fix: tweaking five and six

chapters/chapter-005.md

@@ -9,11 +9,11 @@ summary: >
 
 > The rise of the affluent middle class was a surprise to almost everyone. No one expected that workers would ever have the wealth and power of High Society. --- Wastor da Joknig, _After the Destruction of Natural Order_
 
-Aching and miserable, Linsan limped up the stone path leading home. The blood on her hands and face had dried on the long, painful walk home. It felt like every joint in her body ached from where Brook's blast had tossed her aside.
+Miserable, Linsan limped up the stone path leading home. The blood on her hands and face had dried on the long, painful walk home. It felt like every joint in her body ached from where Brook's blast had tossed her aside.
 
 She spat into the wilted flowers along the side of the path and regarded the stairs leading up to her porch. Every step seemed like an agony and the three steps were almost too much.
 
-Linsan stopped. Wiping her forehead, she turned and sat heavily down on the stairs. Her ruined violin case thumped onto the ground next to her, the makeshift binding made from strips of her skirt and her underclothes kept it sealed shut but she could hear it rattle inside.
+Linsan stopped. Wiping her forehead, she turned and sat heavily down on the stairs. Her ruined violin case thumped onto the ground next to her, the makeshift binding made from strips of her skirt and her underclothes kept it sealed shut but she could hear her violin rattle inside.
 
 She panted in discomfort and looked at the empty street. Fortunately, they lived on the edge of town and she only got a few curious stares on her walk home. It didn't help that most of them were double-takes and gasps of surprise. No doubt she was already the subject of gossip.
 
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@ As much as she hated Brook for mocking her, the other girl was right. The only r
 
 Now, neither of them could afford an embarrassment. She rubbed her aching jaw and shook her head. It was best just to pretend the fight had never happened.
 
-Linsan glanced at the violin. She wanted to see if the strange magic happened if she played it again. She was also scared that it wouldn't. Worrying her bottom lip, she shook her head and promised to try it again when she headed back to the valley. After the fight, she was sure Brook wouldn't try to interrupt again.
+Linsan glanced at the violin case. She wanted to see if the strange magic happened if she played it again. She was also scared that it wouldn't. Worrying her bottom lip, she shook her head and promised to try it again when she headed back to the valley. After the fight, she hoped Brook wouldn't try to interrupt again.
 
 A cool breeze rippled along her thighs. She squirmed in discomfort. After a few minutes, she considered heading up to her room and seeing if she could sneak a hot shower before her father caught her with uncomfortable questions.
 
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@ Brook slipped off her side of the car. Her shoulders were slumped and her new dr
 
 Dukan strode up the walk. "Lin! You look beaut...." His voice trailed off as he got closer. "Actually, you look like you've been in a pretty nasty fight. Brook did a number on you, didn't she?"
 
-Behind him, his daughter glared at his back. She had a black eye and bandages along her hands and shoulder. Her leather boots scuffed against the flagstone path. She held her dress away from the ground in semblance of before but it obvious she was hurting.
+Behind him, his daughter glared at his back. She had a black eye and bandages along her hands and shoulder. Her leather boots scuffed against the flagstone path. She held her dress away from the ground in semblance of propriety but her arms shook from the effort. She was obviously hurting as much as Linsan.
 
 Linsan regarded Dukan. At first, she considered blaming Brook for the fight and the resulting damage. After all, she had ruined Linsan's violin case and started the argument. She deserved all the punishment she would get.
 
@@ -97,29 +97,33 @@ Linsan rushed forward with her anger, shoving forward with her body. "You're the
 
 "Your family is trash, you stupid bitch!" Brook shoved back with her bandaged hands.
 
-Ready this time, Linsan shoved back with her foot to catch herself before she hit the step. She hiked herself up and shifted to the side so she wouldn't fall. When she came down, she used the momentum to plant her hands on Brook's shoulders and shove with all her might. "Our lives got ruined too!"
+Ready this time, Linsan stepped onto the step behind her, lifting herself up with the force of Brook's shove. Then, with gravity helping her, she brought her hands down to shove back with all her might. "Our lives got ruined too!"
 
-Brook stumbled back into the grass. Her ankle turned and she let out a hiss before hopping further away. "That was just a burnt out forest, I'm talking about my future!"
+Brook stumbled back into the grass. Her ankle turned and she let out a hiss before hopping further away. "That was just a burnt-out forest, I'm talking about my future!"
 
