From adfd86948ef208d0cabddb96fb371c30efbc7b0d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: "D. Moonfire" Date: Tue, 12 Jan 2021 14:07:30 -0600 Subject: [PATCH] fix: various edits --- README.md | 6 +- chapters/chapter-08.md | 4 +- chapters/chapter-21.md | 2 +- chapters/chapter-32.md | 163 +++++++++++++++++++++-------------------- 4 files changed, 89 insertions(+), 86 deletions(-) diff --git a/README.md b/README.md index eb923e1..418b640 100644 --- a/README.md +++ b/README.md @@ -64,13 +64,15 @@ A dance coordinator/director who is a lech. ## Tilbin -Leader of the gang. +Leader of the gang. Likes to wear a duster and a wide-brimmed hat. Has a guitar. Most of the fire powers are activated through his riffs. ## Mayforn +His hands ignited into white flames as he threw himself in front of the stranger. As soon as he landed, he brought his hands together. Has a large pack over his shoulders. Strengthens flames and heat. + ## Gabaw -The mechanic. Got fired from Dorsen. +The mechanic. Got fired from Dorsen. He can punch the ground and cause it to rupture and bend. ## City Guard diff --git a/chapters/chapter-08.md b/chapters/chapter-08.md index 1e32439..b003019 100644 --- a/chapters/chapter-08.md +++ b/chapters/chapter-08.md @@ -187,7 +187,7 @@ To Linsan's relief, she stopped on the sidewalk in front of the building. Even f Linsan looked around. "Where is the fire brigade? I... I...." She didn't know where to go. -A strange melody drifting pass the howling flames. It sounds like a string instrument of some sort and she thought about the strange men who passed them earlier. Confused, she looked deeper into the flames. +A strange melody drifting pass the howling flames. It sounds like a string instrument of some sort and she thought about the unusual men who passed them earlier. Confused, she looked deeper into the flames. There was a man standing in the middle of the flames, playing with no concern for the fires that roared around him. His leather duster was fluttering as he spun around, playing rapidly with a foreign tune. His instrument didn't look like anything she had seen before. It looked almost like a mandolin except that it had six strings and bars along the neck. The man's fingers were flying up and down the neck as he played with his other hand. With each melody, the flames around him seemed to shift and grow. @@ -195,7 +195,7 @@ Linsan gasped. The stranger was causing or controlling the flames. She reached o Brook followed Linsan's gesture and then gasped herself. "What is he doing?" -The stranger turned and their eyes met. He smiled broadly, his teeth shockingly white in the flames. Then he slammed his hands down across the street and a chord of music ignited the air around him. It howled as it rushed toward them. +The stranger turned and their eyes met. He smiled broadly, his teeth shockingly white in the flames. Then he slammed his hands down across the strings and a chord of music ignited the air around him. It howled as it rushed toward them. Brook and Linsan dodged in separate directions. diff --git a/chapters/chapter-21.md b/chapters/chapter-21.md index 24f9005..4ef44f5 100644 --- a/chapters/chapter-21.md +++ b/chapters/chapter-21.md @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ She reached out for the nearest person. "Excuse me, have you seen---?" "Back off, beggar!" -"I'm not begging," she cried but the person had moved out of her range. She walked toward a woman in a green dress."Have you seen a woman in blue?" +"I'm not begging," she cried but the person had moved out of her range. She walked toward a woman in a green dress. "Have you seen a woman in blue?" At the scowl she got, she stepped back. diff --git a/chapters/chapter-32.md b/chapters/chapter-32.md index 2f0c195..93392af 100644 --- a/chapters/chapter-32.md +++ b/chapters/chapter-32.md @@ -9,96 +9,97 @@ access: private > WIP --- WIP -Twenty minutes later, she came out with the information she needed and flushed with excitement. She hurried across the road. Her eyes scanned the road in both directions before she got inside. +As the people in the village said, the bird tree was impossible to miss. Hundreds of birds fluttered on leafless branches that looked more like claws than something from a tree. With the movement, Linsan half expected the tree to lurch out of the ground and sail into the sky. -"Head south," she said. - -"Problems?" - -Linsan shook her head. "No, but we probably don't want to hang around too long. The older folks in there were fond of Gabaw and his friends. Apparently they spend a fair amount of money drinking every night. He also brings in a lot of outside money and spreads it around." - -Brook started the engine. She regarded the public house. "Doesn't look like it to me. Place must be falling apart inside." - -With a scoff, she gestured to the road. "Where to?" - -"Head south for about a mile until we get to the 'bird' tree. They said it would be obvious. Then the first right. We're looking for a pair of blue barns." - -Brook didn't say anything before pulling into the road. She drove sedately until they were clear of the village and then accelerated sharply. - -Linsan leaned