fix: integrated more edits

backmatter/credits.md

@@ -8,7 +8,14 @@ I used to do acknowledgments but then I realized there were a lot of people who
 
 If it wasn't for the Noble Pen writing group, I would have never gotten that far.
 
--   None
+-  Shannon R.
+-  Bill H.
+-  Jeff M.
+-  Jered F.
+-  Aime W.
+-  Alex K.
+-  David S.
+-  silky
 
 ### Beta Readers
 

chapters/chapter-004.md

@@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ It would be decades before the trees were old enough to lumber and see if they h
 
 She started walking again, straight for the ruins of the workshop. Her heart began to beat faster with anticipation. This was her private place, the quiet valley with painful memories.
 
-Near the opening that once was a door, she set down her violin case and bag. She popped open her case and eased the the violin from the velvet. It wasn't one of her father's but a good-quality one her mother had bought without her father's knowledge.
+Near the opening that once was a door, she set down her violin case and bag. She popped open her case and eased the violin from the velvet. It wasn't one of her father's but a good-quality one her mother had bought without her father's knowledge.
 
 Stepping away into the knee-high grasses, she tuned it carefully and began to play. It had been a year since the fateful day in the attic. Her mother had given her a new violin as a present and she had played it every day since. Now, she was comfortable with the instrument and could play simple songs fluidly.
 

chapters/chapter-005.md

@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ Miserable, Linsan limped up the stone path leading to her house. The blood on he
 
 She spat into the wilted flowers along the side of the path and regarded the stairs leading up to her porch. Every step seemed like an agony and the three steps were almost too much.
 
-Linsan stopped. Wiping her forehead, she turned and sat heavily down on the stairs. Her ruined violin case thumped onto the ground next to her, the makeshift binding made from strips of her skirt and her underclothes kept it sealed shut but she could hear her violin rattle inside.
+Linsan stopped. Wiping her forehead, she turned and sat heavily down on the stairs. Her ruined violin case thumped onto the ground next to her. The makeshift binding made from strips of her skirt and her underclothes kept it sealed shut but she could hear her violin rattle inside.
 
 She panted in discomfort and looked at the empty street. Fortunately, they lived on the edge of town and she only got a few curious stares on her walk home. It didn't help that most of them were double-takes and gasps of surprise. No doubt she was already the subject of gossip.
 
@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ A loud grinding noise echoed down the street.
 
 She froze with a feeling of dread. She had heard of the new vehicles in town and there were only a few people who could afford the expensive machines. One of them was Dukan. With a groan, she watched the column of steam as it approached steadily from a few blocks away.
 
-There were a thousand things she could have done, but none of them seemed to come to mind as the large-wheeled vehicle came to a rumbling halt in front of the house. It was monstrous thing, unnatural and harsh looking. The entire thing was black with gold trim everywhere. Near the hood, there was an intricate design of a pair of black clouds on a plaque along with some names and a year, 1842.
+There were a thousand things she could have done, but none of them seemed to come to mind as the large-wheeled vehicle came to a rumbling halt in front of the house. It was a monstrous thing, unnatural and harsh looking. The entire thing was black with gold trim everywhere. Near the hood, there was an intricate design of a pair of black clouds on a plaque along with some names and a year, 1842.
 
 The two riders weren't people Linsan wanted to meet either. Dukan got out first, his black suit glistening from the steam that clung to the fabric. He pulled a pair of goggles off his face and snapped them to the side. Flecks of water splattered onto the cobblestones.
 
@@ -124,7 +124,7 @@ Linsan gasped and stumbled back until she hit the step with her foot. "W-What?"
 
 "You started it!" hissed Linsan back.
 
-"There is a different between talking and you throwing blows!"
+"There is a difference between talking and you throwing blows!"
 
 "You ruined my case."
 
@@ -158,7 +158,7 @@ Something snapped inside Linsan. She stepped down to rush Brook.
 
 "Stop!" bellowed Sian and Dukan at the same time.
 