-She started forward but when her ankle too her weight, a sharp pain ripped up her leg. She cringed. Flushed, she forced out the words. "I was supposed to have a pretty power, a silk! Now, every time I clap my hands, every Couple-damned window cracks!" She was no longer hissing, but screaming at the top of her lungs. "What kind of man is going to want a wife who can break walls!"
+She started forward but when her ankle took her weight, she let out a hiss of pain. Flushed, she forced out the words. "I was supposed to have a pretty power, a silk! Now, every time I clap my hands, every Couple-damned window cracks!" She was no longer hissing, but screaming at the top of her lungs. "What kind of man is going to want a wife who can shatter walls! I'll never be able to go to shows without being able to applaud, to play games, or anything with these... these things!"
 
-Tears sparkled in Brook's eyes. She yanked her dress from the ground with one hand and tried to lunge forward again. She tripped and twisted back to avoid falling. When she looked up, the tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I'm ruined because of that stupid fight! All because you attacked me!"
+Tears sparkled in Brook's eyes. She yanked her dress from the ground with one hand and tried to lunge forward again. She tripped on her dress and stumbled to the side.
+
+Reflexively, Linsan stepped back for another blow.
+
+It never came. Brook came to a halt a few feet away and then bent over. Her shoulders shook for a moment before she straightened. When she looked up, the tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I'm ruined because of that stupid fight! All because you attacked me!"
 
 Linsan fought the urge to rush forward and slap her. "You threatened to burn Palisis!" she screamed back. "That's all that's left of our family's heritage and you were going to just burn it!"
 
 "It's just a stupid violin!"
 
-Something snapped inside Linsan. She rushed forward.
+Something snapped inside Linsan. She stepped down to rush Brook.
 
 "Stop!" bellowed Sian and Dukan at the same time.
 
-Linsan tripped on the edge of the wall and came down hard on her knees. Pain shot through her limbs as she bent forward in pain. When she looked up through the waterfall of her brunette hair, she saw that Brook had also fallen back into the dirt.
+Linsan tripped on the edge of the step and came down hard on her knees. Pain shot through her limbs as she bent forward in pain. When she looked up through the waterfall of her brunette hair, she saw that Brook had also fallen back into the dirt.
 
 "What in the Couple-damned hell is going on?" yelled Dukan. "How is this not starting a fight?"
 
 Brook looked away. "Sorry, Daddy," she said in a girlish voice.
 
-"Quiet, Girl! You obviously can't listen to a simple rule." Dukan's shoes thudded down the stairs. "Get off the ground."
+"Quiet, Girl! You obviously can't listen to simple instructions." Dukan's shoes thudded down the stairs. "Get off the ground. You're embarrassing me."
 
 He held out his hand for Linsan.
 
@@ -127,33 +131,35 @@ Crying from the pain, Linsan took it and pulled herself up to her feet. She glan
 
 Sian looked old at the top of the stairs. His skin was pale and wrinkled and there was no joy left in his eyes. He sighed and shook his head.
 
-She cringed. "Sorry."
+She cringed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fight."
 
 "No," Dukan said, "I should apologize for my daughter. She obviously can't be trusted to exercise restraint."
 
-"Sorry---"
+Brook started to speak, "Sorry---"
 
 He held up his hand to silence her without looking at her. "Who or what is Palisis?"
 
-Sian spoke from the porch. "It's Marin's violin."
+Sian spoke from the porch. "It's Marin's violin. The one I gave her when she married Junith."
 
-"Marin? She didn't keep it?"
+"Marin? She didn't keep it? Did... she get divorced again?"
 
-"She died before she could play it. Junith sent it back with a letter." He sniffed and bowed his head.
+Sian shook his head. "No, she... Jun was there when she died. It was sudden and we didn't know she was sick until it was too late. About a year later, Junith sent Palisis back with her apologies. Having it near her brought up too many memories."
+
+He sniffed and wiped the tears from his eyes. "What could I say to that, Dukan? That I would keep it until I needed money, then sell it off to the highest bidder? I poured my heart and soul into that instrument. It was a gift for the greatest women in our lives."
 
 "It's never been played?"
 
-Linsan tensed. She still remembered the first and only time she played the instrument. It was a beautiful sound and she ached to hold the instrument in her hand to do it again. But, her mother had insisted they said it was untouched when they wrapped it up and sent to the family safe box for keeping.
+Linsan tensed. She still remembered the first and only time she played the instrument. It was a beautiful sound and she ached to hold the instrument in her hand to do it again. But her mother had insisted they said it was untouched when they wrapped it up and sent to the family safe box for keeping.
 
 Sian nodded. "Yeah, never been played."
 
 Even though he didn't say it, Linsan could see her father die a little by lying to his best and oldest friend. His eyes shimmered with tears for a moment before he wiped them with the back of his hand.
 
