feat: added children, incapication, and trust

TASKS.md

@@ -1,10 +1,10 @@
-- [ ] The file
+- [x] Trusted Individuals
-- [ ] Backups
-- [ ] Trusted Individuals
 - [x] First Hour, Day, Week, Month, and Year
 - [ ] Security
+  - [ ] Backups
 - [ ] Review
 - [ ] Legal
-- [ ] Children
+- [x] Children
+- [ ] Spread the load
 - [ ] Versioning
 - [ ] EPUB/PDF

src/children.md

@@ -0,0 +1,27 @@
+# Children
+
+Get a [will](./legal.md).
+
+Make sure everyone knows where the will is.
+
+Seriously, this is important for a number reasons. One is that this is a [first hour](./time.md) knowledge because if someone has to go to the hospital or somewhere, you need to know the children are safe. This includes pets and other dependencies; we don't really make a distinction because it is a living being that you were taking care which means someone else needs to. Even your fish need to eat and knowing who is going to do that is important.
+
+# First Days
+
+Also, be mindful of the situation. If your littles are faced with the news that their caretaker is dead, leaving them along with their thoughts is not a good thing. You want to make sure the people watching over them are empathic and compassionate but also able to function. Sending them over to an aunt who will be sobbing non-stop for three days is not healthy... for anyone.
+
+In those first few hours or even days, you want to make sure your children are taken care of someone who will help them handle the grief and prevent your littles from getting into a spiral of despair and fear. Keeping them safe is important.
+
+# Later Days
+
+Outside of those early days, you want to make sure you have plans for who will take care of them. This shouldn't be one person, it should be a series of trusted people and given in the order of preference.
+
+> In case something goes wrong, send the kids to their grandmother. If she is not available, then try this aunt, and then this one. Their phone numbers and addresses are....
+
+Wills are important when it comes to children because this is one of those things that if you do not plan for it, the government may do it for you. That means sending your kids to strangers or foster parents.
+
+In your will, you'll also have to describe who handles the money for your children. This comes from life insurance, trusts, and beneficiaries, and the list. For this, you also want a list of people you trust to handle finances.
+
+If possible, you do not want to the same person watching your children to manage the money for your children. It seems like a logical view, but money is a temptation for everyone. A lot of money, as insurance payments can be, are a bigger one. This is one reason why many churches have two people dealing with money, a separation between the money that comes in and the money that goes.
+
+Sadly, this applies to caretakers also. The person taking care of you in a nursing home or handling your bills probably shouldn't be the person handling your money. We've seen some cases where a "caring" family member opened up lines of credit against the person who they were supposed to be taking care of, or using the incoming money to pay their own bills.

src/circumstances.md

@@ -13,3 +13,9 @@ This also means we need to plan knowing that the survivors may be utterly devast
 So we partition and categorize for them. We say "you need to pay attention to this and forget everything else until tomorrow." We give the priorities knowing both ours and their lives, how they handle stress, how they grieve.
 
 Dying is terrifying for everyone. It is the unknown end for us but also this gaping hole in their lives. How do they pick up their lives? How do they make sure the bills are paid, the house is taken care of, what if they are next?
+
+## Incapacitation
+
+There are other reasons for needing this planning, and that is the case when you have a stroke, heart attack, or somehow become completely incapacitated and unable to function. These same rules apply. A percentage of stroke victims never recover and it could be months or even years of incapacitation that require a [caretaker](./caretakers.md) and much of the same recovery.
+
+As much as we wish it otherwise, an "exit plan" also covers these situations. There is a chance you might be able to give hints or suggestions or fixes, but plan as if you are unable to.

src/compassion.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ Planning for the end is a compassion act. It is trying to ease our passing to th
 
 There is another component to this, it is probably a grieving person reading your plan and you aren't there. We need to acknowledge that in addition to the pieces, but at the same time, keep them relatively separate and not distracting.
 
-The first page in our [file](./file.md) is a just a little and nothing else.
+The first page in our [file](./documentation.md) is a just a little and nothing else.
 
 > Take a deep breath.
 >

src/documentation.md

@@ -12,9 +12,23 @@ Documentation is critical to plan. The more that can be laid out, the better. Ho
 
 So a basic plan is just lists and directions. They can be dry and they can be plain, but they need to be written down. Somewhere. On paper or on a computer, but it needs to be somewhere they can get it.
 
+## Start Simple
+
 Start simple. Plain, just a few words. If you try to document all the things at once, it will quickly become overwhelming. So, to avoid that, just add a few details every time you [review](./review.md). Expand or clarify. Try to see it as if you don't know what you already know.
 