-Linsan tripped on the edge of the step and came down hard on her knees. Pain shot through her limbs as she bent forward in pain. When she looked up through the waterfall of her brunette hair, she saw that Brook had also fallen back into the dirt.
+Linsan tripped on the edge of the step and came down hard on her knees. Pain shot through her limbs as she bent forward. When she looked up through the waterfall of her brunette hair, she saw that Brook had also fallen back into the dirt.
 
 "What in the Couple-damned hell is going on?" yelled Dukan. "How is this not starting a fight?"
 
@@ -216,7 +216,7 @@ Dukan patted Sian's hand a few more times before he backed down the stairs until
 
 Her father nodded. "Thank you, Dukan. I'm sorry for everything. After the fire, I... I... lost myself. Between the debtors and the loss, we barely made it through in one piece. I'm glad that you came out of this in a better place."
 
-"No one could have known that the fire would destroy everything. However, it's obvious that I've drifted from your life in the last eight years as well. I apologize for that." He glanced at Linsan. "Look, I have a good run of luck lately and life is pretty rosy for our family. Not to mention, money isn't as tight as---"
+"No one could have known that the fire would destroy everything. However, it's obvious that I've drifted from your life in the last eight years as well. I apologize for that." He glanced at Linsan. "Look, I had a good run of luck lately and life is pretty rosy for our family. Not to mention, money isn't as tight as---"
 
 He turned to Brook with a stern look. "---some of us make it out to be. We are quite comfortable at this point and you know that."
 
@@ -224,7 +224,7 @@ Brook's cheeks colored.
 
 Sian cringed before he said, "Dukan, I'm honored but---"
 
-Dukan turned back held up his hand. "I worked for both you and your father for my entire life. You were always good men and as close to family as you can get. This is the least I can do. Let me help, even if you are too proud, your daughter deserves this."
+Dukan turned back held up his hand. "I worked for both you and your father for my entire life. You were always good men and as close to family as you can get. This is the least I can do. Even if you are too proud to ask, let me at least help your daughter. She deserves a better life."
 
 Linsan inhaled with surprise. She glanced at Brook who looked hurt and just as shocked as herself.
 
@@ -240,7 +240,7 @@ Sian nodded.
 
 Linsan looked back. Judging from Brook's expression, she obviously didn't know about the move.
 
-"I'm sorry, but you have to admit, we're never going back to the way it was."
+Dukan gestured in the direction of the house. "I'm sorry, but you have to admit, we're never going back to the way it was."
 
 Linsan felt her father's profound sadness. Over the years, she's seen her father's friends drifting away as fortunes shifted. Dukan was one of them. The conversation between Dukan and her father felt like she was watching the last plank bridging their past lives and today being removed.
 

chapters/chapter-006.md

@@ -51,7 +51,7 @@ Her violin dipped and bobbed with her movements. After three years of lessons, s
 
 Tisin, her mother, danced next to her. Her laughter and smiles brightened the entire valley. She danced as freely as she could but there was still no way of hiding the skill as she kicked off rocks and flew across the grasses. It looked like she was gliding more than jumping.
 
-Linsan felt a bit of jealous but that didn't stop her from continuing through the bright melody. Each note rippled across the grasses, swaying them with the waves of sound. In the distance, the music fluttered against the growing tree trunks that may become instruments in another few decades.
+Linsan felt a bit of jealousy but that didn't stop her from continuing through the bright melody. Each note rippled across the grasses, swaying them with the waves of sound. In the distance, the music fluttered against the growing tree trunks that may become instruments in another few decades.
 
 She reached the end of the song and slowed her feet.
 
@@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ Linsan bowed back. "Thank you, my lady."
 
 "And thank you, my beautiful lady." Tisin straightened and hopped around before heading to the blanket on the ground for their picnic. "Come on, you need a break."
 
-She sat down and picked up a lace, wide-brimmed hat. Setting it on her piled-high brunette hair, she favored Linsan with a smile. "You've gotten so good at playing, Honey."
+She sat down and picked up a lace-edged hat. Setting it on her piled-high brunette hair, she favored Linsan with a smile. "You've gotten so good at playing, Honey."
 
