
-Linsan watched her for a moment and then sat back down. She watched as the village rose.
+Linsan watched her for a moment and then sat back down. She watched as the village revealed itself among the trees.
 
-"Lin? You got a few crowns?"
+"Lin? You got a few crowns on you?"
 
-"Yes, do you need me to get anything from the store."
+"Yes, do you need me to get anything from the store?"
 
 "Some willow bark would be nice. Something to chew on, not drink. I've been peeing enough as it is. And moon pads, if you are willing. If not, I'll grab some myself."
 
-Linsan had enough for that. "No, that's okay. I can get those. You are giving me a ride."
+Linsan had enough for that. "No, that's okay. I can get those. Fair is fair. After all, you are giving me a ride."
 
 "Thanks." Maril groaned again. "Hitch the horses too."
 
@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ Linsan stepped back.
 
 He was starting to reach for a thick leather tomb but then stopped. His hand went to a thick pad of paper instead. Pulling it open, he leafed through it. "Sterlig... Sterlig... here you go. You have a code?"
 
-"I'm suppose to write it down?"
+"I'm suppose to write it down?" She felt uncomfortable with the new experience but she trusted her father's directions.
 
 Shrugging, he put out a piece of paper and a pencil on the counter.
 
@@ -80,21 +80,25 @@ The banker fumbled with some papers before he handed her another one, this one h
 
 Unsure of what to write, Linsan hesitated for a moment. "What's the name of the village?"
 
-The banker half-stood and pulled out another piece of paper. Setting it next to her, he tapped one a symbol. "Just put that in a square by itself. I put the bank location there."
+The banker half-stood with a look of surprise. Then he looked around furiously and started pawing through papers.
+
+Linsan looked curiously.
+
+He let out a surprised noise and pulled out a piece of paper. "Most of the time I'm dealing with folks... sorry. Here!" He flattened the paper on the counter and tapped one of the first symbols. "Just put this in a box by itself. It doesn't need any spaces around it. It's a good one to memorize, it means the name of the sending bank." He shrugged. "In most cases, it's the same as the village."
 
 The rest of the paper had other single-square images to use for each of the surrounding villages, the next town, and other common phrases.
 
-Still nervous, she wrote a quick message that said she was safe, still on her way, and she was still looking.
+With his help, Linsan wrote a quick message that said told her parents she was safe, still on her way, and she was still looking.
 
-The banker gave her a few suggestions to shorten her phrases. When she was done, he took it and pulled out a large box filled with tiles.
+He took the completed note and set it down. A large box filled with white tiles came out from a drawer.
 
 Curious, she watched as he pulled out the tiles for the letter she had just written and placed them in a stack. Each tile was made of some sort of crystal or glass. Flickers of energy raced along the side.
 
-He looked up. "You have a powerful talent."
+He looked up in surprise. "You have a powerful talent."
 
 "I do?"
 
-"Yes. I can't use this spell with you in the bank, you might cause something to crack."
+"Yes. I can't use this spell with you in the bank, you might cause something to crack. I can't afford to replace these."
 
 Blushing, Linsan backed away. "Sorry."
 
@@ -104,7 +108,7 @@ The banker didn't appear to be listening to her as he concentrated on stacking t
 
 Linsan sighed and turned around.
 
-"I can't tell you about them."
+"I can't tell you about them," he said suddenly.
 
 She froze. "W-What?"
 
@@ -130,29 +134,55 @@ The older woman set down her book and gave Linsan a brilliant smile. "Welcome to
 
 "Sorry, I actually have an important question."
 
-There was a faint creasing around Gal's eyes.
+There was a faint creasing around Gal's eyes. She cleared her throat. Her annoyance was painfully obvious.
 
 Linsan cringed. "Sorry."
 
-After a second, it faded. Gal straightened her book.
+After a second, Gal's expression grew less stern but didn't quite disappear. She didn't speak but picked up her book and tapped it against the counter.
 
-Sheepish, Linsan waited impatiently for the silent disapproval to fade. She wanted to ask so many questions, but she knew enough to wait.
+Quietly berated, Linsan waited impatiently as Gal rapped her book a few times before setting it down carefully.
 
-"I must be getting old. How may I help you, young lady?"
+Linsan opened her mouth.
 
-Linsan was almost vibrating. "The banker said three men had come in earlier. They all had long, ground-length coats and wide-brimmed hats. One them had a guitar. Have you seen them?"
+Gal stopped her with a look. She rotated the book slightly on the counter. Then, she folded her wrinkled fingers together and leaned forward. "Now, how may I help you?"
 
-Gal nodded. "Of course, I did. Part of your group?" she asked pointing to Linsan's violin.
+Sheepish, Linsan forced herself to take a deep breath. She wanted to scream or call out. She was s close, so near finding that she was going in the right direction. "T-The banker said three men had come in earlier. They all had long, ground-length coats and wide-brimmed hats. One them had a guitar. Have you seen them?"
 