-This information will changes over time, so in our [file](./file.md), we use a blank sheet of 8x11" paper (or A5 like I prefer but can't use) for each one. This allows us to easily rewrite a page that has changed without rewriting an entire page. Or just cross out the old information and add new stuff to the page.
+## Origin Documentation
+
+Your documentation needs to start from a single, well-known point. This can be a manilla envelope in a file cabinet or thrown in the back of the closet. The key part is that it is [secure](./security.md) and [trusted](./trust.md) people know where to find it.
+
+If it is in your house, make sure they have keys or they know how to get in your house. You do not want the origin to be in a safe deposit box because that requires legal paperwork and probably a key to get it out.
+
+This origin is where you start. It is going to be the first thing they open when they need to work through your plan. Now, it can contains pointers to other pieces of information like your [passwords](./passwords.md) or [legal paperwork](./legal.md), but generally you should view it as the start of all things in your plan.
+
+The origin documentation shouldn't require a computer to access. It's okay if some of your information is technical, but you want the first part to be as easy to access as possible. You might even want a [backup](./security.md) in a different location. This means, paper is a good choice.
+
+## Paper Instructions
+
+This information will changes over time, so in our file, we use a blank sheet of 8x11" paper (or A5 like I prefer but can't use) for every topic. This allows us to easily rewrite a page that has changed without rewriting an entire page. Or just cross out the old information and add new stuff to the page.
 
 From our experience, there are three useful pieces for the top of the page: title, [time category](./time.md), and date. The date is to let you know when you last updated the file. If its been a few years, you might need to look at it a bit more in detail. The title is just a hint of what the page contains. The category lets them focus only on what's important in that moment. Doing it this way also lets them page through the headers to find the section they need.
 

src/financial.md

@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ It would be smart if you always had a credit card with plenty of balance on that
 
 On the other hand, as a first week item, a list of bank accounts is needed. These are used less critically, but knowing where to find a check book and having the account numbers is important. It is also important to be able to log into those accounts so the password vault should have all the information needed to log in.
 
-The [file](./file.md), on the other hand, is a great place to put the one-time passwords to get to the bank if they provide them.
+The [file](./documentation.md), on the other hand, is a great place to put the one-time passwords to get to the bank if they provide them.
 
 Other information related to bank accounts is list where your payroll goes. Do you put a percentage in one bank and the rest in the other? That is important because your final paycheck is probably going to follow the same rules and the survivors might need access to that.
 