 Still panting, Linsan sat down heavily next to her. She carefully set the violin back into its case. "Daddy's lessons have helped a lot."
 
@@ -129,7 +129,7 @@ Another shrug. "No matter. I'd rather have a daughter who found her passions tha
 
 Unsure of how to respond, Linsan focused on eating as she slowly cooled down.
 
-Tisin ate only a few bites before she tilted her hat over her face and leaned back. Her slender arms supported her with her angle. She smiled and closed her eyes.
+Tisin ate only a few bites before she tilted her hat over her face and leaned back. Her slender arms supported her body with an artful angle. She smiled and closed her eyes.
 
 Linsan glanced at her. There was something not being said. Her mother had been home for almost a month when usually she only stayed for a week at most before going to rehearsals or out on tour. But Linsan hadn't seen her mother do anything since she returned.
 
@@ -139,7 +139,7 @@ Linsan glanced at her. There was something not being said. Her mother had been h
 
 "As much as I really enjoy spending time, what is going on?"
 
-Tisin smile broadly and she shrugged. "No shows right now."
+Tisin smiled broadly and she shrugged. "No shows right now."
 
 "What about _The Mayor's Mistress_?" It was one of the more recent plays that had started in town. "I saw the bills when we were grocery shopping."
 
@@ -151,7 +151,7 @@ Her mother didn't answer for a moment. Then she sighed. "You know that girl, Val
 
 "She's seventeen!" Linsan shook her head. "That can't be right."
 
-"Eighteen, she was born a year before you, but the director thought she pulled off a better mother than me."
+"Eighteen. She was born a year before you, but the director thought she pulled off a better mother than me."
 
 "How can that be? You are a wonderful mother!"
 
@@ -171,7 +171,7 @@ It didn't seem right. Her mother was a wonderful actress. She had been touring G
 
 "_No Soul Left Uneaten._ My tits were never large enough for Tabil and I won't cheat on your father." Tisin did a little shimmy and a grin, but there was a hollowness in her eyes.
 
-Linsan reached down and plucked some flowers. She toyed with the petals, working her thumb along the edge until it crumbled. She thought about the looks her parents had been giving each other when the topics changing to buying things. She knew how dependent they were on her mother's income. No shows meant nothing coming in. "Are we going to have trouble with money then?"
+Linsan reached down and plucked some flowers. She toyed with the petals, working her thumb along the edge until it crumbled. She thought about the looks her parents had been giving each other when the topics changed to buying things. She knew how dependent they were on her mother's income. No shows meant nothing coming in. "Are we going to have trouble with money then?"
 
 For the first time in Linsan's memory, Tisin's smile faded.
 
@@ -221,7 +221,7 @@ Her mother began to sing. It was the wrong song.
 
 Linsan's concentration broke.
 
-Tisin look at her with a grin. "Why did you stop?"
+Tisin looked at her with a grin. "Why did you stop?"
 
 "You're singing the wrong song!"
 

chapters/chapter-007.md

@@ -27,9 +27,9 @@ constraints:
 
 > There is no switch that flips when one becomes an adult in the eyes of the law. No magical changes or alterations, just the same thoughts in an older body. --- _Gone Without Water_ (Act 2, Scene 1)
 
-Linsan had only been eighteen for a day and she was about to do the first adult thing she could think of: ask for money. Her mother had not had a job or show since last summer and her father's commissions for essays were dwindling every week. Both of her parents tried to keep it hidden from her.
+Linsan had only been eighteen for a day and she was about to do the first adult thing she could think of: ask for money. Her mother had not had a job or show since last summer and her father's commissions for essays were dwindling.
 
