fix: tweaked ten

chapters/chapter-10.md

@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ teaser: >
   Kamel, the fire investigator, visits Linsan and her family with some hard questions about Duncan's death. But the questions continue further, into more intimate question that would expose hidden secrets.
 ---
 
-> Never underestimate the techniques of controlling a conversation. Criminals always slip up, you just have to get them to throw out enough lies they can't remember what is the truth. --- *How Lies Reveal the Criminal Mind*
+> Never underestimate the techniques of controlling a conversation. Criminals always slip up, you just have to get them to throw out enough lies they can't remember the truth. --- *Flaws of the Criminal Mind*
 
 It didn't take long before Linsan was being driven back home. Kamel and the rest of the guards didn't have mechanical vehicles, so she sat in the passenger side of a small carriage pulled by a single horse.
 
@@ -12,23 +12,27 @@ Sitting next to Kamel felt more like sitting outside the headmaster's room at sc
 
 At the thought of Brook, Linsan's mood darkened. The words she had said before they went their separate ways still stung. Linsan had tried to join into the fight, but what could she do without an instrument? With the guilt rising, she decided she needed to always have her violin with her. Just in case.
 
-Kamel sighed as he snapped the reins on the horse. Ever since she had mentioned the fire at the workshop, he seemed on edge. His eyes would snap back and forth and he occasionally made a grunt.
+Kamel sighed as he snapped the reins on the horse. Ever since she had mentioned the fire at the workshop, he seemed to be on edge. His eyes would snap back and forth and he occasionally made a grunt.
 
 She wondered if she had said the wrong thing. She couldn't imagine what it was, she had told the truth and didn't embellish it. However, he seemed to have responded with a sharpness that worried her.
 
-Kamel stopped the wagon across the street from her house. He looked around for a moment until she gestured to her front door. Thanking her, he got out and went around the horse to tie it to nearby pole. "Come on. I have some questions."
+Kamel stopped the wagon across the street from her house. He looked around for a moment until she gestured to her front door. With a muttered thanks, he got out tied the horse to a nearby tether. "Come on. I have some questions for you and your parents."
 
-She followed him up the walk. She watched his back, hating the feeling of dread that hung over her.
+She followed him up the walk. The cracked paving stones shifted slightly under their weight and she noticed a few places that she had forgotten to weed. She glanced up at him, hating the feeling of dread that hung over her.
 
-Before they got halfway, the front door was yanked open and Tisin rushed out. She was wearing one of her lighter dresses and cleaning gloves that matched the color. Her auburn hair had been pulled back behind a scarf. "Lin!? What's wrong?"
+Before they got halfway, the front door was yanked open and her mother rushed out. She was wearing one of her lighter dresses and cleaning gloves that matched the color. Her auburn hair had been pulled back behind a scarf. "Lin!? What's wrong?"
 
 Kamel stepped briskly to the side as Tisin rushed past him.
 
-Linsan started to cry when she saw her mother. Then, as she fell into Tisin's embrace, the cries turned into a wail. "I'm so sorry!"
+Seeing her mother, Linsan realized she had to tell her parents about Duncan. A cry rose up in her throat. "Mommy!"
+
+Then, as she fell into Tisin's embrace, the cries turned into a wail. "I'm so sorry! I tried! I swear!"
 
 "What's wrong, Baby?" Tisin was sobbing as she stroked Linsan's hair. "What's wrong? What happened?"
 
-Linsan fought the urge to break down. She looked at her mother, struggling to find the way of telling her Duncan had died. When she saw that the sorrow and fear hadn't reached Tisin's probing eyes, she realized that her mother was acting.
+Linsan struggled to explain what had happened. Every time she opened her mouth, a storm of memories and guilt crashed into her. She looked helplessly at her mother, struggling to find the way of explaining what had happened.
+
+"Oh, Baby. It's okay, I swear. Just take a deep breath." Her voice was wavering. But when Linsan looked into her eyes, there wasn't even a hint of sorrow or fear. With a start, Linsan realized her mother was only playing a role.
 
 Kamel cleared his throat. "Sire Sian Sterlig?"
 
@@ -48,11 +52,11 @@ Kamel pulled out a notepad. "Actually, I have---"
 
 "What happened?" she repeated. Her voice seemed to take on a different quality. It echoed despite them being out in the front yard. The sound resonated like a finely-tuned instrument, hanging in the air just a second too long.
 
-Kamel groaned. He tightened his grip on his notepad. Sweat prickled on his brow as he shook his head. "I might remind you, it is illegal to use manipulation against guards." His voice was strained and broken.
+Kamel groaned. He tightened his grip on his notepad. Sweat prickled on his brow as he shook his head. "I might remind you, it is illegal to use emotional and mental manipulation against guards on duty." His voice was strained and broken. It wavered and cracked.
 
 Tisin's posture deflated. She stepped back as she wrapped her arms over her chest. "Sorry," she said in her normal voice.
 
-Kamel gulped. "Oh, I had forgotten what you were like on stage. You always had a beautiful voice."
+Kamel gulped and let out a long groan of relief. "Damn. That was unexpected. You have a beautiful voice."
 