src/incapacitation.md

@@ -0,0 +1,55 @@
+# Caretakers
+
+Being a caretaker is a horrible experience in the United States. They have an incredible amount of stress as they manage medical bills that can go into the hundreds of thousands, insurance paperwork, and just dealing with you (but in a limited form). It is a thankless job that provides little support.
+
+Being a spousal caretaker is even worse because the people who have the money and make the rules seem to think that you are going to be faking your injuries for free money. A lot of the programs to help caretakers don't seem to apply to spouses.
+
+At the same time, if your situation is severe, both you (as someone who is incapacitated) and your caretaker will become someone [persona non grata](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/persona%20non%20grata). This means that friends and family will drift away in discomfort, people will insist that you get sent to a nursing home all the time, and generally you will cease to exist as an uncomfortable reminder of life's fragility.
+
+This means, to be [compassionate](./compassion.md), you need to be aware of it in your planning and try to spread out the load across multiple people. One person cannot shoulder the burden of taking care of you by themselves. One person should not have to shoulder that burden.
+
+## Bureaucracy
+
+One of the most stressful for most people is dealing with bureaucracy. This includes not only medical bills, but also appointments and schedules. Companies will constantly be trying to change the rules, forget paperwork, or somehow ignore the department next to door. They will send notices that the care is being cut off even as you are negotiating or having assurances that you won't be cut off.
+
+If you can find someone you [trust](./trust.md) that is comfortable with this, ask them to help. Not everyone wants to deal with it, but off-loading this frustrating task from your caretaker will make everyone's life easier.
+
+Ideally, you want to find someone who has attention to detail and doesn't get flustered. If that is the only thing they do, as opposed to taking care of you and everything else, it will make a worlds of difference.
+
+## Caretaker Networks
+
+This is a thing that breaks our heart. We've seen parents driving an hour every day to visit their loved one in a nursing home or friends losing almost everything just to take care of their spouses. In almost every single case, they don't get help unless they pay for it. And when they pay for it, they have trouble keeping that help.
+
+Being incapacitated is horrible for everyone involved. It makes others uncomfortable and they... find excuses not to be there. They don't come by to have time. It gets worse when you have some injuries (like strokes) that drastically change personalities. Sometimes you'll become more aggressive or violent; it isn't your fault but you won't be able to stop them.
+
+So what happens in these situations is that there is a chance you'll be reduced down to a single person who will have to bear the full brunt of what has happened.
+
+There is probably nothing you can do about that.
+
+What you might be able to do is make sure you have people who will at least help. This is a case where a social network is important. Not just one person, but many people helping lift you lessens the difficulties for everyone. Finding those people who are willing to keep taking care of you is, unfortunately, beyond the limits of this documentation because it requires good friends.
+
+> Good friends take a long time to grow.
+
+## Nursing Homes
+
+Now, one option that seems to always be given is nursing homes. They are a choice, but there are two key things: quality of life and burn rate.
+
+Many nursing homes are understaffed which means the employees are running from one problem to another. Being a nurse doesn't pay well because this is an industry that the general populace doesn't really want to think about.
+
+The other is burn rate. Nursing homes cost money, a lot of money. And the moment you can't afford, there is a good chance they'll send you back home. Or toss you to a cheaper (and probably worse) nursing home.
+
+## Medical Trusts
+
+There are programs to help with expenses, but they come with the assumption that everyone is trying to steal. This is where you get the [Medicaid](https://www.medicaid.gov/) requiring you *and your spouse* to not have money. And, they have a "look back" period of five years which means that you are limited in how much you can prepare ahead.
+
+You can look into a [medical trust](https://www.elderlawanswers.com/medicaid-and-trusts-12004) which is a irrevocable trust that manages the money for you. Because it is irrevocable, it means that you basically fund it and then you never get to see that money again. Naturally, it is affected by the five year look back period which means if you need to make one, you also have to be aware that your loved ones are going to have to pay for your medical costs for five years after moving things to a trust before you can take advantage.
+
+Even though most people don't have the ability, setting aside a large influx of money toward this will help a lot.
+
+It would be good if your [file](./documentation.md) could give directions on how to handle this. Maybe you have a medical trust set up, then that definitely should into your file. Or you want to give the threshold that they should start to set one up knowing it will be five years before you can take advantage of it.
+
+## Negativity
+
+We might be overly negative when it comes to this topic, but that is our experience. It isn't fun, it is horrible. It might be something else in another country (not the United States) or it might not be.
+
+That is why having your legal documents in order is good. If you don't want your loved ones to go through it, make sure you have documented "do not resuscitate" properly and do what you can to reduce the financial burden in case you become incapacitated.

src/index.md

@@ -4,6 +4,8 @@ We plan for the birth of our children but rarely do we prepare ourself for death
 
 This isn't one long document because the idea is to keep things to reasonable chunks of information. Also, in hopes of being able to find specific topics when needed.
 
+⚠️ We are not lawyers. These is things to be aware of and experiences that have happened. In many cases, you might need a lawyer involved and we're not it.
+
 The [introduction](./introduction.md) is a short essay on why planning for the end is important. It's a bit poetic, but seems like an easy way to explain why this was written and its purpose. We also have some [tenants](./tenants.md) which guide the process of creating an exit plan.
 
 The next section, [circumstances](./circumstances.md), is the beginning to talk about the situations that happens when exit planning is needed. Also, we talk about [time](./time.md) because that is critical to how we organize things.

src/passwords.md

@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ There are others, but don't trust browser password saving and make sure you can
 
 Also, use a [good password](https://bitwarden.com/password-strength/) for your vault. I like phrases and sentences instead of random letters. As [XKCD](https://xkcd.com/936/) points out, it is easier to remember "behold I am made of cheese" instead of "a8$jd8298vlk#$" but they have the same basic strength. It's a pain to type though, but you can use biometrics if you feel that is [safe](./security.md).
 
-As a [first day](./time.md) item, the directions in your [file](./file.md) should explain how to get into the password vault. That allows you to change your passwords via the vault and not have to write down every password change you make.
+As a [first day](./time.md) item, the directions in your [file](./documentation.md) should explain how to get into the password vault. That allows you to change your passwords via the vault and not have to write down every password change you make.
 
 ## Authenticators
 

src/tenants.md

@@ -4,8 +4,12 @@ These are rough tenants that drive the philosophy of this document.
 