-Since her mother's confession during their summer picnic, Linsan couldn't help but notice the gradual tightening of the purse strings. It started with buying a little less at the store for food. Then it was replacing their favorite teas with more local ones with less flavor. Then the dairy delivery went from every three days to once a week and then every other week. Her mother's dresses changed with their fortune, the fancy materials carefully wrapped and placed in the attic. The ones she wore to clean house became her daily outfits, though she never stopped wearing hats and the occasional gloves. The fanciest she got was when her weekly students came in to learn how to sing. There were only three of them.
+Since her mother's confession during their summer picnic, Linsan couldn't help but notice the gradual tightening of the purse strings. It started with buying a little less at the store for food. Then her mother replaced her favorite tea with a weaker, local brand. Then the dairy delivery went from every three days to once a week and then every other week. Her mother's dresses changed with their fortune, the fancy materials carefully wrapped and placed in the attic. The ones she wore to clean house became her daily outfits, though she never stopped wearing hats and the occasional gloves. The fanciest she got was when her weekly students came in to learn how to sing. There were only three of them.
 
 What started as a vague idea became a necessity when Linsan saw how anxious both of her parents were for the monthly monies that came from Dukan. He had continued to do well for himself with the occasional appearance in the newspapers or a notice about a new purchase he had made. She hadn't seen him in better part of five years though, true to his word, he didn't come around any longer and she only had a vague idea of what he looked like.
 
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@ Dukan had said the money would last until a few years after school. With her fin
 
 What was the worst that could happen?
 
-The day after her birthday was the best day to ask. From an article in the newspaper, she had learned that he only worked one day a week at the bank and she vaguely remembered that he had said the money would come until she turned eighteen. That meant the check her family hoped would show up soon might never come unless she asked.
+The day after her birthday was the best day to ask. From an article in the newspaper, she had learned that he only worked one day a week at the bank and she vaguely remembered that he had said the money would arrive until she turned eighteen. That meant the check her family hoped would show up soon might never come unless she asked.
 
 To make sure she caught him, she left before the sun breached the horizon. It was a cool morning, not quite cold enough to cause her breath to fog but still a reminder that winter had ended less than a month ago. She tugged on her wool coat over her best dress and headed down the walk.
 
@@ -47,7 +47,7 @@ Doubt gnawed at her stomach and she clenched her hands tightly together. She wan
 
 In her mind, she imagined what he would say. Would he demand some sort of service? If it was to work for him at the bank, she couldn't say no to that. She was about to finish school and a steady job, even one that didn't have anything to do with music, was better than none. She would gladly help her parents with that. It didn't matter if he asked her to become a maid, factory worker, or even a herald.
 
-She wouldn't give up the violin though. Even though she didn't understand the emotional connection between Palisis and her parents, she knew it was more important than anything else. They were willing to not sell the violin for potentially millions of cukdins because of its importance. She wouldn't betray them by ever letting that violin go.
+She wouldn't give up the violin. Even though she didn't fully understand the emotional connection between Palisis and her parents, she knew it was more important than anything else. They were not willing to sell the violin despite a price in the millions. She wouldn't betray them by ever letting that violin go.
 
 Linsan had no clue how Dukan had changed in five years, much less what the bank looked like inside. The newspaper articles had illustrations of him, but the block prints were nothing compared to seeing the real man.
 

chapters/chapter-008.md

@@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ warnings:
 
 On foot, it took Linsan almost two hours to reach the center of town. Her fantasies and "what if" scenarios petered out in her head when she started going over the same ideas until they were polished. She was sure she could handle almost every offer or suggestion Dukan had. She had worked out how far she would go, what jobs she would take, and how much she was willing to do to earn the extra cash.
 
-With her imagination exhausted, she entertained herself with the construction around the city center. It looked like every fifth building was being torn down, the classic styles with carved pillars and reliefs were in the process of being replaced with two- and three-story buildings with intricate wrought iron, massive windows, and delicate stonework.
+With her imagination exhausted, she entertained herself with the construction around the city center. It looked like every fifth building was being torn down. The classic styles with carved pillars and reliefs were in the process of being replaced by two- and three-story buildings with intricate wrought iron, massive windows, and delicate stonework.
 
 In the back of her head, she couldn't imagine how much the new construction cost. Her family was struggling to pay the bills but everyone else seemed to be prospering.
 
@@ -153,7 +153,7 @@ The front doors of the bank burst open in a flash.
 
 Linsan jerked back reflexively.
 