into the forces that shoved her back. They were about to find the men who had murdered Duncan. She was terrified and scared but also excited. Her fingers stroked the edge of her violin case. - -As the people in the public house said, the bird tree was impossible to miss. Hundreds of birds fluttered on the leafless branches. It looked as if the entire tree would launch into the sky for all the fluttering of wings. +She clutched her violin case and stared at the tree. She couldn't tell if it was dead or twisted because of some magic spell, but nothing about the tree made her comfortable. "Blessed Couple," whispered Brook as she careened to look at it. "That's creepy." -Linsan frowned. "Why aren't they making any noise?" +Linsan whimpered soft. "Why aren't they making any noise?" -Brook released the accelerator and the car grew quieter but no sounds of the birds rose up. They rolled past and tried not to think about the eerily silent birds. +Brook released the accelerator and the car grew quieter but no sounds of the birds rose up to fill the silence. Not even the whisper of feathers or the creak of wood. They rolled past with the crunch of dirt underneath the buggy's tires. -As soon as the vehicle passed, Brook revved the engine and shot out down bumping road. +As soon as the vehicle passed, Brook revved the engine and shot out down bumpy road. Linsan braced herself and watched for the turn-off. She spotted it after only a few minutes. "There!" -Brook barely slowed down as she spun the buggy. The back end fish-tailed violently for a moment and the wheels kicked up a cloud of dirt. Linsan barely had enough time to brace herself for the new pressure before it shot foward. +Brook barely slowed down as she spun the buggy. The back end fish-tailed violently and the wheels kicked up a cloud of dirt. -The vehicle bounced on the road, jumping back and forth. Linsan wanted to ask Brook to slow down, but she knew it would be pointless. They had to get to Tilbin and Mayforn at Gabaw's barn. +Linsan barely had enough time to clamp her hands over the drinks and brace herself. The pressure drove her back into the seat as the vehicle launched itself down the bumping road. As they did, she tried to prepare herself for a fight. It was hopeless to even imagine how it would go, they were going blindly into a battle with nothing more than untried skills and a few hours of practice. + +She glanced at Brook. Seeing the dark-haired beauty's face twisted in a scowl, Linsan knew that she wouldn't be able to stop Brook either. They were committed to getting the murderers and recovering the violin. + +When they reached a broken-down windmill, Brook turned hard to the right and followed the road. The car roared while it covered the distance. + +"Just like we practiced?" asked Brook through clenched teeth. + +"Yeah. Just like we practice. Fast songs, work on the beats." + +"This better work." + +"It will," Linsan said, not entirely sure of herself. + +It took a few minutes before they saw the blue barns along the horizon. Linsan smiled grimly. + +Then she caught sight of the main village roofs off to the side. It was pathetically close, less than a few hundred feet. "Damn the Couple!" + +"What!?" + +"That's the village. It's right next door. Those old bastards sent us the long way around---" + +Brook slammed on the accelerated and the engine's roar became a high-pitched scream. Needles on gauges rose rapidly, dipping into the bright yellow areas that warned of danger. + +Behind them, something began to whistle. + +Linsan braced her foot on the dash of the buggy and popped open her case. She quickly tugged it out and stowed the case behind her. Just outside of her window, she could hear the wind howling as the vehicle ripped down the road, kicking up dust, dirt, and leaves. + +She gasped as her heart pounded in her chest. The violin strings hummed underneath her fingers, the warmth of the Sterlig giving her strength and a sense of calm despite her anxiety. "Work on the beat, work on the beat," she whispered. + +"I'm going to bring the Glasscoaster around to use it as a shield. Try to block off their escape. Use it as a shield until we can get our bearings. You go after the guitar, I'll cover." + +"Count the music coming in?" + +Brook grinned, her eyes scanning back and forth on the road. Her dress ruffles fluttered with every bounce of the road but she kept it moving forward. "Third bar, start with the drinking song." + +"*My Lady of the---*" + +"Yes! How can you remember all that?" + +Linsan grinned. "Been living it all my life. A thousands songs are stuck in my head." + +"Keep them fast and hard. The milk song next, and if we are still fighting, then go into that anthem we only tried twice." + +"Plan," Linsan said with a nod. She double-checked her bow. Taking a deep breath, she made sure she was braced and brought the violin up to her chin. It was going to be cramped playing in the Glasscoaster, but they had to come out swinging. + +"Okay... we're coming around the corner." + +Linsan threw herself into the rapid bars of *My Lady of the Dark Unders*, a drinking song that ended with a powerful beat to simulate