-Dukan looked confused. "It's a virgin Sterlig, Sian. Selling that would get you millions of cuks. Why are you working when that thing could set you for life?"
+Dukan looked confused. "It's a virgin Sterlig, Sian. Selling that would get you millions of cuks. You wouldn't have to be writing essays for pittance. Why are you working when that thing could set you for life?"
 
-Sian shook his head. "It's Marin, Dukan. You know that. There isn't another person closer to both of us than her. How could I just... throw that away for some money?"
+Sian shook his head. "It's Marin, Dukan. You know that. There isn't another person closer to both of us than her. How could I just... throw that away for some money? We are surviving. It's a hard life but there are some things Tis and I just couldn't give up."
 
-With a sigh, Dukan returned to Sian. He took the first step up to grab Linsan's father's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Forgive me. Marin was my friend too. I should have never asked."
+With a sigh, Dukan returned to Sian. He took the first step up to grab Linsan's father's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Forgive me. Marin was my friend too. After all, I was your guard for your wedding. I should have never asked."
 
 Sian nodded but said nothing.
 
@@ -161,41 +167,45 @@ Behind Linsan, Brook whispered to herself. "Women can marry each other?"
 
 Linsan didn't answer.
 
-Dukan patted Sian's hand a few more times before he backed down the stairs until he was even with Linsan. "It will be safe at my bank, Sian. I promise you that."
+Dukan patted Sian's hand a few more times before he backed down the stairs until he was even with Linsan. "It will be safe at my bank, Sian. I promise you that. And if you ever do decide to sell it, I will make sure you get everything you need."
 
-Her father nodded. "Thank you, Dukan. I'm sorry for everything."
+Her father nodded. "Thank you, Dukan. I'm sorry for everything. I'm glad that you came out of this in a better place."
 
-"No one could have known that the fire would destroy everything. However, it's obvious that I've obviously drifted from your life in the last eight years. I apologize for that." He glanced at Linsan. "Look, I have a good run of luck lately and life is pretty good. Not to mention, money isn't as tight as it used to be. How about I set up a patronage for you?"
+"No one could have known that the fire would destroy everything. However, it's obvious that I've obviously drifted from your life in the last eight years. I apologize for that." He glanced at Linsan. "Look, I have a good run of luck lately and life is pretty rosy for our family. Not to mention, money isn't as tight as---"
+
+He turned to Brook with a stern look. "---some of us make it out to be."
+
+Brook's cheeks colored.
 
 Sian pulled a face. "Dukan, I'm honored but---"
 
-Dukan held up his hand. "No, I worked for both you and your father for my entire life until that year. You were always good men and as close to family as you can get. This is the least I can do. Let me help, even if to give your daughter something."
+Dukan held up his hand. "I worked for both you and your father for my entire life. You were always good men and as close to family as you can get. This is the least I can do. Let me help, even if you are too proud, your daughter deserves this."
 
 Linsan inhaled with surprise. She glanced at Brook who looked hurt and just as surprise as herself.
 
-"Just a couple hundred cukdins a month? Three? To help with the bills?"
+"Just a couple hundred cukdins a month? Three? To help with the bills? Make sure she has a good start?"
 
 Sian opened his mouth to say something but then choked back a sob.
 
 Dukan smiled at Linsan who gave him a hesitant smile back.
 
-Then he turned back to her father. "I'm moving... to the other side of town. I bought a nice house. They also just opened up a private school for girls and my daughters are going."
+Then he turned back to her father. "I also came for another reason. I'm moving... to the other side of town, up near the mansions. I bought a nice house for us. They also just opened up a private school for girls and my daughters are switching over in a few weeks."
 
 Sian nodded.
 
 Linsan looked back. Judging from Brook's expression, she obviously didn't know about the move.
 
-"I'm sorry, but this probably means we're aren't going to see much of each other again."
+"I'm sorry, but this probably means we're aren't going to see much of each other again. Not that I've been around a lot since the fire."
 
 Linsan could feel the profound sadness. Over the years, she's seen her father's friends drifting away as fortunes shifted. There weren't many left and Dukan barely visited. It felt like she was watching the last plank bridging their past lives and today being removed.
 
 "I understand, Duk." Sian sighed and nodded.
 
-"Please, let me help. At least until she's done with school. Maybe a few years after that?"
+"Please, let me help? At least until she's done with school? Maybe a few years after that? Until she's twenty?"
 
 With tears rolling down his cheeks, Sian nodded again.
 
-Dukan gave Linsan a smile before turning back to his car. "Come on, Brook."
+Dukan gave Linsan a smile before turning back to his car. "Come on, Brook. We're leaving."
 