-A wave of heat and noise slammed into her and Brook. Pitched forward, Brook stumbled into Linsan and they both staggered back as their bodies collided. Their cheeks smacked before Brook managed to shove herself back. "You fucking bitch, I'm---"
+A wave of heat and noise slammed into the two. She stumbled into Brook. Their cheeks smacked before Brook managed to shove Linsan to separate them. "You fucking bitch, I'm---"
 
 The air around them grew heavy, pressing down on Linsan's skin. It felt as if something was rushing toward them. With a gasp, she looked past Brook's furious face to see another firestorm gathering inside the bank. It was rushing toward the front door, howling as gasses jetted out of the now gaping windows and doors.
 
@@ -173,7 +173,7 @@ An explosion drowned out anything else Brook said. The concussion wave crashed i
 
 Linsan's foot caught on the wheel but she managed to pull it free before the car tilted toward them. Shattered glass from the windows rained down on them, the sharp edges of the shards cutting across Linsan's face. Scalding liquid added to her cuts as a cup upended from inside the vehicle.
 
-Brook screamed shrilly, only stopping as an intense wave of heat blew past them.
+Brook screamed, only stopping as an intense wave of heat blew past them.
 
 Linsan panted in fear as she looked around. Her face was dripping and she could taste a strange sweetness on her lips. Licking it without thinking, she almost coughed on the bitter taste of tea and too much sugar. Her ears were ringing and she couldn't hear anything. In the park, almost everyone had been thrown to the ground and small fires were burning everywhere. Trees and grasses had been flatted by the explosion.
 
@@ -197,9 +197,9 @@ Brook didn't respond.
 
 Linsan repeated herself.
 
-The other woman mouthed the words. Then, her eyes widened as she scrambled to her feet. "Daddy?"
+Brook mouthed the words. Then, her eyes widened as she scrambled to her feet. "Daddy?"
 
-Spinning around, she gasped at the sight of the bank. "Daddy!" she screamed as she raced around the ruined car and barreled toward the burning building.
+Spinning around, she gasped at the sight of the bank. "Daddy!" she screamed as she raced around the ruined car and sprinted toward the burning building.
 
 Linsan wasn't expecting Brook to run toward the flames. She scrambled after Brook screaming her name.
 
@@ -211,7 +211,7 @@ To Linsan's relief, she stopped on the sidewalk in front of the building. Even f
 
 Linsan looked around. "Where is the fire brigade? I... I...." She didn't know where to go.
 
-A strange melody drifted through the howling flames. It sounds like a string instrument of some sort and she thought about the unusual men who passed them earlier. Confused, she peered past the broken glass to inspect the musician standing in a circle of fire.
+A strange melody drifted through the howling flames. It sounded like a string instrument of some sort and she thought about the unusual men who passed them earlier. Confused, she peered past the broken glass to inspect the musician standing in a circle of fire.
 
 There was a man standing in the middle of the flames, playing with no concern for the fires that roared around him. His leather duster was fluttering as he spun around, playing rapidly a foreign tune. His instrument didn't look like anything she had seen before. It looked almost like a mandolin except the shape was more angular than anyone she had seen and the sounds were compressed. It sounded as if it had metal strings instead of gut.
 
@@ -221,63 +221,63 @@ Linsan gasped. The stranger was causing or controlling the flames. She reached o
 
 Brook followed Linsan's gesture and then gasped herself. "What is he doing?"
 
-The stranger turned and their eyes met. He smiled broadly, his teeth shockingly white in the flames. Then he slammed his hands down across the strings and a chord of music ignited the air around him. It howled as it rushed toward them.
+The stranger turned and their eyes met. He smiled, his teeth shockingly white in the flames. Then he slammed his hands down across the strings and a chord of music ignited the air around him. It howled as it rushed toward them.
 
 Brook and Linsan dodged in separate directions.
 
 Linsan almost fell as she staggered forward. Then she turned around just as Brook was regaining her feet.
 