 She smiled but the expression never reached her eyes.
 
@@ -60,9 +64,9 @@ Kamel turned toward Sian. He looked over his shoulder at Linsan and Tisin. "Coul
 
 Sian turned and gestured toward the house. "Please? Come inside, Captain...?"
 
-"Thank you. I'm Mage-Captain Kamel da Kasin. Captain would be sufficient since I'm here officially." He turned and headed toward the house.
+"Thank you. I'm Mage-Captain Kamel da Kasin. Captain would be sufficient since I'm here during an investigation." He turned and headed toward the house.
 
-Inside, they settled down around the table. Tisin dragged her chair around the table to sit between to her husband and Linsan. Linsan set next to both of them, feeling scared and nervous.
+Inside, they settled down around the dining room table. Tisin dragged her chair around the table to sit between to her husband and Linsan. Linsan set next to both of them, feeling scared and nervous.
 
 Kamel pulled his chair across from them. He sighed and tapped his notebook. "This is always the hardest part of the job but I need to ask some questions."
 
@@ -76,11 +80,11 @@ Linsan perked up with curiosity. She didn't know that her father was in the army
 
 "Which company?"
 
-"119th Infantry. I never made rank, I wasn't that impressive. Mandatory military service, nothing more."
+"119th Infantry. I never made rank, I wasn't that impressive. Mandatory military service, nothing more." Her father's eyes were shimmering with tears. He wiped them with the back of his head.
 
 Kamel's eyes shifted to Tisin. "You?"
 
-She shrugged. "Entertainment."
+She shrugged. "2nd Entertainment Company, Sargent."
 
 "How did you meet your husband?"
 
@@ -112,11 +116,15 @@ Tisin smiled and leaned against him. "I wasn't his wife at the time. Marin would
 
 "He was my best man," Tisin said. She nodded to her husband. "Sian's was Marin's. We were all close after our service. When our tours were over, we all decided to move here and help Sian with the family business."
 
-The pen dipped slightly. "You were friends?"
+The pen dipped slightly. "You were friends? True friends?"
 
 Linsan stared at him. He looked almost disappointed but the look quickly faded. He had at least some of the same skills her mother hand, at least at hiding his emotions. Her mother was better though.
 
-"For many years. Even after Marin left, we stayed working on the business. While Sian made the instruments, Duncan and I helped."
+Leaning over, Tisin stroked her husband's hand. "Oh yes. It was just the four of us for a long time. Then Marin and I began to drift apart. She wanted more adventures but I was happy here. We separated as friends."
+
+"Did anything between you and Duncan happen then?"
+
+"No, he was already married and had just had his first daughter. Duncan and I stayed working with Sian on the business because we found that we worked well together."
 
 She smiled softly as her eyes grew softer. "He had a talent at knowing everyone. He kept everything flowing, making sales and getting customers to pay the bills."
 
@@ -128,9 +136,17 @@ Sian spoke up. "After the fire, he helped us as much as he could but we lost eve
 
 Linsan's father sighed. "He had a family. There were bills. He couldn't dedicate his life to me. I was ruined and he needed to move on."
 
+"Marin?"
+
+"She married Junith about six years ago in Stone Over Mood Waters. We couldn't make it, so we sent Palisis as a gift."
+
+"Have you talked to her recently?" Kamel asked, writing down.
+
+"She died of cancer two months after they got married," came the sharp reply from Linsan's mother.
+
 Silence filled the dining room.
 
-Kamel's face grew slack. "When was the last time you saw him?"
+Kamel's face grew slack. "When was the last time you saw Duncan?"
 
 "It's been years." Sian bowed his head. "Except for the monthly checks, I really haven't had any contact with him at all."
 
@@ -148,7 +164,7 @@ Sian shook his head. "It hasn't been three hundred for years. He had been bumpin
 
 Tisin gasped as she stood up. Pushing back her chair, she rushed out of the room. "The letter!"
 
-"What letter?" asked Kamel and Linsan.
+"What letter?" asked Kamel and Linsan. Linsan looked at him and then back to her parents.
 
 Her father gestured through the door that Tisin had exited. "We got a letter last week. Duncan had just set up a trust fund to make sure the checks would continue for the rest of Linsan's life. It was going to be her birthday present."
 
@@ -162,7 +178,7 @@ They looked at her.
 
 Kamel spoke up. "You never told her?"
 
-Sian shook his head. "I didn't think she remembered about the checks. Money has been tight for a while and that letter was a gift from the Couple." He turned back to Linsan. "I should have told you, I'm sorry."
+Sian shook his head. "I didn't think she remembered about the checks. She was a little girl then. Money has been tight for a while and that letter was a gift from the Couple." He turned back to Linsan. "I should have told you, I'm sorry."
 
 Tisin came in and handed the guard the letter.
 
@@ -180,7 +196,7 @@ As he did, Sian told Tisin about Linsan going into town. Her mother smiled at he
 
 The minutes crawled by.
 