 ## Tenant One: Document
 
-[If it isn't written down, it doesn't exist.](./documentation.md) When this plan is needed, they can't just run over and ask you to explain something. There is no hint. If you don't write it down, they have to figure it out, they need someone to help, or it gets lost.
+> If it isn't written down, it doesn't exist.
+
+When this plan is needed, they can't just run over and ask you to explain something. There is no hint. If you don't write it down, they have to figure it out, they need someone to help, or it gets lost.
 
 ## Tenant Two: Compartmentalize
 
+> Limit what needs to be known in an emergency.
+
 Whoever is going to take over is not you. They don't have your knowledge and they probably haven't been thinking about it as long as you. At the same time, they will be probably dealing with a thousand other things that need to be done. That means we need to partition or compartmentalize our plan so they can confidently be able to push or set aside everything that isn't critical in that moment. That is why we organize based on [time](./time.md) and we don't just make dense list of details to remember.

src/time.md

@@ -1,6 +1,8 @@
 # Time
 
-It won't take long for your [file](./file.md) to get overwhelming. Even if it isn't, there are times when you need to know about something and times when it can be pushed aside.
+It won't take long for your [file](./documentation.md) to get overwhelming. Even if it isn't, there are times when you need to know about something and times when it can be pushed aside. This is the [second tenant](./tenants.md):
+
+> Limit what needs to be known in an emergency.
 
 To help with that, it is helpful to let them know what should be important at any given point. Now, there are a lot of ways of doing it, but what works for us is the following:
 
@@ -20,11 +22,11 @@ Didn't have an answer for that.
 
 So, we asked for a little time and called around to get it. It was scary because we were already devastated and blind-sided by the news and we needed to be functional immediately.
 
-The first hour are questions that need to be asked when there is no time to find the [file](./file.md) or look up answers. They need to be answerable in the middle of an emergency room or standing in front of a destroy house. This also means, there needs to only be a limited number of them.
+The first hour are questions that need to be asked when there is no time to find the [file](./documentation.md) or look up answers. They need to be answerable in the middle of an emergency room or standing in front of a destroy house. This also means, there needs to only be a limited number of them.
 
 From our experience, these are:
 
-- The location of our [plan](./file.md) including backup locations
+- The location of our [plan](./documentation.md) including backup locations
 - What are our desires for our [funeral](./funeral.md)
 - Who can take the [children and pets](./children.md)
 - Who can be [trusted](./trust.md) to handle things

src/trust.md

@@ -0,0 +1,35 @@
+# Trust
+
+Trust is a big, thorny thing to think about and one that should be important.
+
+> If someone happens to be, run to my home and erase my browser history.
+
+You have to trust the people who are going to handle your plan. If you pick someone who despises you, they may just toss out everything they don't care about and do their own thing. They may do their own thing anyways, but there is nothing you can really do about it besides find people who probably won't.
+
+## Aspects
+
+Everyone has different aspects of their lives. You may have an alternate person, a secret life, or just have an interest that doesn't appeal to everyone. Not everyone is going to know it and you may not want them to know until the end.
+
+Ideally, you would find someone who is aware of your "entire" life, warts and all. Even if they don't care for it, they can pass it off to a friend in that aspect of your life who can take over. This is a good thing to put in your [documentation](./documentation.md).
+
+> Please ask if Bob can manage my Patreon, SubscribeStar, and OnlyFans accounts. If they do, then talk to them about taking 20% off the top to manage the photo sets in the queue and give you the rest. If they agree, the passwords are in my BitWarden site.
+
+If you can't find someone who will accept the full aspect, you can always create a second (or third) set of documentation for that aspect.
+
+> If I haven't posted anything in six months, please take over. This file contains what you need. Do not let Bob know.
+
+Again, this requires you to have someone who has your best intrest in mind, but it might be a way of keeping that aspect of your life separate.
+
+## Locality
+
+One thing to consider when picking your trusted people is how close they are to you. It is one thing to have someone [take care of your children](./children.md) when they are down the street, it's another thing if it takes them two days to get to you.
+
+On the other hand, if you are picking someone to handle [medical beaucracy](./incapacitation.md). That may be mostly remote but there are also times when you might have to be on the phone or a signature is needed.
+
+## Family
+
+If you don't trust your family, they may take offense at that. They may aggressively disagree.
+
+Also, in the abcense of proper documentation, the legal system will typically revert most of exit planning to your family (spouses, parent, children). This means there might be a fight, but sadly there are little placess to register the desinated contacts for this so you may be leaving a fight behind.
+
+The only thing we can think about is let enough people to know that you have an exit plan and who to contact. If your family has a problem, then you might need more in your social network to be able to call them out on it and direct them to something that might be more [legal](./legal.md).