-The dark-haired woman stormed forward and then faced the open door into the fire. Snarling, she drew her hands back and then clapped them hard in front of her.
+Storming forward, Brook stopped in front of the open door. Beyond it, the fire blazed brightly. She drew her hands back and then clapped them hard in front of her.
 
 A blast of raw noise exploded from the impact, slamming into the fire and shoving it back. The burning frame cracked from the impact as the wave slammed into Linsan, shoving her back with the force of Brook's magic.
 
-Brook screamed and clapped her hand again, a powerful blow that snuffed the flames around her and tossed burning embers in all direction---including toward Linsan's face.
+Brook screamed and clapped her hand again, a powerful blow that snuffed flames. Embers flew in all directions---including toward Linsan's face.
 
 Linsan raised her arm to protect her face.
 
-When she peeked back, Brook was storming into the burning bank. Her hands clapped together and another explosion blew parts of the wall away.
+When she peeked back, Brook stomped into the burning bank. Her hands clapped together and another explosion blasted the smoking wall away.
 
-"Brook!" screamed Linsan and chased after her and into the building. She didn't have any ability to do anything, not without a music instrument. She had left her own violin at home, thinking she wouldn't need it, but she couldn't leave Brook to fight the stranger alone.
+"Brook!" screamed Linsan and chased after her and into the building. She didn't have any ability to do anything, not without a music instrument. She had left her own violin at home, never dreaming she would need it, but she couldn't leave Brook to fight the stranger alone.
 
-Inside, the heat was overwhelming. It felt like it was sucking the air out of Linsan's lungs and causing her skin to crawl with sharp scratches. Everything was burning and her eyes were blurred from the smoke and heat.
+Inside, the heat was overwhelming. It sucked the air out of Linsan's lungs and caused her skin to crawl with sharp scratches and prickling dryness. Her vision blurred from the smoke and heat.
 
-The stranger picked himself up from the ground. His instrument swung around as he slapped it into place. He managed to blast off a chord with his right hand before Brook's clap exploded against his chest. The force of the blow caused the ceiling to creak as he was thrown back into the wall. Burning wood fell down around him as he managed to keep on his feet.
+The stranger picked himself up from the ground. His instrument swung around as he slapped it into place. He managed to blast off a chord with his right hand before Brook's clap punched into him. The force of the blow caused the ceiling to creak as he was thrown back into the wall. Burning wood fell down around him as he managed to keep on his feet.
 
 He yelled "Gab! May!" before slamming out another chord. Flames shot out from his instrument, howling as it blasted toward Brook and Linsan.
 
 Brook had to clap her hands rapidly to stop the flames. She tried to do another powerful clap, but a rapid chord interrupted her and she had to smack her hands to stop the flames from reaching her.
 
-Linsan glanced at the back of the bank. Palisis was in the vault, she could use that to help in the fight. She inched to the side, looking for a path through the flames to the reach the vault.
+Linsan glanced at the back of the bank. Palisis was in the vault, she could use that to help in the fight. She inched to the side, looking for a path through the flames.
 
-Then, one of the strangers came out of the door leading to the vault. He had a large pack over his shoulder. His eyes grew wide and he came to a sharp stop as he stared at the stranger and Brook fighting with sound and concussion. Then, with a swear, he rushed forward. His hands ignited into white flames as he threw himself in front of the stranger. As soon as he landed, he brought his hands together.
+Then, one of the strangers came out of the door leading to the vault. He had a large pack over his shoulder. His eyes grew wide and he came to a sharp stop. He stared at the fight between the stranger and Brook. With with a swear, he charged. His hands ignited into white flames as he threw himself in front of the stranger. As soon as he landed, he brought his hands together.
 
 A wave of concussive force like Brook's radiated from the impact. It didn't snuff the flames in the same way but instead fanned them. They grew stronger and brighter as they roared toward Brook.
 
-Brook looked frightened as she clapped her hands again. Blood splattered across the ground as she interrupted the flames but some of the heat curled her dark hair and scorched her dress. She staggered back, her feet scraping on the blackened ground.
+Brook looked frightened as she clapped her hands again. Her gloves peeled back from the blast, leaving blood to splash onto the ground and sizzle in the heat.  She staggered back, her feet scraping on the blackened ground.
 