-Linsan and her father squirmed. Tisin seemed to be perfectly at ease standing next to her husband. She was on stage again, Linsan saw that though there was distrust in her attention on the guard.
+Linsan and her father squirmed. Tisin seemed to be perfectly at ease standing next to her husband. She was on stage again, though her expression had just a faintest expression of distrust from the guard.
 
 "Did you have anything in the bank vault?"
 
@@ -194,7 +210,7 @@ Kamel looked up. "What do you mean?" He looked frustrated and confused.
 
 "It was Marin's but she never played it."
 
-"An unsung instrument is worth a lot of money, isn't it?" Linsan could hear his voice growing more excited. "As one of the last instruments of your tradition, that would be worth a lot, wouldn't it? Millions?"
+"An unsung instrument is worth a lot of money, isn't it?" Linsan could hear his voice growing more excited. "As one of the last instruments that you've made, that would be worth a lot, wouldn't it? Millions?"
 
 Tisin looked at him coldly. "Are you suggesting we stole Palisis?"
 
@@ -208,7 +224,7 @@ Sian held up his hand. "That was a lie."
 
 Kamel's face froze.
 
-"I'm fully aware that a fortune could be made if people believed it was unsung. There are only three people who knew that it had been touched by a bow. While my wife and I would never, ever consider selling that instrument while we lived, we had hopes that Lin would be able to sell it after we were gone and give herself a good life."
+"I'm fully aware that a fortune could be made if people believed it was unsung. There are only three people who knew that it had been touched by a bow. While my wife and I would never, ever consider selling that instrument while we lived, we had hoped that Lin would be able to sell it after we were gone and give herself a good life."
 
 Linsan let out a long whimper. She remembered that brief moment when she felt Palisis in her hands.
 
@@ -228,15 +244,15 @@ Kamel set down his pen. "Then why didn't you sell the violin and---"
 
 "What?"
 
-"I made that for Marin and only for Marin. As far as I'm concerned, what my daughter had done has honored her memory but I have no intent to sully her memory by selling Palisis. That instrument means nothing to me or my wife other than the memories of our dear friend."
+"I made that for Marin and only for Marin. As far as I'm concerned, what my daughter had done has honored her memory but I have no intent to sully either of them by selling Palisis. That instrument means nothing to me or my wife other than the memories of our dearest friend."
 
 "But the---"
 
-Tisin leaned forward. "Palisis is our memorial for our best friend in the world. She meant everything to the two of us and I would rather starve---"
+Tisin leaned forward. "Palisis is her memorial. She meant everything to the two of us and I would rather starve---"
 
 Linsan noticed that her mother's voice was taking on the strange timbre again. It was ringing in her head and each word felt like it was directed directly at her with the force of a gale.
 
-"---than sully that memory for nothing but memory!"
+"---than throw it aside for nothing more than a sack of crowns!"
 
 Kamel was sweating. Linsan didn't remember seeing him moving but he was a foot away from the table with a surprised look on his face.
 
@@ -248,7 +264,7 @@ Tisin struggled for a moment. Then she straightened.
 
 The presence that beat in the air disappeared in an instant.
 
-Kamel gulped loudly. He slowly shifted his gaze to Linsan's father. "Do you feel the same."
+Kamel gulped loudly. He slowly shifted his gaze to Linsan's father. "Do you feel the same?"
 
 "Less empathically, but yes."
 
@@ -262,9 +278,9 @@ Linsan sighed. She didn't know what she was doing after school ended. In some wa
 
 Sian gave him a hard look. "Why are you asking these questions?"
 
-"Because, years ago, I was the lead investigator of the fire in Sterlig Valley. I saw a lot of things there, including signs of a magical accelerator used to ensure that valley burned completely."
+"Because years ago, I was the lead investigator of the fire in Sterlig Valley. I saw a lot of things there, including signs of a magical accelerator used to ensure that valley burned completely."
 
-He turned to her. "Someone used magic to start that fire."
+He turned to Linsan. "Someone used magic to start that fire."
 
 It took a moment for it to register. Linsan's mouth opened in surprise. "You think that guy with the string..." She turned to her father. "Daddy, he had a string instrument like a violin or a fiddle but with a wide sound box with six strings..." It took her another minute to finish describing it.
 
@@ -272,9 +288,9 @@ It took a moment for it to register. Linsan's mouth opened in surprise. "You thi
 
 Kamel tapped the table. "How do you know that?"
 
-Sian turned and gestured to his office across the hallway. "I've been writing essays, papers, and columns about trends in the musical industry across three countries for six years. I know my instruments."
+Sian turned and gestured to his office across the hallway. "I've been writing essays, papers, and columns about trends in the musical industry across three countries for six years. I know my instruments. If you need proof, I recommend you pick up any newspaper in this city for the last few years. If you want, I could give you the specific ones that I discuss the guitar---"
 
-Kamel's shoulders slumped. "Every time," he muttered.
+Kamel's shoulders slumped. He held up his hand. "Every time," he muttered.
 
 Linsan leaned forward. "You think it was the same person?"