 Brook looked at her, some of the anger replaced by confusion. Then she followed her father back to their car.
 
@@ -213,16 +223,16 @@ Her father stopped moving for a moment, then he turned and opened the door. "Com
 
 "Yes." The memory of the rush after she had used her powers came back. She smiled to herself. "It was amazing."
 
-"The violin?" He wasn't looking at her.
+"The violin?" He wasn't looking at her. His eyes were on the broken case at the foot of the stairs.
 
 She cringed. "Yes."
 
-"Then it would take the Couple walking the earth hand-in-hand to stop you from playing that instrument. After all, you've been teaching yourself on the sly for months. I'd rather you know how to play properly than to hurt someone with a misplaced melody or note. So, you need to have lessons and I'm probably the best person to teach you properly."
+"Then it would take the Couple walking the earth hand-in-hand to stop you from playing. After all, you've been teaching yourself on the sly for months. I'd rather you know how to play properly than to hurt someone with a misplaced melody or note. So, you need to have lessons and I'm probably the best person to teach you properly."
 
 She gasped in surprise.
 
 He raised an eyebrow and he smirked. "Your mother is a magnificent creature on the stage but she needs a script to keep her lies together. Her improvisation has always been weak."
 
-Leaning over, he kissed the top of her head. "Come on. I also have to write a letter to your mother to let her know what is happening so she can stop lying herself."
+Leaning over, he kissed the top of her head. "Come on. I also have to write a letter to your mother to let her know what is happening so she can stop making those faces when she talks to me."
 
 Surprised and delighted, Linsan gathered her ruined case and headed up the stairs.

chapters/chapter-006.md

@@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ With a frown, Linsan said, "Why not?"
 
 Another shrug. "For most women, there are only four big roles in a lifetime: the innocent child, the petulant teenager, the hopeful mother, and the weary grandmother. I'm just not old enough to be a grandmother and directors like Kavinar prefer younger-looking women with silver hair than actual mothers."
 
-It didn't seem right. Her mother was a wonderful actress. She had been touring Kormar for over twenty years and there were dozens of awards to her name. Linsan had stacks of posters and notices with her face on it as the leading role.
+It didn't seem right. Her mother was a wonderful actress. She had been touring Gepaul for over twenty years and there were dozens of awards to her name. Linsan had stacks of posters and notices with her face on it as the leading role.
 
 "What about _Gone Without Water_?"
 
@@ -151,13 +151,17 @@ A violin that hadn't been played, a virgin as Dukan called it, would be worth mi
 
 Linsan jumped. "What? No. I mean, yes. H-How? I didn't say anything."
 
-Her mother sighed. "Nothing more than a good guess. I figured your thoughts would go there because that was where both your father and I did. But you don't have the history of that violin that we did. You wouldn't understand how important it is to both of us."
+Her mother sighed. "Nothing more than a good guess. I figured your thoughts would go there because that was where both your father and I did. But you don't have the history of that violin that we share. You wouldn't understand how important it is to both of us."
 
 "More than not having money?" Linsan felt weird asking her parents about such an adult topic.
 
-Tisin shook her head, then she reached over to hug Linsan tightly. "Losing you is the only thing worse than losing that violin. If it came down to you and it, we'll sell it. But until that moment, it is important that we never lose that last bit of Marin."
+Tisin shook her head, then she reached over to hug Linsan tightly. "Losing you is the only thing worse than losing Mar's and Jun's memory. If it came down to you and it, we'll sell it, but otherwise we're going to keep it until there is no other choice. Once made, that decision cannot be undone."
 
-Seeing the tears in her mother's eyes, Linsan nodded. "Sorry."
+Linsan nodded.
+
+Tisin sighed. "But, in many years down the line, when your parents are gone, you should consider selling it. It would give you a good life and you don't have the delicate silver chains shacked around your wrists that we did."
+
+It was a good line from one of Tisin's more recent plays, but the words felt bitter and sad. Seeing the tears in her mother's eyes, Linsan nodded. "I'm sorry."
 
 As quickly as the sadness and hardness appeared, they were gone behind Tisin's beautiful smile. "Come on, I think you need a bit more practice."
 
@@ -203,4 +207,8 @@ Tisin started back into the wrong song.
 
 "Well, I can't."
 
-Tisin padded over. With a smirk, she leaned over and kissed Linsan on the forehead. "Now we have two things to practice."
+"You need to learn how to improvise then," Tinsan said with a smirk.
+
+"So do you. Father says so every time you pretend you didn't buy sweets."
+
+With a smirk, Tinsin leaned over and kissed Linsan on the forehead. "Then we both have something to practice."