-A third man came rushing in from one of the offices. He also had a bag on his shoulder and there were cukdins spilling out across the ground before the currency cards ignited from the heat. "Damn! What you need, Til?"
+A third man rushed in from one of the offices. He also had a bag on his shoulder and there were cukdins spilling out across the ground before the currency cards ignited from the heat. "Damn! What you need, Til?"
 
 The one playing the instrument called out. "Gab! Car's out back, clear a path!"
 
-The man called Gab turned, lifted his body, and then brought his hand down to punch the ground.
+Gab turned, jumped into the air, and then brought his hand down to punch the ground.
 
-Wood and flames blasted in all directions as a wave of force shot out from him to crash into the back wall of the bank. It shattered wood and bricks as it carved into the building behind the bank.
+Wood and flames burst in all directions as a wave of force shot out from him to crash into the back wall of the bank. It shattered wood and bricks as it carved into the building behind the bank.
 
 When the explosion faded, sunlight streamed in from the far side of the block.
 
 Gab did it again, jumping up to punch the ground and blow out more of the back walls. "Out!" he bellowed before racing down the tunnel he had just created.
 
-Til stepped back, playing faster and harder. Flames and music rose around him, shifting around like some living creature. It jerked to one side and then to the other.
+Til stepped back, playing faster and harder. Flames and music rose around him, shifting like a snake. It jerked to one side and then to the other.
 
 Brook couldn't reach him with her power as she struggled against the man between them. Both of them were using concussive forces but their attacks couldn't reach other.
 
 However, the repeated impacts were causing damage to the burning bank. Wood and embers plummeted around them. The floor beneath everyone cracked and shuddered with each magical blast.
 
-Linsan focused on the vault but the flames had risen up and her way was blocked. She growled with frustration, she needed to help Brook and she was useless without an instrument; not that she knew what to do but Til was obviously adept at using music to attack.
+Linsan focused on the vault but the flames had risen up and her way was blocked. She growled with frustration, she needed to help Brook and she was useless without an instrument; not that she had any skills against a man more adept at using music to attack.
 
 The ground shuddered violently as boards split apart. Jets of flames rose up around all of them.
 
-"Bring it down, May!" bellowed Til as he backed into the tunnel.
+"Bring it down, May!" bellowed Til as he backed into the burning hole in the back.
 
 May grinned and began to clap fast and hard. Heat and fire gathered around him, punching the air as his powers hammered against Brook.
 
@@ -285,17 +285,17 @@ Brook clapped back, but she had to move faster as the flames engulfed her.
 
 Linsan had to move. "Shit," she said before she turned away from the vault and sprinted toward Brook.
 
-The ground erupted around her.
+The ground erupted underneath her.
 
-She spun around it, lightly kicking off a chair to dance around the flames. She twirled past as the world seemed to slow around her and she worked her way back to Brook.
+She spun past, lightly kicking off a chair to dance around the flames. She twirled past as the world slowed and she worked her way back to Brook.
 
-May suddenly drew his hands back and slammed them hard in front of him. Energy flashed around him brilliantly. The resulting concussion was less of a clap and more of an explosion as fire blasted in all directions. It tore boards from the ground and ripped apart the ceiling.
+May suddenly drew his hands back and slammed them hard in front of him. A halo of energy flashed around his silhouette. The resulting concussion was less of a clap and more of an explosion as fire blasted in all directions. It tore boards from the ground and ripped apart the ceiling.
 
 Linsan grabbed Brook by her long hair and yanked back with all her might toward the door.
 
 Brook screamed out in frustration as she felt back. "No! Daddy!"
 
-The floor where she was standing burst into flames, the heat shoving them back both as Linsan pulled and yanked the other woman through the door.
+The floor where she was standing burst into flames, the heat shoving them back both. Linsan pulled and yanked at Brook, trying to get her through the door before any more of the building collapsed.
 
 Over Brook's thrashing form, she saw May stepped back before he turned around and raced for the hole in the back.