a fist fight for the woman in the song. Both of them thought it would be perfect with Brook's concussion blast. The rich sounds of her violin were off in the cramp quarters of the buggy. + +The car burst out of the tree line. + +Ahead of them, she caught sight of the man wearing a duster and the wide-brimmed hat. It was Tilbin, the leader of the killers and thieves. He had his guitar swung over his shoulder, the broad instrument smacking as he threw rapidly bags into the back of a vehicle of his own. + +Compared to Brook's Glasscoaster, Dunkan's Black Thunder was a startling different vehicle. It road low to the ground with a buggy near the back third. Mechanical ports and gears shone along the entire length of the trunk. Nestled between fat tires, the chassis looked more like a cat stretching out with its rear rising up where Tilbin threw possessions into the open trunk. + +Gabaw looked up from the beginning of the car. His eyes widened and then he yelled something that Linsan couldn't hear over the roar of the Glasscoaster. + +"Shit," snapped Brook. She kicked the vehicle but it wouldn't go faster. "Shit! Shit!" + +The third of the men, Mayforn, raced out of one barn. He held up his pants with one hand and had a bag in the other. Whatever was in it snapped back and forth, outlining the shape of a violin that had been thrown inside it. + +Linsan's heart skipped a beat when she saw Palisis. + +The three killers quickly threw everything into the car and tumbled inside. In a matter of seconds, Mayforn was in the driver seat and a cloud of white steam burst out of the back of the car. + +"He's about to release the pressure valves," Brook said. "We aren't going to stop them." + +"How?" + +"The Thunder has tanks to get it moving quickly. Otherwise, it's too heavy to move without a horse. Those are going to go off and the entire thing is going to lurch. I just... need to stop it!" + +Rapidly losing any semblence of control, Linsan cradled her violin and braced herself. "Are you going to crash?" + +A wild smile gave an answer Linsan dreaded. ---- - -In the back of her mind, she knew they were taking an incredible risk. - - For the countless time, her imagine - -She pulled into the road and accelerated rapidly. "Where are we go?" - -"" - -" - - - - - She thought about one of her mother's earlier roles in an obscure play called *Keeper of the Towers Twinned*. Tisin's character was the niece of a mage who died and given her his tower. She was a mage on her own right, but no one would believe her unless she pretended to not know anything about the tower she had inherited. That was the attitude she needed, to be naive - -Inspired, Linsan looked inside the open door. Three men and a woman were arranged around a square table. They had cards laid out and mostly empty glasses on the corners. They all looked at her with looks ranging from annoyance to curiosity. - -She put on a worried look on her face before she knocked on the door frame. "Excuse me, sirs and lady? Can you help me?" - -One of the men turned around, scraping his chair against the floor. "Is there a problem, Girl?" - -Linsan gestured back. She took a deep breath before pitching her voice up. "Me and my friend were borrowing her daddy's car and then it started rattling around and there were clouds of smoke and then we started bouncing around the road..." It was getting hard to breath, but she could see two of their expressions soften. "... and I'm worried we can't get home," she finished with a gasp. - -Inching into the room, she held out her hands. "Do you know where the closest stable is... wait, blacksmith?" She held her breath, straining not to let her nervousness show. - -The woman scoffed. "Just send them to Gab's and get back to the game." - -Another of the men snickered and looked at his cards. - -The first speaker shrugged and turned around. "Hope you have a lot of money. Head down the road to the south, then take the second right at the bird tree. Drive until you see the blue barn. Gab will take care of you." - -The snickering man muttered in a low voice. "You mean, take care of your money." - -She ducked her head. "Thank you so much!" - -Linsan headed out. There was more snickering and chuckled. The sound left her - -Linsan cringed - -Linsan gestured wildly. "We were just playing around with me brother's car and it started making a terrible noise! Something in the front with all the pipes and g---" She caught herself. If she was going to pretend to be innocent, she couldn't use the right name. "---the spinning things with all the teeth." - -The speaker grunted. "What makes you think we could do anything about that?" - -Linsan - - Reaching up, she knocked on the door. "Excuse me?" - - - - - - her face relaxed. She waved one gloved hand and said haughtily, "I've heard that his service record is poor---" - -Surprised, Linsan couldn't help but to smile. - -"---and I would only consider his business over his dead body." +The difference between Brook's Glasscoaster and her father's massive vehicle looked like night and day. The Dukan's Black Thunder lived up to the name. It was a long car about twenty feet long with thick tires