-For a moment, Linsan considered lying. Then she shook her head. "No, they have something of mine and I'm just hoping to catch up."
+Gal smiled brightly. "Of course, Sweetie."
 
-"Well, you are a couple days behind them. They had stopped her for dinner three nights ago before driving off."
+Linsan grabbed the edge of the counter. "R-Really? You saw them!?"
 
-"Three nights?" Linsan's shoulders slumped. They had gotten to the village in a single day? How is that possible. "No, that can't be it."
+A stern look stopped her.
 
-Gal looked at her. "Not a lot of people have guitars. Are you sure? It really sounds like them."
+She trembled as she forced her fingers off the counter. "S-Sorry. I've been chasing them for a few days now and no one else had seen them."
 
-Linsan sighed and shook her head. "There is no way they could have gotten this far in a day. It has to be someone else."
+"I can't imagine why, it's been four... no three days since they came driving through."
+
+Linsan froze, her heart pounding and the world spinning violently around them. "T-Three days? How did they get here so far? No, it can't be them."
+
+Gal shrugged. "Not a lot of people play guitars. Or wear coats like that. Sounds like your guys. Your band abandon you?"
+
+Linsan took a deep breath. She considered lying. "N... No."
+
+"Groupie?"
+
+"What's are those?"
+
+Gal grinned. "Pretty girls like you chasing after singers because they got a wink or just want a chance at them?"
+
+Linsan stared for a moment. Then her cheeks began to burn. "No... no! They stole something of mine... ours and I'm trying to chase them down."
+
+Gal cocked her head for a moment, her eyes peering at her.
+
+"Please?" Linsan whispered. "I just need to find them. I've been traveling for three days since... since..." Tears welled up in her eyes. She didn't know why, but she didn't want to say they were murderers. "... I just need to find them. I swear."
+
+Gal's eyes softened slightly.
+
+"Please?"
+
+Gal shrugged. "Well, you are a couple days behind them. They were just for dinner before driving off. They didn't stay here for the night. Just bought a few snacks and headed out."
+
+"Left? At night?"
 
 "Well, they are making those auto-driving vehicles faster these days. It was a pretty nice one too. You don't see fancy ones in villages like this very often."
 
@@ -160,13 +190,19 @@ Linsan froze. They had a car?
 
 Tears burned in her eyes. She couldn't catch up with a vehicle. Not with a wagon and definitely not on foot. She gripped her violin tightly as she tried not to burst into tears.
 
-Gal's eyes softened.
+Gal's eyes flickered as she stared at Linsan's face.
 
-"S-Sorry." Linsan wiped her eyes. "I didn't mean... I... sorry."
+"S-Sorry." Linsan wiped her eyes. "I didn't mean... I... sorry. I've never done this and they... I can't catch up, can I?"
 
-She looked around. Spotting the things Maril requested, she grabbed them and set them down. "C-Could I get these?"
+She stepped back, and shook her head. "I can't. I can't," she whispered to herself. Tears ran down her cheeks as she shook her head.
 
-As Gal took the money and recorded the sale, Linsan lost herself in despair. With a car, the murderers would easily outpace her. Even at her best, she couldn't hope to catch with them. However, she was heading in the right direction and now she knew to ask about a car.
+Gal didn't say anything.
+
+Wiping her face, Linsan took a deep breath and tried to stop the despair from consuming her. She spotted the chews and feminine pads that Maril wanted. With a shaking hand, she picked them up along with some snacks and carried them over to the counter. "C-Can I get these?"
+
+"Of course, Sweetie," Gal said in a sympathetic voice. "That will be four crowns."
+
+As Gal took Linsan's money and recorded the sale, Linsan lost herself in despair. With a car, the murderers would easily outpace her. Even at her best, she couldn't hope to catch with them. However, she was heading in the right direction and now she knew to ask about a car.
 
 Would it matter if they would get to Moon Over Stone Waters long before her? How long would it take to set up a sale? Or if they already had a buyer, how long before they moved on?
 
@@ -174,9 +210,9 @@ Would it matter if they would get to Moon Over Stone Waters long before her? How
 
 "I didn't. It just..." Linsan wasn't sure if she was going to give up, it felt like the right thing to do. But, she had to keep going. If anything for Duncan's and her family's honor. "... I'll catch them sooner or later," she finished with a lie.
 
-Gal leaned over and peered at her. "Did they steal something?"
+Gal leaned over and peered at her closely. "What did they do?"
 
-Linsan nodded. "They killed a friend and stole something from my family. I was hoping to catch them and then get guards to bring them back."
+Linsan hesitated. Then she sighed. "They killed a friend and stole something from my family. I was hoping to catch up to them and then get guards to bring them back home to pay for their crimes."
 
 The harsh look on Gal's face softened even more. "Killed?"